they walk (and post) among us
Dave198lbs
Posts: 8,810 Member
in Chit-Chat
Yes, it's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out,
the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool
the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke
machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting
to tip a free soda out. This years winner was a real rocket scientist...
HONEST! Read on...And remember that each and every one of
these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made
him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This
resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both
him and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to
moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
with their pants around their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried
to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Basia, a fast food worker, attached
a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot,
anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake According Park , jumped
and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Basia was alone because his car was found nearby.
'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said.
Police say the apparent cause of death was 'major trauma.' YA THINK!!!
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake
as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate
- was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed
the smell of a gas leak.Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After
the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were dispatched. Upon entering the building,they found they had difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never
been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (As always, awarded
posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering
metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at
the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an
airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable
at the scene.
Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An
amateur rocket scientist.. had somehow gotten hold of a JATO
unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket)
that is used to give heavy military transport planes an
extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He
had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a
long,straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to
the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the
operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance
of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was
established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum
thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well
in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional
20 -25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway
for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied
and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving
thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne
for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height
of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted
from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed
from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a
ground speed of approximately 420-mph,though much of his
voyage was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US,
AND THEY PROBABLY ALL VOTE! SCARY, ISN'T IT!?!
the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool
the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke
machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting
to tip a free soda out. This years winner was a real rocket scientist...
HONEST! Read on...And remember that each and every one of
these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made
him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This
resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both
him and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to
moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
with their pants around their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried
to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Basia, a fast food worker, attached
a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot,
anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake According Park , jumped
and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Basia was alone because his car was found nearby.
'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said.
Police say the apparent cause of death was 'major trauma.' YA THINK!!!
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake
as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate
- was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed
the smell of a gas leak.Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After
the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were dispatched. Upon entering the building,they found they had difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never
been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (As always, awarded
posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering
metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at
the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an
airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable
at the scene.
Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An
amateur rocket scientist.. had somehow gotten hold of a JATO
unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket)
that is used to give heavy military transport planes an
extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He
had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a
long,straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to
the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the
operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance
of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was
established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum
thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well
in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional
20 -25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway
for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied
and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving
thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne
for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height
of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted
from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed
from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a
ground speed of approximately 420-mph,though much of his
voyage was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US,
AND THEY PROBABLY ALL VOTE! SCARY, ISN'T IT!?!
0
Replies
-
Yes, it's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out,
the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool
the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke
machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting
to tip a free soda out. This years winner was a real rocket scientist...
HONEST! Read on...And remember that each and every one of
these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made
him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This
resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both
him and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to
moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
with their pants around their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried
to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Basia, a fast food worker, attached
a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot,
anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake According Park , jumped
and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Basia was alone because his car was found nearby.
'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said.
Police say the apparent cause of death was 'major trauma.' YA THINK!!!
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake
as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate
- was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed
the smell of a gas leak.Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After
the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were dispatched. Upon entering the building,they found they had difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never
been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (As always, awarded
posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering
metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at
the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an
airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable
at the scene.
Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An
amateur rocket scientist.. had somehow gotten hold of a JATO
unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket)
that is used to give heavy military transport planes an
extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He
had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a
long,straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to
the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the
operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance
of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was
established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum
thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well
in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional
20 -25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway
for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied
and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving
thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne
for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height
of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted
from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed
from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a
ground speed of approximately 420-mph,though much of his
voyage was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US,
AND THEY PROBABLY ALL VOTE! SCARY, ISN'T IT!?!0 -
Thanks Dave
I feel pretty smart now...LOL
Kim0 -
I like the bungee jumper! :laugh:0
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I used to believe these were true but two of those stories including the winner have been around for quite a while. It's even in a movie I think called The Darwin Awards.0
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I used to believe these were true but two of those stories including the winner have been around for quite a while. It's even in a movie I think called The Darwin Awards.
blasphemy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
every single thing I post is absolute truth (in my mind)0 -
I love the Darwin awards! :laugh: They're so funny and definitely help strengthen the gene pool!0
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I used to believe these were true but two of those stories including the winner have been around for quite a while. It's even in a movie I think called The Darwin Awards.
blasphemy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
every single thing I post is absolute truth (in my mind)
Of course Dave. You are always right.
Now step away from the sharp objects.... 0 -
There is a Darwin Awards movie, but even better is Idiocracy...great concept
0 -
There is a Darwin Awards movie, but even better is Idiocracy...great concept
Oh I have to look for that! Thanks!0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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hee hee hee-- "post among us"-- hee hee hee. :laugh:1
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WOAH!!
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
HE KNEW 0 -
Ok this is a fun topic. Two cases come to mind that I have read about years ago.
Sometimes it is natural selection, sometimes it is the friends we have. After all we are the company we keep.
1.) A chef died after an EEL was put up his bum.
Shocked doctors in Sichuan, China, found the sea creature in the 59-year-old man's rectum after his death, it has been reported.
The 50cm long Asian swamp eel was allegedly inserted into the unnamed man's bottom, after he passed out drunk, by pals playing a prank on him.
Medics said the eel had devoured his bowels.
What was meant to be funny ended up with tragic results.
2.) Teenager dared by his friends to eat a tiny slug which caused paralysis, organ failure and death. (Not a venomous slug)
0 -
This is horrible. These people died painfully and needlessly. They were living human beings who suffered and died. Not funny. People make mistakes that can end very badly.4
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