Please some advice- I feel CRUSHED. I can't believe I'm doin

trying2findmyway

It's nearly Valentines day and I'm dealing with a situation I can't let go of.
Please bear with me- I will try tokeep this short. I am just looking for some honest genuine advice.

I tried dating my ex again- our relationship this time and last time were both short lived. There were numerous things that bothered me about him and I often felt like I was most definitely settling. I don't have a huge group of friends or live in the most "happening" of cities so it's not like I run across a swarm of great guys. I felt like I would look past all of his flaws and red flags just to have someone around. (disgusting).

He has QUITE a few female friends.... you know the type that he says "we're just friends" but you know at one point they were obviously something more. His female friends were questionable as far as character. It's not my place to judge but they had multiple kids from different fathers, pregnant, drugs etc etc. It's almost like he doesn't care who he gets attention from... obviously these girls gave him a little ego boost and etc... no offence to them but I personally don't think any guy of substance would entertain them...
In the back of my head I ALWAYS wondered does he picture me the same way as them... hell, we're like night & day!
I also always thought he initiated conversation again because he couldn't find anyone else... maybe this is true... maybe this is just my insecurity.
The fact that he has these type of female friends around always bothered me- I just really questioned things. I always wondered if he was talking to them the same way he talked to me :indifferent: They were always needy and he was always there for advice and help... I understand a female-male friendship where there are boundaries but I something wasn't right.


Anyways, this time around it did feel different though.. it felt genuine, like his feelings had really grown and there were days where I honestly thought maybe he was the "one" (wish I wasn't such a hopeless romantic)
but as days went on... I would always bring up things to him- things that bothered me and I know that this bothered him. We have little to nothing in common- his response was always "well opposites attract" I personally think you have to have some common ground. at the end of the day I wasn't happy so I ended the relationship. I told him I think we're better off as friends (truthfully I cannot be his friend). and I just listed the things that bothered me. He was quiet for a little but took it fairly well.
The next day he called me and had so much "fight" in him... and said some really sweet things. I tried not to let it get to my head. After that the communication stopped... I lashed out a little on him because I was going through some things- I told him I wanted to be friends but then when he was my friend I didn't want him as a friend. I pushed him away and the communication stoped for about a week.

Yesterday I caved and emailed him and said I had a question to ask. Wasn't sure what I was going to ask just wanted to see if he would respond. He did and we conversed on IM. I was going to ask something else but I just stuck it out and asked him if he thinks about me... because honestly he's always on my mind and I hate it. He said he does all the time.

So today he didn't say anything to me... I wish I would have left well enough alone and realized my worth.
He obviously wouldn't know a good thing if it hit him in the face.
I'm not going ot list my good qualities but I have more going for myself than him. I've lost a great deal of weight and am trying to enjoy my new body and youth.
Why am I stuck on him? a guy who really doesn't truthfully care... a guy has friends like that... and a guy who doesn't care if he loses me or not.

I sooo badly want to run into him looking sooo hot with a really great guy and give him a smile like #winning.
Please some advice. I'm at a loss with this.

excuse my typos and grammatical errors.

ps. before anyone says anything about sex... we're both virgins

redefiningmyself

I'd say you're crushing on him because you are afraid to be alone. And girl, let me tell you, being alone is not so bad. Its certainly not as bad as staying with someone you don't love.

I'd say the first place to start is to become your own very very best friend. Enjoy your own company, so it doesn't matter who else is with you. I know that may sound stupid, but when you love yourself enough that it doesn't matter if someone else is around or not - it makes it a lot easier to kick losers to the curb.

Also, maybe consider online dating where you can meet someone who isn't part of your existing social circle, and who you would have more in common with and who you could actually love. You never know that perfect someone could be right around the corner.

Carl01

I know it is painful but there is nothing good that will come of this and you will be happier to shut the door once and for all and move on in life.

Find a man that deserves you and is willing to earn you.

Pollywog39

You don't say how old you are, and if you've been in other relationships......but THIS one is wasting your time.

You know this. You pretty-much SAID so in your post. What are you hanging on to? A dream? A vision? A "maybe"? Why waste your previous time and life?

And with that list of female "friends", are you SURE this guy is a virgin? Hmmmmmmmmm.

You know what you need to do. Give it up. Move on. Try online dating or some other outlet to meet folks. Stop the madness, or live in unhappiness.

YOU have the control here..............and, trust me darlin', you do NOT want to be with the wrong man. I married the wrong one, and it was a LONG time of misery. I am single now - and LOVIN' it.

Trust your instincts.................. you'll be fine.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

teagin2002

It is important to move on sweetie, so you can open yourself up to the possibility of finding another.
If you don't like where you live change it, but please let go of him. He is no good to you at all :flowerforyou:

ItsCasey

Do not be in a relationship with anyone based on your fantasy of who he could be someday. You know who he is right now: a guy who, in your words, doesn't care if he loses you. It sucks. It's a slap in the face and a punch in the stomach and a kick in the proverbial 'nads all at once, but it's the truth. There's nothing else to talk about.

bcattoes

You sound pretty young and I can remember what that feels like. But you need to move on. You'll know that's really happened when you stop caring if you run into him or not, or whether you are alone or with someone if you do. Just concentrate on making you happy, not on making him unhappy.

karenjoy

Do not touch him with a barge pole...run away...he is not good for you...and as for the 'questionable' female friends, he probably thinks of you as being the same as them, you are needy and call him and do all the same ego rubbing that you say they do. Get away and don't give yourself to him because you are lonely.