Does your spouse have a friend you can't stand?

MissingMyOldSelf

Quick background into my life:

I have a brother who's in his late 30's (about 8 years older than I am, but is actually in the mental mindset of someone who's about 14), and when he was born, he had a 3-lb cyst on his brain, which took many surgeries to get completely taken care of. Those surgeries effected a lot - cognitive learning, balance, sight, ... things that he gets frustrated with himself because he sometimes has short term memory loss. It's something I've learned to deal with my entire life, and my husband is also learning the ins and outs of my brothers issues, as well. We all three live together, too. It's not always been a slice of heaven, having to give up our privacy as a married couple, but as long as my brother has us there, he's fine. When he gets stressed out, he tends to somewhat go into a mental depression, and things don't get done, like cleaning, his laundry (he does that... not me). But throughout his struggles, there's been a lot of successes, as well: graduated college with a degree in Computer Engineering, had a job for over 7 years at Panasonic until that location closed, works at Walmart and is a SUPER cashier and gets TONS of positive reviews from customers, ... he's trying to make himself be as "normal" as possible. And yes, I'm partially protective of him, as any sister would be

Well, this past weekend, my husband had a friend over to help him with his RC heli and to set it up. This "friend", who seems to make everyone miserable because he himself is miserable with everything in general. His wife dislikes him, so he always has to give crap to his married friends because they're having a "date night" or whatever. My hubby and I don't see each other much because of our conflicting work schedules during the week, so the weekends are OUR time together, and his friend can't understand why "I" don't let him come out and fly, or hang out at Hooters (yes, that's right... his hangout of choice isn't home with his wife, or children... it's Hooters). My husband has told him time and time again that he WILL NOT answer his phone on the weekends because that's our time together, which I've also told him that if he wanted to go fly, or have a boys night, that's awesome because I'd love a girls' night every now and then.

Back to this past weekend: When the guys were working on the Heli, this "friend" said something on Saturday when I was in the kitchen, less than 10 feet from him, where he said, "At least I'm not as dumb as (my brother)." I dropped what was in my hand (a glass, which broke, by the way), and I turned to him and said, "EXCUSE ME?" He just looked at me, and did the hand gesture for "eh... go away." I stood there, dumbfounded, why someone who knows barely anything about my brother and his sometimes OCD tendencies can just blurt something like that.

First off, I didn't think it was right to say that, and second off, I was pretty ticked my husband didn't say anything. He just stopped laughing, and went back to whatever he was doing. When I confronted my husband about it that night, I calmly said, "You know, (Friend) really pissed me off with his comment about (brother)." He knew I was upset, and just said, "Well, you know that's how (Friend) is. He's gotta make everyone as miserable as he is."

.......Sorry for the rant. My question really is.... how do you deal with your spouse's/so's friend(s) that you can't stand??

scs143

That's a tough situation. I am sorry he was such an *kitten*. My husband has a friend I dislike. He is obnoxious, loud, rude and he believes that women should be either cooking for him, waiting on him or should just be quiet. After numerous situations where he was rude or obnoxious, I just about lost my mind on him and my husband realized that he could either see him at his house or I would eventually break and tell him all the things I was thinking which would have ruined their friendship. So he no longer comes to the house. If he has ever asked why he isn't invited, I don't know about it. I am sure he realizes he is not welcome. He is a self-proclaimed *kitten*. And my feeling is that just because you know your an *kitten* and can say it outloud, doesn't make it okay.

Ask your husband to go to his house. Or have him around when you and your brother are not home.

Ocarina

My husband has loads of friends that I get irritated by. And their wives. He only tolerates them once every few months because the one friend he has he still hangs out with sometimes. I have to push him out of the house sometimes without me to go over there because it seems like he would rather hang out with me then deal with them. They aren't horrible people but live these totally different lives that aren't going anywhere and aren't on the same wavelength as us. We just can't relate and it's hard to deal with sometimes. Part of life is dealing with people you don't like and all people will do something whether intentional or not to piss you off. You will just have to confront him and let him know you don't appreciate what he said and hopefully he won't do it again. If it's a reoccurring issue it's probably best to cut the guy off for awhile. Good luck.

MissingMyOldSelf

Well, things were going great... I haven't seen the guy in over 5 months, and it was BEAUTIFUL! lol!!! But with the Heli setup and having to use our computer for something mechanical on the heli to program it, it had to be done at our house, unfortunately.

I did tell my hubby that it was going to be the last time I would see that guy in a LONG time. So, at least he's gotten the heads up.