A heavy topic...

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  • Kymmu
    Kymmu Posts: 1,650 Member
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    I wish I knew what to say - I don't but I wish you love and support moving forward.
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
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    Thank you :D you're absolutely right
    I also can relate to this topic. When I lost a lot of weight and got really strong ten years ago it was part of overcoming what had happened to me. For me, nothing gave me a sense of power and control of my life than training my body and becoming confident in what I can do with it. That is part of the reason I want to get back to that. Not having control brings me back to feeling vulnerable. Take back your power! You are in control. If you need help doing it, there is no shame in getting help (I did!).
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
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    Thanks! I know it can be an awkward subject! I'm comfortable talking about it so thank you for your kind words :)
    I wish I knew what to say - I don't but I wish you love and support moving forward.
  • 57rainbows
    57rainbows Posts: 101 Member
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    I don't have an experience similar to yours, but I do have mental blocks. Mine is depression - I've had it my whole life, bouncing between mild chronic depression and major depressive states. I really struggle with feeling capable, with motivation and energy levels, with caring enough to want to do anything at all, with caring enough about myself to treat myself well. I strongly feel that taking care of my depression issues will help my nutrition and fitness. All that to say, I understand how mental blocks can get in the way!


    Whether you want to get professional help is up to you but I think the important part is that you do get to the root of things and fix it from there, you know? If it's like some people have said and maybe you're sort of afraid it could happen again if you return to that fitness level, maybe something empowering like martial arts would help! If it's a self-worth issue, maybe something that helps you love yourself - some spa days, affirmations from those who mean the most to you, write a list of qualities about yourself you love! I hope you can figure out the root cause and get it settled from there, and best wishes on your weight loss. <3
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
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    If you 'seek help' and end up feeling worse switch to someone else...they're doing it wrong.
  • rolliepollie087
    rolliepollie087 Posts: 251 Member
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    I had been in counseling when it happened and dealt with it a bit then, I'm just not sure what good it would do me. I can recognize the problem it is causing and see my behavioral patterns. I guess I must be looking for the be all solution that doesn't exist :p
    If you 'seek help' and end up feeling worse switch to someone else...they're doing it wrong.
  • netchik
    netchik Posts: 587 Member
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    I can relate as well, and I found the same thing, weight gain so I wouldn't be attractive etc (for me it was a recurring event from a family friend) but that didn't work, then years and years of beating myself up about it, getting fatter, disliking myself.... But something happened to me that is different to the advice you're receiving here. Counselling didn't work for me - they didn't "get it".

    I'm angry with my agressor now, not scared. I have a host of health issues, and he was the catalyst. I have 2 failed pregnancies with my soul mate, and I also blame them on the same guy. My answer to you, is that anger helps you channel, helps you focus and makes you strong. I decided I needed to be healthy, and I needed to be fit. Because one day He and I could be face to face again, and I am going to kicks his balls until he cries blood.

    Don't get me wrong - I'm not off my rocker. I am a nice person too! It's unlikely I'll ever see him again, but channelling the anger has helped me in a way that "beleiving I'm beautiful on the inside" didn't.

    And on the flip side, feeling empowered, I now beleive in myself - I didn't have to talk myself into it. I hope you can too! Feel free to add me if you need some support. xxx
  • Sorova
    Sorova Posts: 101 Member
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    Someone I love very much went through a similar experience. I hope that you receive love and support from people in your life and that you feel welcome to talk about these things with MFP people as needed. Anyone who is not supportive is someone not worth your time.

    I too have engaged in self sabotage for my own reasons in the past. I think the most important step to overcoming such roadblocks is to recognize them, and it looks like you're very self aware and have already spent some time thinking about what you are doing and why. We can all give suggestions and ultimately it will be you who figures out which thoughts or ideas are most motivating for you in changing your behaviour.

    For me, writing is extremely helpful. Whenever I find myself stalled, I sit down and start writing about what I'm doing and how I feel about my progress. I write about whatever's on my mind and sometimes I am surprised at where it leads me. It helps me understand myself and my motivations better. I think the key is to keep this weight loss process an element of the conscious mind, so that we can keep our logic and reason involved. If we let our behaviour become automatic before we've established the *right* automatic behaviour, it can go off track.

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