Problems with my son at school, help!

wowamom87

My son is 4, 5 in March and is in his first year of Swiss Kindergarten. I just got told by his teacher today that she wants to meet with us due to my son saying he is always tired (he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes at 7pm..sometimes doesn't fall asleep till 10pm) at school and saying he always needs quiet. I informed my Husband of this meeting and he immediately started blaming these problems on me. Such as, I shouldn't be giving him naps and kids at his age don't need naps, also that my twin daughters (2yrs old) screaming is why he wants quiet. What do you suggest I do? Say to him? I know my child still needs a small nap in the afternoon most days, as he will throw tantrums and act up otherwise. I told my Husband he is probably using these as excuses to get out of doing things at school as I have seen him do that when he didn't want to eat dinner or do something I asked him to do. My husband just has to blame it all on me..as usual and I am sick of it.

LisaLashesxx

it would apear that at 4-5 school age the child should be out of afternoon naps. Have you seen if there is any medical cause for this?

is it not easier for you to have the other children nap and the 4-5 year old so that there is quiet in the home, and YOU time?

it will be difficult, but i might suggest that you try and stop the naps in the afternoon, do something with him that will make him tired like swimming or walking at the time he would be napping...lenghten the time he is awake for, then start putting him to bed earlier. I think at 4-5 the bed time of 8 is too late and for him to fall asleep at 10....thats because of the napping in the day and not being tired.

try reading in a dimly lit bedroom, but try the exercise in the afternoon, fresh air and routine...early bed time.

hope this helps, it did for me.x

karenjoy

My children were going to bed a 6pm at 4 years of age, I think 8 is probably too late for him.

wowamom87

Thanks for the replies so far. Bumping for more.

carolann_22

The quiet may be NO ONE's fault - some kids are just more sensitive to auditory stimulation. My three year old HATES loud noise - not because of anything we've done, he just has some auditory processing issues that are heightened by loud volume.

As far as the bed, that's hard. My kids (3 and 4) can go without naps for a day, but they they are falling asleep in the middle of the day the next day. We've tried earlier bedtimes with no naps, but it really didn't help - they just lay there till 8pm, their normal bedtime, and then were monsters the next day. And that's with us swimming for a couple hours (we have a pool) and then hitting the park in the evenings - tried that for a week and gave up, it's not that we weren't exhausting them, it's that they just COULDN'T fall asleep before 8.

I don't know how much TV he gets, but I have noticed my three year old falls asleep better if we turn the TV off an hour before bedtime, and just play quietly or read books.

annabellj

I had three sons. every child is different and not every child needs a nap. some do, some dont. he may need to go to bed earlier, he may need a nap. tell your husband that this is not your fault. you need to try different things out to see which one will work best for him. he may be tired, or he may be bored at school also. my youngest son is such a gifted child that he was bored in kindergarten. when he got in to the gifted program, they advanced him two years and he was fine!

elenathegreat

I agree on the earlier bedtime...when mine were that age, bedtime started at 7:00...pajamas, toothbrushing, stories...they were usually nodding off by 7:30-7:45. But if he has a late afternoon nap(anything after 2:00)he will definitely NOT be ready to sleep by 8:00. Try scheduling the twins nap when you can spend some quiet time with him, maybe he just wants to reconnect with mom one-on-one.

CharityPearce

Unfortunately society dictates our schedules way too much, but there just isn't much getting around that. I was always a night owl, even as a small child. My mother would put me to bed early, but as soon as the rest of the house was quiet, I was up wandering around. My youngest son is the same way. We've managed to work through some of the kinks most of the time, but there are days when he goes to school tired. Remember that those school officials are dealing with all kinds of students/parents. They wouldn't be responsible if they didn't check with you. That being said, you are the best barometer of your kids' needs. Don't over analyze yourself. Think about what works for your family and go with it. And good luck!

wdruker

My kids went to bed 7:30, even now the 8 year old still goes to bed at 7:30. She reads though and is usually asleep within an hour. Nap time was over by 4, so you may try to figure another way to calm him down instead of giving him a nap midday.

Some kids are sensitive to noise. See if the teacher has headphones. Many classes will allow the child to wear headphones which blocks out the noise so they can concentrate on work. They are not connected to music. Just used to block noise. Also, they are only to be used after the teacher gives the instructions.

fj211

My son really did nap until into his 5th year . He also went to bed at night at 8:00 each and every night. Our pediatrician said it was no big deal as all kids are different . He's 10 now and has a very healthy sleep schedule. He's also academically and musically gifted so even at an early age he was taking in/processing much more than normal 5 year olds. He simply needed the sleep. One thing to investigate is whether he is indeed playing or staying up later later than you realize. Are you sure he stays in bed after you turn out the light and close the door?

One thing I learned is that all kids are different and it's ok. There really may be no logical reason. Good luck .

16mixingbowls

I am a teacher in a classroom of 4 and 5 year olds. Here in California it's called PreKindergarten. My class has a mandatory 2 hour napping period every day. While the kids don't have to sleep, they do have to lay quietly and look at a book or whisper a song to themselves. That said, everyone falls asleep every day except for maybe one or two kids. They're tired! They use sooooo much energy playing and growing their brain! Some kids sleep longer than the two hours.

Kids use almost 70% of their nutritional calories for brain development at this age, compared with adults' 30% for brain activity. Does your child get good nutrition? A balanced diet? How is his growth? I'm asking these questions because I personally have Celiac disease and my primary symptom was fatigue. In kids, Celiac disease can lead to malnutrition, failure to thrive, and tiredness. (A lack of oxygen carried through the blood.)

How does your son seem to get along in the classroom in general, though? Is he happy and enjoying school? I have a particular student who uses, "I'm tired" as an avoidance technique. He has learned this is a way to be left alone. For him, I offer to get out his blankets, etc right there in the middle of the classroom (while all of his friends are playing) and he usually realizes this means he can't play either. Suddenly he's not tired. Maybe there needs to be some observation and reflection done by the teacher on what specific moments your son says this (an activity he doesn't like? a partner child he wants to avoid? a consequence he DOESN'T want to accept?) If you can pinpoint WHAT causes him to state he needs quiet you might be better equipped to handle this.

Does he literally need a quiet space? To be removed from an overstimulating situation/ Maybe this is a coping strategy for a feeling of being overwhelmed by what is going on around him. Maybe he needs to know he can go sit quietly in a separate area from the class for a few minutes if he needs a 'break.' Self-selecting to remove yourself from a situation is a healthy coping strategy. I know my classroom can get loud at times and some kids cover their ears and yell, "Be quiet!" When this happens I quickly facilitate using quieter voices in the classroom, but maybe your son is particularily selsitive to sound. Have you had his hearing checked? Maybe he's got ear infections?

Feel free to message me personally if you want to ask me anythign else. I love kids at this age. :flowerforyou:

awoodwaring

I ditto putting him to bed an hour or two earlier and eliminating the naps. Both of my kids stopped napping before 4 (one stopped at age 3, one at age 2...grrr).

leynak

I have a daughter that turns 5 in April. Her bedtime is 7pm & she gets up at 7am. She goes half a day of school and usually takes a small nap after she gets home from school. I can really tell if she doesn't get a nap. My older daughter had full day of school at the same age & had naps in school. At 4/5 kids still need to be getting plenty of sleep so I don't see why a nap would be hurting anything. Maybe move his bedtime up? My older daughter was really cranky when she was that age & I eventually had to move her bedtime to 6 because she would lay in bed for a while before going to sleep. So she would go to sleep by 8 instead of going to bed at 7 & falling asleep by 9 or 10.

As far as needing quiet I wouldn't be too worried about that. Both of my daughters hate loud noises & are constantly complaining that the other is "hurting their ears." Which I think really means they're annoying each other, not that it really hurts their ears.

sbeisel1

I agree with seeing a pediatrician to rule out any medical issues, or diet issues. I have a very active 5 year old in kindergarten, he goes to bed about 7pm and is up at 6-6:30 napping is not an option for him he got used to it after a few weeks. without naps he tends to sleep better at night. I have found though with being "tired" or acting out can be diet. what does he get for breakfast? snack? lunch? try a litte experiment, create an MFP account for him just to log the food and take a good look at his day, what is his sugar, sodium and vitamin intake like?. I was having trouble with mine acting up at school and crashing in the afternoons, after a long hard look, I had to adjust his meals greatly, eggs or whole grain cereal in the morning, fruit, veggies and proteine at lunch with whole grains. On the relationship side of things, you and your hubby sound stressed, take care of the relationship kids can act out when their parents dont get along or respect one another, kids are very intuitive and pick up on these things. My boy is a picky eater so I always give him a multivitamin, he only drinks water, milk and the ocasional juice(with veggies) but his #1 choice is always water. good luck.

JujiBean

Many years ago, our family went on vacation to Jamaica for a week and my son invited his good friend. The good friend's mother insisted that her son get an afternoon nap every day or he would "throw tantrums, be cranky, not sleep at night, etc." Since my son was not a napper, I ignored her directions and figured I would just play it by ear. (I know, I know, but it was my vacation and I was not going to sit in a hotel room babysitting her son.)

Day 1: her son complained of being tired after lunch. Rather than putting him down for a nap, we went to the beach...and then swimming in the pool, and then the boys played pool...and then we had dinner. Then the evening resort activities started and those boys were boogeying in the disco, swimming, playing bingo....all until around 11pm

Day 2: The boys were up at 7am, bright eyed and bushy-tailed. Her son didn't mention being tired and Day 2 was a repeat of Day 1. This went on for 7 full days.

When we got home, I confessed that I hadn't made him take a nap. Over a long teary conversation with his mother, she confessed that she NEEDED him to take a nap because she needed "down time."

Try keeping your son busy and occupied and maybe take a long look at the dynamics going on in your family.

TheDaniProject

4 and 5 years


About 11 to 12 hours. Some kids this age get all their sleep at night, while others still conk out for an hour or two in the afternoon. A child who is in kindergarten or has an unusually active day may be worn out and ready to head to bed earlier than usual. - babycenter website

so this is what babycenter website states for a big kid. i can understand if he needs his nap.

Herownself

Aw, hang in there. My son still napped at 5 years old. School would just wipe him out.

Here is one thought on the "needing quiet." At my kids school, they let the kids use big head phones when they need to concentrate. The head phones muffle the sounds of the other kids and can help them focus. The headphones are not connected to any music or anything, just noise reduction. You could try those little foam ear plugs if the school is ok with it.

Take care.

AngelEyes127

I agree on the earlier bedtime...when mine were that age, bedtime started at 7:00...pajamas, toothbrushing, stories...they were usually nodding off by 7:30-7:45. But if he has a late afternoon nap(anything after 2:00)he will definitely NOT be ready to sleep by 8:00. Try scheduling the twins nap when you can spend some quiet time with him, maybe he just wants to reconnect with mom one-on-one.

THIS!

Both of my kids have gone through this exact same thing and if they were not in bed by 7:30pm, they would get a second wind and get really hyper. They would stay up for at least 2 hours if not more once I put them to bed if it was after they hit that point, which was torture for me!.....From all the books I have read, everything says you have to catch it before you reach that point and so far it has worked for me! Good luck! :flowerforyou:

beccyleigh

Sunday through Thursday night my son is in bed & asleep between 7.30-8pm. He wakes up around 6.30am. He is 4 & is in reception at school full time (8.30am till 3pm). At weekends we are more flexible but if he is up after 8.30pm it is an event.

A tired child will sleep when bedtime comes so it seems letting him nap in the day is affecting his nighttime sleep pattern.

Personally I stopped my sons day naps when he was around 3 as he was not going to sleep for over 30mins to an hour after being put down. After stopping the naps he was asleep within 10 minutes of going down & these days it takes him about 5 minutes to drift off.

I don't know a single child of this age still sleeping in the day, quiet time for 30 minutes if they get weepy or grumpy is usually enough to sort them out.

But only you know your child, no two are the same but generally most children follow a similar developmental pattern.

karenjoy

I have noticed that many of you are saying your children are at kindergarten at 4 and 5, here children are in actual education in school at that age, so rather than playing and suiting themselves, they are having lessons and learning literacy and numeracy as well as other things, and they don't have daytime naps in any of the schools I work in, and have never heard of this happening. So maybe children here go to bed earlier because they are more tired.