Am I being paranoid?

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2

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  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
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    He's in a relationship...trust me...I promise you...
  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,015 Member
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    I would just let him make the next move. If he wants you, he'll come and get you.

    I've known a lot of guy friends like this so it's not that crazy.
  • ADM1979
    ADM1979 Posts: 105 Member
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    He's in a relationship...trust me...I promise you...

    Totally agree . . . he is hiding something was the first thing I thought as I read this. Time to move on! You can so totally do it!!
  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
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    WOW! I do understand where everyone is comming from but I do think the advice is a bit drastic at this point. What is so wrong with going slow?

    1) You don't really know him, you know the electronic version but computers give us the ability to be anyone we want and deception can often play a role. How the story played out in your mind is not necessarily how it played out in his.

    2) He may have gotten cold feet. Guys can be self conscience too. Past is a good indicator of the future and you don't have that. You have his words but friends and family bring a clearer picture of who someone is.

    3) You want to mary your best friend if in fact that is where this relationship ends up. What are his beliefs and are you willing to compromise your for his. You started out as friends, so be his friend and get to know him. You really are complete strangers. Just because I interact with a book doesn't mean I know the author. Enjoy where you are at and communicate your intention for this relationship with him. If it's meant to be it will flourish but you have to stand firm. We are such a cut and run socoiety. It's important to remember that he has feelings too and may have been hurt in the past. Even though it's not necessarily going the way you want it to doesn't mean there's nothing there. Take your time. What if he missread you and dumped you out of his life and you really liked him? Have compassion and grace.

    Treat your self like the treasured gift you are and be willing to treat this relationship like the valued priviledge it is. Someones life has been placed in your life for a purpose. You should find out what that is.

    Lastly, feelings are deceptive. There is no greater love than that of he who will lay his life down for his brother. Love is an action not a feeling. Sometimes we have to do something we don't want to do for the good of others and it doesn't always feel good. I don't like to punish my kids but I love them enough to protect them from the dangers they are willing to put themselves in.
    Be blessed I know everything will work out the way it should.:flowerforyou:
  • timadotcom
    timadotcom Posts: 674 Member
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    He is clearly intimidated by your awesome biceps. Cut him loose

    I have to agree with this.. that's some bicep
  • garnetsms
    garnetsms Posts: 10,018 Member
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    WOW! I do understand where everyone is comming from but I do think the advice is a bit drastic at this point. What is so wrong with going slow?

    1) You don't really know him, you know the electronic version but computers give us the ability to be anyone we want and deception can often play a role. How the story played out in your mind is not necessarily how it played out in his.

    2) He may have gotten cold feet. Guys can be self conscience too. Past is a good indicator of the future and you don't have that. You have his words but friends and family bring a clearer picture of who someone is.

    3) You want to mary your best friend if in fact that is where this relationship ends up. What are his beliefs and are you willing to compromise your for his. You started out as friends, so be his friend and get to know him. You really are complete strangers. Just because I interact with a book doesn't mean I know the author. Enjoy where you are at and communicate your intention for this relationship with him. If it's meant to be it will flourish but you have to stand firm. We are such a cut and run socoiety. It's important to remember that he has feelings too and may have been hurt in the past. Even though it's not necessarily going the way you want it to doesn't mean there's nothing there. Take your time. What if he missread you and dumped you out of his life and you really liked him? Have compassion and grace.

    Treat your self like the treasured gift you are and be willing to treat this relationship like the valued priviledge it is. Someones life has been placed in your life for a purpose. You should find out what that is.

    Lastly, feelings are deceptive. There is no greater love than that of he who will lay his life down for his brother. Love is an action not a feeling. Sometimes we have to do something we don't want to do for the good of others and it doesn't always feel good. I don't like to punish my kids but I love them enough to protect them from the dangers they are willing to put themselves in.
    Be blessed I know everything will work out the way it should.:flowerforyou:

    very well said
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    Thanks for all the replies. I know he is not in a relationship and I know he is not married. I have gotten to know him as a person the last year, albeit not IN person. I agree it is important to be friends first. We haven't talked at all about a relationship or if he could see himself in one with me, simply because he told me a long time ago the next girl he starts seeing he is in no rush. I know he has been cheated on before, and I know the girl before me just used him. I know this because we talk about everything. He has never held back feelings on different topics before, and has never not told me when I am being stupid about something or whatever. We consider each other friends and I am pretty sure he would be honest about any topic with me. That being said, this doesnt mean he is into me, too!

    I totally just want to ask him if he is into me at all, but I do not want to rush anything! Realistically, hanging out once is not enough, IMO, to know if you want to be in a relationship with someone. I probably did rush it. We met, and it went well. Then I asked the next night if we could hang out. He was busy. Then I asked the next night if we could hang out. He said no, not tonite. Thats when I asked if he had any interest in hanging out again and he said yes, that he had fun. And then I realized I am asking him too much! I left him alone for a couple days then we started texting. I asked if he wanted to go to a movie, and queue in my story above.

    I dont know! Do I leave it or do I flat out ask him? Or do I just see how out next hanging out goes?
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    If he has told you he doesn't need to talk or be with someone all the time it could just be his personality. I am very much this way as well. I appreciate the "touching base" and contact but I don't need it all the time to validate a relationship. The catch is finding someone who works that way as well. if you don't work that way then THAT may ve the reason to move on.
  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
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    I think it's up to you. Do you feel he's worth waiting around for? I do think you could make your intentions know but also to be his friend. It may be what he needs That would be my advice. I hope it's helpful.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    I think it is his personality. He likes to play video games and doesn't go out much. He has a good job, so he's not someone who can't socialize or anything (lol) but he more prefers quiet time like I do. And I know that we are just friends, so I guess it is unfair for me to have expectations of him at this point. Also, I have to realize that just because *I* would maybe say or do something in a certain situation, doesnt mean someone else has to. And if they don't, I can't fault them for that. I can't change anyone.
  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
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    You are right on! But while in yes we are incapable of changing people. We do have influence and we can affect positive change through our character and gifts. You are conciderate and thoughtful. I love this about you.
  • GouchisGirl
    GouchisGirl Posts: 321 Member
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    If a guy is truly interested he would make time to see you. He does not sound interested. I say move on.

    ^^^^ Sooooo true! If you have texted him that much, and he isn't as excited I'd say move on, and find that guy that wants to get together more often, and atleast text you back. :)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I met my boyfriend online. We lived 100+ miles apart at the time. We talked online, on the phone and texted ALL the time. Once we met in person? The texting slowed down a lot and the phone calls? Well, they nearly stopped. We did spend a lot of time together - even though we were so far apart. I found that once we had met, my boyfriend didn't feel like texting was as important - maybe because we had a connection that went beyond words at that point? I really don't know. It bothered me a lot and I mentioned it to him. He never really said WHY it changed, but I could tell that it did.

    Granted, we spent A LOT of time together and saw each other on a pretty regular basis. But, I missed the funny texts or phone calls we had.

    You've shown you're interested in him. It could be exactly what he said - that he doesn't need to be in constant communication with someone or doesn't need to see someone all the time. OR it could be that he didn't feel the same once you met in person and now he isn't sure how to tell you.

    My best advice? ASK. That is the best way to get an answer vs speculating. Tell him that you can handle the truth (and be prepared to hear the worst) and you NEED to know it.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    Thanks for the reply. We started talking initially as friends and we met as friends, so I guess I can't expect him to act like anything other than my friend until we see each other more and decide to/to not make it into something else.
  • Shawnjay75
    Shawnjay75 Posts: 81 Member
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    Don't be so available...give things a break and let him call you. When he calls....don't answer!
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
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    Yeah, maybe a little clingy. Like the above said, back it down a notch and let him respond.
  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,303 Member
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    There are thousands of women out there that have issues with their boyfriend/husband spending too much time playing video games. And you are chasing this type of guy? :huh:
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    I guess I just think he could spend time chasing other girls or going out drinking or doing drugs or whatever, so I don't think playing video games is a big deal.
  • paulamarsden
    paulamarsden Posts: 483 Member
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    There are thousands of women out there that have issues with their boyfriend/husband spending too much time playing video games. And you are chasing this type of guy? :huh:

    i dont understand this AT ALL.

    i play them with him, often when he isnt here also.

    i dont expect my husband to be into spending an entire Saturday at the beauty salon... why should i expect him to not enjoy his stuff?

    total balls.

    and to the OP. Seriously, never chase a guy, if he likes you, he will come.
  • foodfight247
    foodfight247 Posts: 767 Member
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    You know what....I'd just take a step back for a while and leave the ball in his court.
    If hes really into you then he will make contact. Just be careful tho as some people have clearly said, he may be messing or hiding something.

    On the other hand, some friendships and close relationships take time to grow...in the meantime, relax. If its really bothering you and he truly values your friendship at least, then he shouldn't be alarmed at you asking him directly what the score is and where the two of you stand and what's to be expected. Sometimes your expectations are different to the other persons.

    In summary, I'd just loosen contact a little.

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