Advice needed please!

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stringqueen16
stringqueen16 Posts: 44
in Motivation and Support
Hello all - I am 22, about 100 pounds overweight...but 11 pounds less overweight since I started mfp!!! Being this overweight, I am sensitive to everyone else who is too, and especially to a very good friend of mine. She is very overweight, to a point of which it is really dragging her health down the drain, and she is only 24 years old. I'm trying to be supportive and motivate her to start mfp or to just come exercise with me every once in a while, but she is adamantly against it! I don't know what to do, because I don't want to be pushy and upset her or hurt her feelings, but I also don't want to stand around and watch her kill herself. She's a good person and deserves to be in good health, and I'm afraid her wake-up call is going to come too late. Thanks for your advice!

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  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I feel the same way about a couple of people. The problem is, every person has to decide to become healthy for themselves. All you can do is:
    1. Be a good roll model in your food and activity choices
    2. Tell them about what you're doing and offer to help them get started if they ever want to try
    3. Tell them once that you're worried about them. If you harp too much, you may lose their friendship. But, you owe it to both of you to make your feelings known.

    You're right - it's definitely hard to watch someone you care about continue on an unhealthy path when you've found something that works for you. Good luck!
  • Aerohead21
    Aerohead21 Posts: 333 Member
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    As much as it isn't what you want for your friend think about how you would feel if the tables were turned and she kept after you. The unfortunate truth is you can't make someone ready. You can, however, continue to support her and lead by example. Hopefully your successes will inspire her :) In the meantime, don't push too hard or you will push her away.
  • dsmonteith
    dsmonteith Posts: 65
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    I have to agree. You can be her motivation to get healthy again! Let her see your progress and she very well may want to follow suit.
  • stringqueen16
    stringqueen16 Posts: 44
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    Thanks everyone so much! I really appreciate your feedback.
  • Sarahmeridith
    Sarahmeridith Posts: 298 Member
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    I feel the same way about my husband, but he is starting to get curious about what Im doing so I take that as a small step in the right direction. your resullts will hopfully motivate her also I would try extra hard to make sure you dont vent at all to her that this is hard work because you dont want to scare her off!
  • glass2diamonds
    glass2diamonds Posts: 43
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    My husband is like this...I dont try to push him. He sees how much better I am getting and feeling about life in general. And has started his own weight loss journey. When we met 4 years ago he was almost a 50 in waist. In the last year and a half he is down to a 46in waist. And is now seeing why he is feeling so badly and tired and unmotivated, it was due to his weight. he was 375 when we met he is now at about 330.

    You have to let her come around in her own time. let her see how good you are doing..If she is not ready to make the change you can not make her change.
  • babybossy
    babybossy Posts: 8 Member
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    I understand completely. My hubby has struggled with his weight most of his life. He has been off and on diets many times. When he has been in a place where he didn't want to address his weight, my bringing it up only aggravated him and pushed him further away from wanting to do anything about it. So I finally backed off. He has been mostly active now for the past year in working on his weight and has lost about 40 lbs. It's not as much as he had wanted to lose but he's not giving up. That's a huge change for him. In the past he would lose a bunch, get tired of it and quit. Gain all or more back. Get disgusted and lose a bunch again. He is committed now for the long haul with the gentle encouragement (not scolding) of his doctor. All that to say...it HAS to be your friend's decision and commitment. No one can do that for her. And different plans work for different people. She has to find what works for her, when she's ready. Until then, lover her unconditionally and don't ever let her feel like you are judging her (not that you are, I know you are truly concerned). She may feel some conviction from your efforts at first but in the long run, it may motivate her. :flowerforyou:

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