Tips for dealing with rejection?

krissypea79

I've been....ugh....dumped lol. I wasn't "lol'ing" yesterday, or even earlier today. I am still not, really...but I am definitely making progress. My question for you guys is, if you've been dumped/rejected/whatever word you prefer, by someone you thought you were happy with (and that they were happy with you), you thought things were going great with and that maybe you had a future with - how did you handle it? What did you tell yourself?

For me, the hardest thing has been the thought process that "I'm just not good enough for him to want to spend the rest of his life with," (which I realize is a very grand statement and a very scary thought) and invariably I start wondering what is "wrong" with me that he has chosen to carry on the rest of his life without me in it (aside from saying he wants to keep in touch, Grrrr). He told me he was attracted to me, we have a lot in common, he has fun with me, we have the same values, but there's just some "feeling" that something about our connection is off. Well, if I were so great, why did he choose to throw away a good thing? I don't really need to hear that "he was probably lying," or "he didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you the real reason," - because either of those things COULD be true, I've accepted that fact. Analyzing his reasoning and explaining his thought process is for another post, lol. He did say "well, you've broken up with people, could you give THEM a reason every time??" :noway: Um...well yes...as a matter of fact, I could!!! (more often than not I had multiple reasons!!)

I'm more concerned with how to HEAL myself and my self esteem going forward. I'm *almost* to the point where I've taken him down off the pedestal I had him on, realize that he is not perfect, that maybe I thought he was the perfect guy for me, but when I look more closely, there are things that, while not deal breakers, could potentially be more noticeable in time (but I think that's normal). I have started to accept that what I thought was a perfect connection might not have been, really (but, I am not looking for perfection and I realize there will be flaws in ANY relationship, or person, and as long as the good outweighs the bad, I say give it a shot!). So...I've made progress (it's only been 4 days)....but somehow my poor ego is bruised and I don't know how to make the thoughts stop! "What did I do wrong to make him change his mind about us?" I am spinning my wheels about this. :noway:

Any advice!?

Alma_Sana

I'm sorry to hear that. A break up is always rough. You didn't do anything wrong. If the connection was off for him, he had doubts about himself in the relationship. You can't change someone else. The right person will adore you flaws and all. Don't let this guy get you down dear. This is a great opportunity to do you for a while. Write a list of everything you are good at and any talents you have. Read it over when you are feeling down about yourself. You are a great catch and an awesome person. Also focus on doing things you really enjoy and that distract you from thinking about this. Start doing things you always wanted to do. Special things just for you. I hope you feel better soon. Hugs - Marcela :flowerforyou:

dovesgate

Mostly I told myself he was a stupid loser who wasn't worth my time. Then I called up my girls for a couple good chats and set about throwing myself into distractions. Different hobbies, various outings with my friends, anything that would take my mind off the end of the relationship.

You're a fantastic human being and I'm sorry you're sad. *hug*

debsocwk

I think it's important to have a clear picture about this. You obviously know all your thoughts and feelings you have about this, now stop, step back and think. Is this obsessing healthy? Even if I find out the answer for why it ended will it change what happened? You can already see that these thoughts are not helpful so try and switch to ones that are helpful. When you notice yourself going into the continuing cycle of worry and questioning tell your self to stop. Remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities and abilities you have (as another poster suggested). Distract yourself with some fun activities or friends (another wonderful suggestion). Remember that it is perfectly normal to be upset when a relationship ends that we saw a lot of potential in, but you don't have to let those feelings and thoughts overwhelm you. Sometimes it helps to give yourself a time frame, like I will be as sad as I want for 5 minutes and then I will get up and work out, or watch a comedy or call a friend etc. You aren't denying the feelings you just aren't letting them take over. And remember there is someone out there for you, you just haven't discovered who it is yet. Hope this helps.

Smuterella

I'm going through the same thing myself. I have fallen, completely, for someone who just isn't into me in the same way (but who led me to believe he might be for 5 months). It hurts, it hurts unbelieveably. He hasn't even explained this to me properly yet, he is still "thinking" but I've realised that if he needs this long to "think" about what he wants he just doesn't want me enough.

I'm doing a lot of crying, a lot of drinking and a lot of kickboxing to burn off the booze.

Not the healthiest method but the only one I know.,