How do you get over the death

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ivykivy
ivykivy Posts: 2,970 Member
in Motivation and Support
of someone you previously loved. I didn't think it would effect me this way. Maybe it's just partial PMS. I guess time will heal all wounds. But I will NOT succomb to eating the PAIN away.

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  • ivykivy
    ivykivy Posts: 2,970 Member
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    of someone you previously loved. I didn't think it would effect me this way. Maybe it's just partial PMS. I guess time will heal all wounds. But I will NOT succomb to eating the PAIN away.
  • Frost
    Frost Posts: 312 Member
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    So sorry. It's really tough. I'm struggling with depression over my Mom's passing. It takes time. Talking really helps.
  • tammietifanie
    tammietifanie Posts: 1,496 Member
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    of someone you previously loved. I didn't think it would effect me this way. Maybe it's just partial PMS. I guess time will heal all wounds. But I will NOT succomb to eating the PAIN away.

    You never get over the death of someone you love but you realize that they are still around it's just you can't see them.. I lost my father when i was 16 and every day i cry because i miss him.. But knowing he is still watching over me and our family keeps me going! It's hard to realize they are no longer with us but at the same time they are! If you ever get a sense there's someone watching you it's our angels watching us! I hope your wounds heal soon! but never forget they are still with you!
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I lost my father when i was 16 and every day i cry because i miss him

    ((hugs)):flowerforyou:
  • angelinaz
    angelinaz Posts: 262
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    No one gets over it. You feel the pain and grieve and know that you will be okay in the long run. I haven't lost a "love" yet I did love two of the "loves of my life", both my mom and dad. Losing my dad was tough but I was a little girl. Losing my mom was devastating and I could barely function the first year. I went down to 113 lbs. My regular weight is 129 ish. Pain of that nature is intense yet day by day I did feel it a little less. It just was really crazy making for me, realizing the "vessel" who brought me into this life and cherished me was no more.

    My parents are now part of my angel team. I call them all by name and ask for their blessings and help whenever I need. My belief is that they truly are always with me. :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • ladyofivy
    ladyofivy Posts: 648
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    of someone you previously loved. I didn't think it would effect me this way. Maybe it's just partial PMS. I guess time will heal all wounds. But I will NOT succomb to eating the PAIN away.

    By previously loved, do you mean that you loved them and then fell out of love, or are you just using the word "loved" in a past tense because the person has died?

    Either way, I'm so, so sorry. (((HUGS)))

    My brother was killed in a hideous automobile accident only 3 months ago. He was my only living sibling at the time. Now I feel like I have nobody. :sad: I mean, I have my husband and kids, but going from having a sibling to being an only child is... an experience that I can't explain. :brokenheart:

    I also lost a daughter in 2003. Death is so tragic to the living. And we can't "get over it". It's so awful that we simply must keep on suriviving... one day at a time. Sometimes even one breath at a time. I'm not Christian, so I can't speak on how that may comfort you, but if you take peace in your beliefs, then surround yourself with those thoughts and feelings. If you have other loved ones, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and to wrap yourself up in their love.

    If it's a few months out from the death, you may have noticed that others aren't coming around as much anymore, and as painful as that is, it's normal. They want you to be okay now, because they love you. But it's SO OKAY for you not to be okay yet. Grief affects us all so differently.

    The best advice I have is to just let yourself do whatever feels "right" in the moment. If it's looking at zillions of pictures, do that. If it's throwing yourself into your work, do that. If it's sitting on your bedroom floor sobbing, then do that.

    Whatever it is, it's right for you.

    I miss my brother terribly. Sometimes I do all of those things. Sometimes I reach out a little bit and ask for help, but sometimes I don't get what I expected. Like I said, people just want you to feel better, and are afraid of "reminding" you or "making you" cry.

    Please know that I am here to listen. PM me if you want, or friend me. I will always be here to listen. I've had too much *very personal* loss in my life, and I know about grief, though I probably don't know exactly what you're going through. :cry:

    I am here for you. (((HUGS)))
  • naugustyniak
    naugustyniak Posts: 836 Member
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    of someone you previously loved. I didn't think it would effect me this way. Maybe it's just partial PMS. I guess time will heal all wounds. But I will NOT succomb to eating the PAIN away.

    You said "previously loved". Are you talking about an ex or something? That is WAY different than someone like your spouse, child, parents, the feelings are different and the grieving is different.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    My dad died may 2004 and even almost 5 years there are still feelings of loss and a kind of pain that I cant explain

    time is making it better and remembering him in a positive way helps

    I think the pain of losing someone is natural and should be not really welcomed but accepted and the feelings of how unfair it all is get better

    I dont try to put the pain away when it comes,.,,,I let it in and think about him and hope he knows I love him
  • HealthierMamasita
    HealthierMamasita Posts: 1,126 Member
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    You don't get over a loved ones death.

    I lost my dad in 2002 and it still hurts my heart.
    The pain in your heart does lighten up a bit as time goes by.



    :flowerforyou:
  • HealthierMamasita
    HealthierMamasita Posts: 1,126 Member
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    I'm sorry for everyones loss... 4xvim2p.gif
  • Vanessa1969
    Vanessa1969 Posts: 144 Member
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    I would expect to feel a little confused and sad. No matter how the relationship/friendship ended, my heart would go out to their family and those that loved them. I would take some time to remember times that we had together that made me happy, have some good thoughts for their loved ones, and be thankful for all I have today.
    I hope this doesn't sound heartless, but I would also be thankful that their death was not something that I had to deal with in a more intimate way, like you would someone that you currently love and were currently close to.
    If you have a good relationship with their family, maybe giving them a call could help you grieve. If you would prefer not to, you could send a card.
    It is still hard, even if they aren't in your life anymore. I'm sorry.
  • ivykivy
    ivykivy Posts: 2,970 Member
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    Thank you all for the comfort. It was an male friend that was not so close anymore but he was really a good guy. As a young girl dating and going through shady characters you tend to remember those that truly respected you.

    And it sounds so trifling knowing others have lost people much closer. I am sorry for all of your losses.

    I guess with the anniversary of my aunt's death just passed and my dad's cancer it has just been to much for me.

    I did send a condolence to the family. But I guess the feelings were -they were things that should have been said to him but I didn't get to say them. I guess at 35 I'm finally learning people you love die so you gotta tell them you love them:flowerforyou:

    :flowerforyou:
  • AHealthierSuzyQ
    AHealthierSuzyQ Posts: 702
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    My father died unexpectedly in Nov of '06 and my Mother 16 months later in Feb of '08 so I know a little bit about how this feels.

    What I've learned about missing them is that you never really get to the point where you are "over them." You just learn to make peace with the places where joy and sorrow meet. Give yourself permission to grieve your loss. Find someone who will listen as you remember. Allow yourself whole days of doing nothing. One day you will wake up and realize thoughts of them make you smile more often than cry. That is as "over them" as you ever get.

    A great website that might help you process your grief is www.griefshare.org.

    Hugs, Susan

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