what's fair? financial dispute, opinions wanted...

NicolePatriot

I say pick up the phone and explain this to her...sounds like there's a communication issue. That can happen through email/texting. A lot of the conversation can be misunderstood. I would offer the deposit, and that's it. A few people are asking what the friendship is worth to you..but what is the friendship worth to her? If she's asking you to pay half for another friend of hers to go...that is completely ridiculous. She should find a friend that can afford to pay the whole amount, not just half. That's just my 2 cents. Good luck! Money+friendships don't usually go together well

MyaPapaya75

If you knew on the third you wouldnt be going to the conference for work you should have taken the days off for the trip by then....and your boss wouldnt really be able to make you attend if you previously had those days off ....I personally think you do owe her the money ...the intention was for you to go Im sure you spoke with her about the trip up until the day before the payment was due..I dont think your friend was wrong to pay ..surely she wasnt going to wait until the deadline date to reserve the spot for you both..and you clearly hadnt paid her anything yet...even if she said dont worry about it..perhaps you should have just paid her from the start because you knew what was due...come on who waits till the deadline?? She paid because she could afford it and wanted to go and wanted to ensure you were going with her .....270 bucks we could spend at Mickey Ds for a year ...pay her and end the drama.....in addition it doesnt matter when she paid because you "agreed" you were going.

mixedfeelings

There are so many different responses and it's quite hard to know when just having the facts from one person but what I can make out is she was always aware that there was a work commitment that you wouldn't be able to get out of if your boss said you had to attend, so you would have been unable to book days off also. You confirmed with her on the third of January that you would be able to attend and then made enquiries about paying the money, with her not making out that she was paying for either of you just that there was still time to pay? Even though you pulled out the day before the deadline you were not aware any money had been paid at this point? or at least just the deposit?

If this is the case I would think paying just for the deposit is fair enough, I'm even cynical about that, as you say she paid the deposit for both people two days before you confirmed? Maybe she had always had two people in mind or knew that she would only go if she could get someone else to go with her, you pulled out and now the other person is saying she can't afford, she might be worried that she'll end up with nobody to go with and is trying to make you pay the difference as she doesn't want the extra charges.

As many other people have said how much of a friend is she? Is she worth losing? If she's a close friend I'm sure you would be able to talk it out and come to some conclusion. Keep any proof you have in case it gets nasty.

kaits108

Why is she letting another friend go who can't afford it? Can't she find someone else to go who can afford it? Then there's no money lost. I would be annoyed if I was paying 1/2 for someone else to go on the trip. If someones going in your place, they should pay, and it's between her and that friend to work out payment.

OTHERWISE, if she can't find anyone else to go, then personally I'd pay her because she would be out that money that she put down for you. And like others said, it all comes down to how important your friendship is. Fight her on it if you don't mind losing the friendship, but if she's important to you, then I think you should repay her if she can't find anyone else to go.

kelseyhere

First off, thank you to everyone who has replied. Everyone makes some great points. In situations like this I think it's important to bounce your thoughts off someone else, because sometimes you have your blinders on and don't realize.

Why is she letting another friend go who can't afford it? Can't she find someone else to go who can afford it? Then there's no money lost. I would be annoyed if I was paying 1/2 for someone else to go on the trip. If someones going in your place, they should pay, and it's between her and that friend to work out payment.

OTHERWISE, if she can't find anyone else to go, then personally I'd pay her because she would be out that money that she put down for you. And like others said, it all comes down to how important your friendship is. Fight her on it if you don't mind losing the friendship, but if she's important to you, then I think you should repay her if she can't find anyone else to go.

This is pretty much spot on with what I was thinking, you just articulated it better. She did find someone else to go, so why is it my problem that they can only afford half? She was going to make me pay the full amount, if I could only have paid half, it's not like she would have asked this person to pick up the rest of *my* tab. If I told her back in December that I could have only paid half, she probably would have just looked for someone else. I agree that they should work it out between the two of them.

I say pick up the phone and explain this to her...sounds like there's a communication issue. That can happen through email/texting. A lot of the conversation can be misunderstood. I would offer the deposit, and that's it. A few people are asking what the friendship is worth to you..but what is the friendship worth to her? If she's asking you to pay half for another friend of hers to go...that is completely ridiculous. She should find a friend that can afford to pay the whole amount, not just half. That's just my 2 cents. Good luck! Money+friendships don't usually go together well

I also really like the point made here ^. Many asked if our friendship is worth the money, but I think someone needs to ask her that question as well. I totally get why she thinks I'm not holding up my end of the deal, but she needs to understand how much money she's really asking for and why it's a financial burden.

And as far as "taking time off work" I agree that it is responsible, but my job doesn't work that way. Sometimes we are asked to travel with less than a week in advance, and you just have to go. If I don't, I lose my job. So unfortuantely that is not an option. I told my boss about the ski trip, and he said "too bad, I can't help you."

I think there is a lesson here to be learned for both of us. I am a control freak with money also like many of you have said, and would have much preferred to just deal with the trip organizer myself. But trying not be too uptight about this one, and not wanting to step on her toes since her work was organizing, I let her handle it. Now I've realized, I shouldn't have done that and made 100% sure at every step I knew what was going on financially. She should learn that it's not her job to pay for other people, and that if she wants to front the money from someone else, she needs 100% confirmation in writing that they will pay her back before she goes ahead with it. Otherwise she can't hold people responsible for payments she made in their place without their knowledge.

I'm going to stand my ground, pay the $100, and if she doesn't want to accept it than I guess the friendship will end. I feel really bad about the whole thing and don't want it to be that way, but I feel strongly that because she found a replacement, the burden is now on them, and not me.

Thanks again everyone for your help and good wishes. Hope everyone is having a happy Friday.

ItsCasey

First off, thank you to everyone who has replied. Everyone makes some great points. In situations like this I think it's important to .

And as far as "taking time off work" I agree that it is responsible, but my job doesn't work that way. Sometimes we are asked to travel with less than a week in advance, and you just have to go. If I don't, I lose my job. So unfortuantely that is not an option. I told my boss about the ski trip, and he said "too bad, I can't help you."

Totally agree with you here. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a job that is so inconsequential that they can say "Get someone else to do it. I'm going skiing."

I think there is a lesson here to be learned for both of us. I am a control freak with money also like many of you have said, and would have much preferred to just deal with the trip organizer myself. But trying not be too uptight about this one, and not wanting to step on her toes since her work was organizing, I let her handle it. Now I've realized, I shouldn't have done that and made 100% sure at every step I knew what was going on financially. She should learn that it's not her job to pay for other people, and that if she wants to front the money from someone else, she needs 100% confirmation in writing that they will pay her back before she goes ahead with it. Otherwise she can't hold people responsible for payments she made in their place without their knowledge.

And I definitely think you are right on this point, as well. You cannot spend other people's money without getting their permission first. You just can't. And that's what she was doing. That is her fault, not yours.