I think I've subconsciously given up.

iFeelBrandNew

& I'm not sure what to do now. I've lost all motivation. These last 15 I just keep putting off. (It used to be last 7).
I make excuses. I stuff my face. I'll get back into the swing of things and as soon as I can tell results are coming in I say... "that slice of cheesecake and half a box of girl scout cookies won't hurt. I've been doing so good." But they do. It sends me into a downward spiral that lasts for up to a week. Or until my boyfriend says something to me about it. Which I appreciate.

Half of me feels like I'm crying out for attention. The other half is telling that half that its a big fat baby.

I don't need people to tell me I dont need to lose any more weight. "you look great! don't get too thin you'll look like a bobble head!" That makes me comfortable. I don't progress when I'm comfortable.

Sad thing is, when I lose motivation in one thing, I lose it in all things. House becomes dirty, workload backs up, etc.

I've also realized that I tend to rely on others to make me happy. This is also not healthy. I'm guessing this fits right on in with the mental transformation that comes along with the physical. I've lost about 65 pounds. My confidence is up... sometimes.

Not sure where all of this randomness is coming from. Maybe I'm expecting others to be going through the same thing. Maybe I need advice... anywho... thanks for hearing me out.

kittenmitton

Honey, you sound like you could really benefit from speaking to a therapist. I know sometimes it might be embarrassing to talk to someone about an eating disorder, but it will really help you to pinpoint your triggers and come up with more appropriate things to do when you've lost motivation than eat.

One thing I have to ask: when you're dieting are you limiting yourself from eating things like cookies or cheesecake? Those things are perfectly fine to incorporate into your diet. If you like those foods and you find yourself craving them once in a while, don't deny those cravings, otherwise you may start to crave them more and more until one day, you binge, feel guilty, and then start eating healthfully again. This is a very common theme among binge eaters. I used to do it too. I really really like pretzels and whenever I denied myself some, I would binge on them once a month or so. Now that I've realized I need to take control of my food and not let food control me, I realize that yes, I can eat pretzels while I'm on a diet. As a matter of fact, I had some pretzels earlier today. I realize that not everyone can just wake up and say "screw you, food, I call the shots now" like I did, which is why I strongly suggest you speak to a professional about your binging. Even I am just starting treatment because I know that while I can start this on my own, I know I'm going to be tempted to slip up and I want to have someone I can talk to who understands eating disorders who can help me in my journey to overcome it.

iFeelBrandNew

Sounds to me like you're right. Just googled it and it hit spot on. Shame...
But thank you. You've pointed me in the right direction.