I'm glad I got fat-temporarily

Tenoreo90

I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place, but I can say I'm glad I gained weight (though I want to lose it, now). I really learned a lot. I was raised by two very shallow parents that put a LOT of pressure into what I look like, especially my weight. From the time I was 12 I very much believed I was fat (though I never got above 110 until 9th grade).

I put SO much stock into it, and I put a LOT of stock into it for others. It's not to say I was outright rude to the 'fat' girls, a few of my friends were far bigger than me, I just believed I was somehow better than them. I'm not proud of this, I'm downright ashamed I ever thought this way.

After I first had my daughter a couple years ago, and found the weight wasn't 'falling off' as I was reassured it would by my mother (whom I'm pretty sure has an eating disorder) I slipped into a depression. I quit doing anything to make myself feel pretty, and I holed up in my apartment with my boyfriend, whom constantly tells me I'm beautiful. I had gone from 125 to 172 during my pregnancy, and I wanted to die.

Through the months that followed, I was seeing life on the other side. People weren't nearly as friendly as they used to be, especially men. (Although I noticed some women were a tad bit nicer) I HATED shopping. I hated it. I have never learned how to dress as a bigger girl, and I have SO much envy for those that can work their bigger selves. :P I learned how stupid and pretentious those skinny girls that talk down to bigger people look, and it makes me want to go back in time and strangle my younger self.

I learned a lot from this weight GAIN journey. I never want my daughter to feel unloved should she become a bigger girl. I will teach her healthy habits because I want her to grow and be healthy, but I will never cause her to see food as the enemy. I will teach her how to eat treats in moderation. I will teach her to treat all people with equal respect, and to never judge a book by its cover.

I'm sorry this story is a bit jumbled, I'm a bit tired and sick xD. I just wanted to share. I can't wait to lose this so I can be sexy AND level-headed. :]

RandomDude50

Well said, and much respect.

lialuck13

RESPECT x 23908293. I've been one of those mean girls, too, and I wish I could go back in time and slap myself!

leopardvice

well said.
im in the same situation as you due to first baby and weight not coming off. good luck with your journey!

themommie

thanks for sharing. You can do this, just stick with it and dont give up and your daughter is lucky to have a mom that will teach her how to be healthy without making her feel ashamed if she happens to gain weight

spookystitches

You're awesome.

I struggled with weight my whole life and had to deal with many people who were quite horrible to me. I give you so much gratitude for stopping for a moment and seeing that. I'm sorry you were put through such a mess with food and image. Weight is not easy either way.

I have a ton of respect for you and your goal to teach your daughter such wonderful things about food not being an enemy, yet how too much of anything is never good. Such a good mom!

mamacology

Very well said! Being thin most of my adult life, I definately understand where you are coming from by calling this your weight "gain" journey! You do get a chance to learn alot about yourself, society, and people in general. Needles to say, this has been a very unique first-hand look, and i'm ready for the next chapter!

Thanks for positng this.

taliesyn_

Thank you so much. I have always been big and have faced those prejudices all my life - now I am smaller (I still have a long way to go) just seeing how I am treated by the sales assistants in clothing shops today makes me feel much better as a person. I'm not, of course. They just judge the book by the cover.

bunsofsteele77

Well said! Your daughter is so lucky to have a mom like you. Keep up the good work!

iwisheyes

Beautifully worded... thank you for sharing.

Elizabeth_C34

I was never mean to fat girls when I was superfit (back in my competitive running days in my first year of college). I just never understood it until I let myself go down that road.

My thing was that I lashed out against skinny women when I was obese. I forgot that I was once just like them and full of my own body issues. I saw them as "those *****es" instead of human beings. It really had nothing to do with them and everything to do with my own body issues.

I'm so glad I no longer think that way, because I've made some wonderful friends on MFP who are superfit, very dedicated to their heallth, and happen to have been incredible resources for me. I admire them now, whereas I just hated people like them before out of my own self-loathing.

We all need to let go of our misconceptions about other people and accept them as they come.

Great post OP!

BeautyFromPain

beautiful.

michellebd1980

i enjoyed your post! I started putting on weight when I was around 10. I had never had a weight problem prior to that, but, I went through some traumatic things in my childhood and started eating non-stop. My mom put me on diet pills and diet soda and restricted my food every day. She made me feel less than human because I had gained so much weight. Yet, she didn't know about my traumatic events so I can't really blame her. I wish she would have known back then and that I wasn't so scared as a child to speak up and say something. Now, I'm a 31 year old woman and I'm really morbidly obese and working my damnest to get the weight off. Men and women have told me I'm beautiful and I know I'm attractive in the face but after being told most of my life that I was fat and ugly, it sometimes is hard to believe when you're told otherwise. Anyway, to get to my point.... I'm working hard for me and me only. Screw what other nay sayers think. I'm not here for them, I'm here for me!

XXXMinnieXXX

i enjoyed your post! I started putting on weight when I was around 10. I had never had a weight problem prior to that, but, I went through some traumatic things in my childhood and started eating non-stop. My mom put me on diet pills and diet soda and restricted my food every day. She made me feel less than human because I had gained so much weight. Yet, she didn't know about my traumatic events so I can't really blame her. I wish she would have known back then and that I wasn't so scared as a child to speak up and say something. Now, I'm a 31 year old woman and I'm really morbidly obese and working my damnest to get the weight off. Men and women have told me I'm beautiful and I know I'm attractive in the face but after being told most of my life that I was fat and ugly, it sometimes is hard to believe when you're told otherwise. Anyway, to get to my point.... I'm working hard for me and me only. Screw what other nay sayers think. I'm not here for them, I'm here for me!

So sad! Glad your fighting for yourself now! Wish you loads of happiness! X

angiesteele

Thanks for sharing! That was great!

mikajoanow

Awesome post!

Every experience we have teaches us something new about other people and about ourselves. I am sort of glad I did as well.

XXXMinnieXXX

I'm full of admiration for you. It takes a lot to own up to something like that. I'm glad this has made you a better person. Well done for sharing and thankyou. I'm treated badly by some of my friends friends. We end up in the circle on birthdays etc and they just refuse to even acknowledge my existence. This gives me a little more understanding. Let's hope they gain some one day and realise that they were just awful with me for no reason. As I loose weight they want to be associated with me a lot more but I'm not interested as I couldn't understand them. Maybe I can a little more now? X

jezlightyear

refreshing to see someone acknowledging what they've done but wanting to change, respect to you hun and good luck with your continuing journey!

teaspoon43

Well said. I wish there was a month phase that EVERYONE went through in an overweight persons shoes - I truly believe there would be so much more tolerance.

Good for you!

Qarol

Nicely written. I've struggled with my weight my whole adult life. While I'm not yet at goal, gaining the weight really put things in perspective for me. Because I've been at my current weight before, and back then, I couldn't see beautiful. I saw fat. I saw ugly. I saw blob.

I can see sexy now. I can see beautiful.

G30Grrl

What a refreshing post! I, too, learned a lot from my weight gain journey. I don't think I was ever rude to fat people, but I definitely had been brainwashed into thinking it was unattractive. That started to change when I fell in love with a very large man (we are no longer together) who I found to be extremely attractive. Then later, with my own weight gain, I actually sat on my bed looking at myself objectively with my little fat rolls stacked on top of each other, and I realizes that I was not repulsed by what I saw. I did not hate myself for getting fat. I wasn't disgusted. I still thought I had days where I was actually pretty attractive. But I knew it was unhealthy, and I disliked feeling out of shape and uncomfortable. The beauty of this was that I got to choose to loose weight because I LOVE myself, rather than because I HATE myself for being fat. Blessings to you, and to all of us as we learn and grow along this incredible journey!

onedayillbamilf

Nice post.

Also, I'm glad your boyfriend is ok.

onedayillbamilf

Nicely written. I've struggled with my weight my whole adult life. While I'm not yet at goal, gaining the weight really put things in perspective for me. Because I've been at my current weight before, and back then, I couldn't see beautiful. I saw fat. I saw ugly. I saw blob.

I can see sexy now. I can see beautiful.

You ARE beautiful!

KarmaxKitty

I love this post... It's nice to see someone who's seen both sides. And it makes me feel so good. Gaining weight has made me take a good hard look at myself. At my lowest weight, I was out of shape but SO MUCH BETTER than what I percieved myself as. All because of the "skinny" people who thought it was okay to enforce the unspoken "fat people are evil" rule an anyone above average weight. I look at photos of myself back then, and wish I could go back and love myself. Since losing a lot of weight, people HAVE been nicer. It's extremely depressing to compare peoples reactions to your own body... It's not fair that people poke and prod at a person that way. And I vow to never do the same.

tboothgenthe

Great post. Kids act different as well - it's not just adults. I have 3 thin and 1 thick child. The older ones are already trying to watch the intake of my youngest who LOVES food and is a bit heavy but not overweight. We as parents are watching her now and starting to work on her choices but I never want her to feel bad about who she is because of her pant size (really she's 4 in a size 5 we're not taking crazy obese here). She's only 4! My oldest (twins) are just thin rails by nature and I have warned them that if they say anything to her they'll have me to answer to (this was after one used the word fat).

Anyway - I guess my point is that it starts younger then I ever thought it would.

Good luck on your journey regardless of your weight.

USCEE77

I don't envy skinny men or women, because many of them are not healthy. It amazes me how many girls smoke cigarettes to curtail their appetite. One of these days I'm going to walk up to a girl and tell her how much weight she can expect to lose when she's going through chemotherapy. Teach your daughter what a healthy diet looks like, keep her away from McDonalds, exercise together, and get her into sports. She will grow up healthy and fit, and she will be the envy at her high school prom ;-) Oh yeah, she will also thank you later in life!