Reflection....I Never Want to Go Back There!

lwoods34

Reading all of these forums today about other people's struggles have got to thinking about my struggles with emotional eating and body image issues. I remember the days of eating a whole medium pizza all by myself just because I could. I could polish off an entire party size bag of Doritos like it was nothing. Taco Bell, McDonalds and oh the tons of soda that I used to drink. And oh, I cannot forget the party of bag of skittles I used to sit down and sort out all of the red ones and eat them. And oh did I mention the bags upon bags of gum balls I used to chew??? And everytime I looked in the mirror I started not to be able to recognize myself. I wasnt always like this..I didnt always eat like this....it all started when I got out of college and started working full time at a sit down job. Not that my sit down job was to blame but I got complacent. All of a sudden my clothes were fitting anymore and I now had to shop at Lane Bryant. What happened? I was depressed all the time and no one was saying anything to me! My boyfriend (who is now my husband) kept telling me that if I wasnt happy with the way that I looked that I needed to do something about it and stop complaining. But my way of not complaining was to sit on the couch and devour an entire bag of Oreo cookies, followed by a 2 liter of pepsi. I was so disgusted with myself that I resorted to doing unthinkable things to myself (do not care to mention) because I thought I was I wasnt lovable and that no one would accept me because of the way that I looked. Im surprised that I wasnt alot more than 200 lbs when I finally went to the doctor to get weighed. I see pictures of myself when I was 19, 20, 21 and dont even recognize that person. My face so bloated from all the crap I was eating...my chest was HUGE, not to mention my thighs. Granted I have alot of muscle but STILL! There was no excuse.

When I think back to my journey and how I had to overcome so many roadblocks (and I still have roadblocks), I think about how I never want to go back there. And how I look at it: IM ONLY ONE MEAL AWAY FROM GOING BACK THERE! One thing can so easily set off a domino effect to the point where I am binge eating on cookies and ice cream. And then thats when the overexercising begins to compensate for the binges. And I know at that point that I am only chasing my tail.

My point to this whole post is that I am really grateful to all of the people that stood by me during my weight loss journey and didnt let me give up. There were so many times I wanted to give up....I want to thank my personal training clients as well (you know who you are) because you have been there right with me, literally through the thick AND the thin. You believed in my abilities as a trainer and looked past my appearance which was a work in progress. Even when I went back to the "dark side" you were still right there with me. And for that I will be ever so grateful. My husband is also a HUGE part of this because without him, I wouldnt have been able to do what I have done. He has had to endure so much of my crap (as far as my eating issues and body image issues) over the years and still has managed to encourage me to be the best that I can be. He was there from day one, when I was thinner, to my highest weight and everything in between.

You guys are very strong and I know you will reach your goal. When you think that you want to give up and give in, just reflect back on how far you have already come. Think about your accomplishments so far...for me I think about my first half marathon and how my muscles cramped the whole time but I ran across that finish line...I didnt give up. For me, giving up is NOT AN OPTION!

This is a journey, a lifelong journey and I know that I will always come to a roadblock with my eating but I try and reflect on what things were like for me 15+ years ago. We all have our own roadblocks that we must face...the key is to never give up! NO matter what. Its not an option!

Have a great day, everyone!

shedoos

AMEN..

(stated in a non-religious, non-offensive kind of way)...

AZKristi

Great thoughts, thanks for sharing. We each have the opportunity to make each day the best it can be, nutritionally or otherwise, regardless of our choices in the past.

Bean615

this was beautiful! thank you and congratulations!!

Butterfly3730

Thanks for sharing this! Very inspirational :-)

XXXMinnieXXX

Fantastic story. Your right sometimes you just need to look at how far you've come. Its really important. Keep fighting! X

Lrt4uk

Thank you!

queenkb

OMG.. sooo you almost made me cry. I'm at work so I can't but thank you soo much for sharing this. Its very inspirational and it hits home to more than myself I'm sure! 1 meal away from morbid obesity is my new might set! Thanks again! You have no idea how this blog and shot a voltage of inspiration/energy into me!

BrandyontheRun

Thanks for sharing. It's really important to reflect and acknowledge where we are and where we came from in all aspects of our life and I appreciate you sharing this. Have a happy and healthy day!!

fmw123

You are an inspiration. I'm bumping this to come back to when I'm having a bad day.... thank you and well done! Good for you xxx

neyes67

GREAT REFLECTIONS!...Best Wishes on your JOURNEY!:flowerforyou:

tamnih20

Thanks for sharing!!!

sasbw27

Thanks for sharing! Your message is very motivating!

slrrese

Great story. Congratulations!!

Pifflesmom

Thank you for your introspect and honesty...we just gotta reach down deep inside and find that 'place' where we know we have the ultimate power to make those same changes.

congratulations - and thanks!

bmacholiday

We love your motivation, inspiration, encouragement and you!! Except when you make us do Burpees! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

CDresp

Wow. Just a medium size pizza? Light weight.

DanaNicolle

I REALLY needed to read this today! Thanks for the reminder that I AM on the pathway to good health, and that I can NEVER go back to my old ways. My biggest fear is that point of complacency where I slip back into those old habits. Thanks for letting us ALL know we are not alone in this journey!

lwoods34

We love your motivation, inspiration, encouragement and you!! Except when you make us do Burpees! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Oh, burpees...how I LOVE doing burpees and how I LOVE making OTHER people do them too! lol.

All4Tris

Thanks so much for sharing this! Honestly, I've been struggling with my willpower lately and the other day I told my self that I don't have to give into my "cravings" for bad food... especially when I'm not hungry. So many times, I've gone in the store and just grabbed food that I shouldn't even have without even thinking about it. The other day when I went to the grocery store I saw these cookies that I love, walked up to them and turned around leaving them there.... Major, major accomplishment for me!!!

lanigirl143

That is truly inspirational. I'm so glad to have read this. Thank you for sharing your story!

rima933

I remember the days of eating a whole medium pizza all by myself just because I could. I could polish off an entire party size bag of Doritos like it was nothing. Taco Bell, McDonalds and oh the tons of soda that I used to drink. And oh, I cannot forget the party of bag of skittles I used to sit down and sort out all of the red ones and eat them. And oh did I mention the bags upon bags of gum balls I used to chew???

This made me crave skittles and doritos. lol