Who told u that u weren't worth it?

Setof2Keys

I was watching Dr. Oz last week and he was talking to woman that were trying to be overweight. They spoke about how food is a drug like any other drug that we use to escape from pain.

He also metions how weight loss/gain is a physical issue but also a mental issue.

He goes on to ask ppl to close their eyes and think very hard..."Who told you that you weren't worth it?"
What does he mean by this? Some of the women stated no one has ever said this to them but then the Therapist brought up each of them having a Father that was absent, or a partner that encouraged their weight gain for their own pleasure, amd sexual abuse that was ignored. If you look back I think we all have had someone directly or indirectly told us we weren't worth it.

After truely thinking about this, I realized when my weight and food habits really started to change. When I totally started to feel crappy about myself and would turn to food and sugary snacks to make myself feel better. I also really had to think about how that pain and remind myself that the person that indirectly me told me this, no longer could have that power over me. They didn't deserve it in the first place and now it is time to take that back!! It is mine and anyone that deserves it would treasure my worth more than that.

Please take a few moments and think about this to yourself. It may cause some pain, but when you gather more power over self worth than you take control of your life and your progress...

I love you MFPers!! Take time and love yourself.

happygirl338

Thank you for this. Defiantly bumping this for when I'm feeling down

LesliePierceRN

My mom definitely reinforced the idea in our house.. She made us fairly miserable for as long as I can remember.. and my sister is morbidly obese with many comorbidities because she is an emotional eater. I was blessed with an entirely different temperament, I instead dig in my heels and live to prove her and anyone else that disses me wrong. I would rather throw down in a fist fight than eat a cupcake or pint of ice cream when I'm upset. But for years and years I lived with the 'knowledge' that I'd never be good enough and always be expendable. I mean, seriously, how valuable can you possibly be if you own mother throws you away?? That was me. I just didn't eat to deal with it, but I completely understand the pain. I threw myself into whatever endeavor I was into at any particular time.. be it schoolwork, my job or training for some competition. People think I'm dedicated and focused, but really it's desperation.. even after all these years, to prove her wrong.. just a little bit.

Tara4boys

An orthopedist. When I hurt my hip a few years ago, he told me it wasn't worth surgery since I wasn't a "real" athlete. I immediately called another doctor, but it still really hurt.

Enigmatica

My alcoholic parents, especially my mother, and the guy I married who turned out to be my mother reincarnated in a male body. I started losing weight rapidly once I cut them out of my life for good.

lizard053

An abusive BF. He liked his women overweight or obese, and wouldn't ever leave me alone unless I always cleared my plate. And then he'd give me more food. Ugh! I gained over 30 pounds with him. Then I got right into another unhealthy relationship. Didn't see it until it was too late and I couldn't function as a human being any more.

I am so glad I was able to take my life back!

busyblkgirl

My sperm donor, who chose not to be there to acknowledge or even raise his little girl. As a kid, when all the other kids would be talking about how amazing their dad's were, I would make stories up about how my dad was equally, if not more wonderful than their dad's. I reached out to him years later to invite him to my wedding, and he promised to come, but when it was all said and done, he was a no show, saying once again, I wasn't worth it, even with the forgiveness i'd bestowed upon him (working myself up to invite him was no easy task). Great, now i'm sad, but I never thought about him as it relates to my weight.

bethyboop19

I have been told I wasn't worth it or good enough by school teachers and subtly by my Mum, although she didn't mean to. But I never turned to food. I hardly ate as a child and use to go swimming twice a week. So I don't know how that equates to my weight gain. I always thought that my weight gained because my body was always in starvation mode and I had an underactive thyroid (which didn't get treated till I was 20.)

bcattoes

This sounds like another way to blame someone else for the fact that you (general you) are overweight. There are a precious few people lucky enough to not have anyone ever make them feel not worth it. Not all of them got fat.

LesliePierceRN

This sounds like another way to blame someone else for the fact that you (general you) are overweight. There are a precious few people lucky enough to not have anyone ever make them feel not worth it. Not all of them got fat.

That's not fair. She's not insinuating everyone that ever felt unworthy, who was brainwashed into that life, were the only people that ever got fat. You can not deny there is a huge correlation, tho. There's a large population of us here who have similar backgrounds, whether you want to admit it or not. This is about reaffirming to those who wear that particular scar that they are worth it and can shed the mindset along with the weight. You're right, not all of them got fat.. Many turned to drugs. Many to alcohol. Many became bullies. And those people may or may not ever be able to be more than a drug addict or alcoholic or bully.. but those of us here are taking control. not blaming and pointing fingers, and winning! And part of the struggle in taking control involves discovering WHY we do/did what we do/did in the first place, so that we may change it.

It's curious to me that you are here, in a very superior way, yourself. If you weren't hurt and ate to cover the pain, then why are you here to begin with? If you were perfect and responsible for your own destiny in the first place, why did you need a weight loss forum to join? Be very careful where you throw your stones.

bcattoes

This sounds like another way to blame someone else for the fact that you (general you) are overweight. There are a precious few people lucky enough to not have anyone ever make them feel not worth it. Not all of them got fat.

That's not fair. She's not insinuating everyone that ever felt unworthy, who was brainwashed into that life, were the only people that ever got fat. You can not deny there is a huge correlation, tho. There's a large population of us here who have similar backgrounds, whether you want to admit it or not. This is about reaffirming to those who wear that particular scar that they are worth it and can shed the mindset along with the weight. You're right, not all of them got fat.. Many turned to drugs. Many to alcohol. Many became bullies. And those people may or may not ever be able to be more than a drug addict or alcoholic or bully.. but those of us here are taking control. not blaming and pointing fingers, and winning! And part of the struggle in taking control involves discovering WHY we do/did what we do/did in the first place, so that we may change it.

It's curious to me that you are here, in a very superior way, yourself. If you weren't hurt and ate to cover the pain, then why are you here to begin with? If you were perfect and responsible for your own destiny in the first place, why did you need a weight loss forum to join? Be very careful where you throw your stones.

I wasn't being superior or throwing stones, that is just your interpretation. I find it counterproductive to point fingers at someone else for weight gain. Only very young adults who have been fat since they were children have a right to that IMO. Overweight children can and should blame their parents.

I don't believe the "poor poor pitiful me, it's not my fault I'm fat" mentality does anyone any good. I know how I gained weight. I ate and drank too much and exercised too little. It has nothing to do with my dad leaving when I was young, or having to raise 2 kids on my own, or any of the other negatives in my life. It's because I ate and drank too much and exercised too little. Not because I didn't live a fairy land full of miracles and unicorns.

If you want to point blame at others for your weight gain, and sling insults my way because I say I don't buy it. Go ahead. It's a public forum. But I still don't buy it.

Setof2Keys

This sounds like another way to blame someone else for the fact that you (general you) are overweight. There are a precious few people lucky enough to not have anyone ever make them feel not worth it. Not all of them got fat.

That's not fair. She's not insinuating everyone that ever felt unworthy, who was brainwashed into that life, were the only people that ever got fat. You can not deny there is a huge correlation, tho. There's a large population of us here who have similar backgrounds, whether you want to admit it or not. This is about reaffirming to those who wear that particular scar that they are worth it and can shed the mindset along with the weight. You're right, not all of them got fat.. Many turned to drugs. Many to alcohol. Many became bullies. And those people may or may not ever be able to be more than a drug addict or alcoholic or bully.. but those of us here are taking control. not blaming and pointing fingers, and winning! And part of the struggle in taking control involves discovering WHY we do/did what we do/did in the first place, so that we may change it.

It's curious to me that you are here, in a very superior way, yourself. If you weren't hurt and ate to cover the pain, then why are you here to begin with? If you were perfect and responsible for your own destiny in the first place, why did you need a weight loss forum to join? Be very careful where you throw your stones.

I wasn't being superior or throwing stones, that is just your interpretation. I find it counterproductive to point fingers at someone else for weight gain. Only very young adults who have been fat since they were children have a right to that IMO. Overweight children can and should blame their parents.

I don't believe the "poor poor pitiful me, it's not my fault I'm fat" mentality does anyone any good. I know how I gained weight. I ate and drank too much and exercised too little. It has nothing to do with my dad leaving when I was young, or having to raise 2 kids on my own, or any of the other negatives in my life. It's because I ate and drank too much and exercised too little. Not because I didn't live a fairy land full of miracles and unicorns.

If you want to point blame at others for your weight gain, and sling insults my way because I say I don't buy it. Go ahead. It's a public forum. But I still don't buy it.

You are obviously still needing to deal with these issues...If you read what I wrote, nothing stated to blame that person. LADYMUSCLES is right, finding the reason WHY is a huge part of this journey and if you don't discover that and understand it, you can work out all day, but that hurt and pain that lead you there in the first place will eventually always win, until you overcome it that is.

My post was to encourage ppl that are also on an emotional journey to look deeper and to know they are worth it.

Although your reaction to your father leaving and your children's dad leaving is up to you, but both of those ppl telling you that you are not worth it hurts and you are expected to react in some fashion...I also noticed that there were several women on this panel that were in denial as well until the Therapist tore apart their own life stories. I hope you truely look deeper into your own experiences because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

1shauna1

When I was a teenager I started to get into modelling. At 5'10" and 135 I was considered to be too big and my agency told me to come back if I lost more weight. That started my downward spiral. Now I have been engaged in a 20 year battle to get back to a normal weight......I wish I had never tried to get into that industry.

lizard053

This sounds like another way to blame someone else for the fact that you (general you) are overweight. There are a precious few people lucky enough to not have anyone ever make them feel not worth it. Not all of them got fat.

It's not about blame, it's about acknowledgement.

bcattoes

This sounds like another way to blame someone else for the fact that you (general you) are overweight. There are a precious few people lucky enough to not have anyone ever make them feel not worth it. Not all of them got fat.

That's not fair. She's not insinuating everyone that ever felt unworthy, who was brainwashed into that life, were the only people that ever got fat. You can not deny there is a huge correlation, tho. There's a large population of us here who have similar backgrounds, whether you want to admit it or not. This is about reaffirming to those who wear that particular scar that they are worth it and can shed the mindset along with the weight. You're right, not all of them got fat.. Many turned to drugs. Many to alcohol. Many became bullies. And those people may or may not ever be able to be more than a drug addict or alcoholic or bully.. but those of us here are taking control. not blaming and pointing fingers, and winning! And part of the struggle in taking control involves discovering WHY we do/did what we do/did in the first place, so that we may change it.

It's curious to me that you are here, in a very superior way, yourself. If you weren't hurt and ate to cover the pain, then why are you here to begin with? If you were perfect and responsible for your own destiny in the first place, why did you need a weight loss forum to join? Be very careful where you throw your stones.

I wasn't being superior or throwing stones, that is just your interpretation. I find it counterproductive to point fingers at someone else for weight gain. Only very young adults who have been fat since they were children have a right to that IMO. Overweight children can and should blame their parents.

I don't believe the "poor poor pitiful me, it's not my fault I'm fat" mentality does anyone any good. I know how I gained weight. I ate and drank too much and exercised too little. It has nothing to do with my dad leaving when I was young, or having to raise 2 kids on my own, or any of the other negatives in my life. It's because I ate and drank too much and exercised too little. Not because I didn't live a fairy land full of miracles and unicorns.

If you want to point blame at others for your weight gain, and sling insults my way because I say I don't buy it. Go ahead. It's a public forum. But I still don't buy it.

You are obviously still needing to deal with these issues...If you read what I wrote, nothing stated to blame that person. LADYMUSCLES is right, finding the reason WHY is a huge part of this journey and if you don't discover that and understand it, you can work out all day, but that hurt and pain that lead you there in the first place will eventually always win, until you overcome it that is.

My post was to encourage ppl that are also on an emotional journey to look deeper and to know they are worth it.

Although your reaction to your father leaving and your children's dad leaving is up to you, but both of those ppl telling you that you are not worth it hurts and you are expected to react in some fashion...I also noticed that there were several women on this panel that were in denial as well until the Therapist tore apart their own life stories. I hope you truely look deeper into your own experiences because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

I guess I don't need to. I met my goal last year and have been in maintenance for over 6 months. Nothing deep buried here. You are assuming a lot about my life, btw.

Setof2Keys

I still feel this is valid!!! Not as an excuse but as an acknowledgement to deep seeded issues I order to begin the progress towards greatness!!

tuckerrj

You lost me at, "I was watching Dr. Oz.....", nuff said.

Bellodesiderare

tuckerrj wrote: »

You lost me at, "I was watching Dr. Oz.....", nuff said.

+100. Dr.Oz is a product-pushing quack.

Fruitylicious03

My mother and myself (as a result of her). Until I thought, screw it. I'm making this all about me me me! Perhaps I said it to myself a few times, but I don't think I believed myself, otherwise I wouldn't have decided to get on with my life.

SallyJones1985

Almost every single person in my life (my children are the only exceptions) has directly or indirectly (mainly directly) told me I'm not worth it.

Has it added to why I'm overweight? Yes. I'm an emotional eater, I eat when I'm sad, lonely and stressed.

Do I blame these people for me being fat? No. It was all me that put the food into my mouth.

Understanding why you eat too much may involve thinking about the way others have treated you but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're blaming someone else for your weight gain.

yoovie

fear of success is real.

guimauveconfections

My husband. Even now, without words. When I proudly tell him about the vigorous exercise I completed that day...he laughs and talks about how vigorous his job is instead. When he sees I'm cleaning out the unhealthy foods in the fridge...he brings home cake and ice cream (for him of course, because I should be strong enough to resist). It's as if he wants me to stay fat so I won't leave him. Ugh.

azulvioleta6

Nobody, and if they had I wouldn't have bought into it.

I gained weight due to health problems. Not everybody who is overweight binges, makes bad food choices or uses food as a drug.

jnv7594

Nearly everyone I've been close to in my life. I've always felt second best and like I'm never anyone's first choice. My low self esteem stems from hundreds of different encounters with different people. From the kids that bullied me in high school to my own father who showed preference of my sister over me. And it's not just how they treated me, but how I allowed them to make me feel. I do take some responsibility for letting them get to me. The ones from my family hurt the most. I grew up in a very traumatic household where people were always fighting. My sister used to hide me and my other sister in the closet when my parents fought. Later in life both of my sisters would get into knock down drag out fights with my mother. I've learned the hard way not to trust people or depend on them for anything. Just about the only person that doesn't make me feel that way is my daughter. It always makes me wonder what I am putting out there to people that make them think I'm disposable or an easy target. I have yet to figure it out, but as I get older, I'm working hard toward letting all of that negativity go. It's not easy. Not sure why I shared all of this, lol. I guess reading the op brought it out.

jnv7594

tuckerrj wrote: »

You lost me at, "I was watching Dr. Oz.....", nuff said.

Yes, I almost stopped reading there, but the op's post does make a good point. One that Dr. Oz probably got from somewhere else.

Kalikel

bcattoes wrote: »

This sounds like another way to blame someone else for the fact that you (general you) are overweight. There are a precious few people lucky enough to not have anyone ever make them feel not worth it. Not all of them got fat.

That's not fair. She's not insinuating everyone that ever felt unworthy, who was brainwashed into that life, were the only people that ever got fat. You can not deny there is a huge correlation, tho. There's a large population of us here who have similar backgrounds, whether you want to admit it or not. This is about reaffirming to those who wear that particular scar that they are worth it and can shed the mindset along with the weight. You're right, not all of them got fat.. Many turned to drugs. Many to alcohol. Many became bullies. And those people may or may not ever be able to be more than a drug addict or alcoholic or bully.. but those of us here are taking control. not blaming and pointing fingers, and winning! And part of the struggle in taking control involves discovering WHY we do/did what we do/did in the first place, so that we may change it.

It's curious to me that you are here, in a very superior way, yourself. If you weren't hurt and ate to cover the pain, then why are you here to begin with? If you were perfect and responsible for your own destiny in the first place, why did you need a weight loss forum to join? Be very careful where you throw your stones.

I wasn't being superior or throwing stones, that is just your interpretation. I find it counterproductive to point fingers at someone else for weight gain. Only very young adults who have been fat since they were children have a right to that IMO. Overweight children can and should blame their parents.

I don't believe the "poor poor pitiful me, it's not my fault I'm fat" mentality does anyone any good. I know how I gained weight. I ate and drank too much and exercised too little. It has nothing to do with my dad leaving when I was young, or having to raise 2 kids on my own, or any of the other negatives in my life. It's because I ate and drank too much and exercised too little. Not because I didn't live a fairy land full of miracles and unicorns.

If you want to point blame at others for your weight gain, and sling insults my way because I say I don't buy it. Go ahead. It's a public forum. But I still don't buy it.

Right! No chip on that shoulder!

I think a lot of overweight people have had some bad experiences and have been told they weren't worth it. Not a fan of Dr. Oz in any way, but there is often eating disorder stuff thrown in with obesity. Working through it is a better idea than not.