Bingeing and Purging

jnhu72

Does anyone else here deal with bingeing and purging? I overeat due to a childhood of sexual abuse. I ate my feelings so I didn't have to think about what was happening. My abuser would give me food to stop the pain. Up until this year I did not purge after binges but unfortunately it is becoming more and more common. How are you dealing with it? If you have over come this, what did you do? I know I need to talk to some but I can't do it at the moment. I never even told any one about the abuse until last year and when I did I attempted suicide so I know right now is the time to talk with someone.

emilybeatrice1

iv never dealt with this but i just wanted to tell you that you have some support here on MFP!! Good luck to you, and i will be rooting for you.

Nopedotjpeg

I don't purge, but I binge. I've only become aware of it in the past few years, but I've been obese all of my life, and I do recall it happening when I was younger. No big life trauma caused it for me. Just a lot of perpetual anxiety and self-esteem issues that I'm trying to work through now. Talking to a professional is almost always helpful. It can be uncomfortable and unnerving at first, but it will only help in the long run.

hollin40

I am so sorry you are going through this. So sorry for the pain of your past. I wish I could give you a big hug.

anyonebutmehaha

((hugs)) i am very sorry for what happened to you as an innocent child.
i highly suggest professional help- there are org.'s and groups that will help you no cost- seek them out. you need more help (through NO fault of your own) than strangers over internet are capable of providing for you. you know you are not in a good place and becoming more enmeshed in destructive behavior- use that self awareness to drive yourself to get real help, k?

Elizabeth_C34

Hey hon. I am so sorry this happened to you!

Bulemia is a very serious psychological condition. I think you are best seeking professional therapy for this and working through your mental reasons rather than focusing on the symptoms (the binging and purging).

There's no shame in asking for the help you need.

I wish you nothing but the best.

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

Here's a group that you might be interested in, dear.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

CMmrsfloyd

There are also groups on here for people dealing with and trying to recover from eating disorders - might also be helpful for you:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/search?phrase=eating+disorder&order=0

Some of them seem to have a really good support base for recovery. I'm so sorry for the things you've endured in your life, it's great that you are trying to find help. You might also consider seeking out professional one-on-one help if you haven't already. Good luck to you.

KLEALEE71

I am so sorry you had to go through that type of abuse. You are right you do need to talk with someone, but when you are ready to you will. Until then, I am glad you opened up. It takes a lot for a person to admit when they need help, it takes even more to accept help from others. I believe you can do it, don't give up, when we fail we just try again, but always believe in yourself. Stay strong

GeorgiaDaughter

I'm very sorry for what you've been through. I have a problem with this but have gotten a lot better. It's hard for me sometimes to eat one serving so I eat all I want then get rid of it. I'm proud to say I haven't done it in a while. Hearing my children outside my bathroom door saying mommy what's wrong did it for me. I don't know why I'm posting this because this has always been a secret of mine. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me. Good luck.

gleechick609

Hey hon. I am so sorry this happened to you!

Bulemia is a very serious psychological condition. I think you are best seeking professional therapy for this and working through your mental reasons rather than focusing on the symptoms (the binging and purging).

There's no shame in asking for the help you need.

I wish you nothing but the best.

This.

LemonDiva

What courage you have to own this abuse and write about the impact it is having...

You were wronged in so many ways... mistreated and left unprotected... childhood ruined

It doesn't mean you are mentally ill to speak to a counsellor
You really would benefit from speaking to one properly qualified, one who is trained to help you step back through your wounding and out into health... something you really deserve...

It is imperative you remind yourself again and again you did nothing wrong... the wrong was done to you...

Now you are Binging and purging
these habits are doing you harm...
The good news is they are habits... learned behaviours therefore they can be unlearned...

You need to respond from a place of personal strength. I and many here believe you can do this... imperfectly to start with but no beating your self up... enough already!
Step by step you can claim the healthier habits you deserve.

I suspect you are confusing the 'shame' of overeating with the 'shame' of abuse...
The shame associated with abuse is not your shame though your abuser wanted you to believe it was...

You have been abused for long enough... decide to change... because you deserve it x x

sincerely x x

dancin2011

I am in recovery from an eating disorder. I have had all eating disorders, including bulimia for many, many years. It was very extreme and I binged and purged all the time. I am happy to be out of that now, as I thought I would never be able to get better. Have you ever been in therapy?

jnhu72

I have not been to therapy I know I need to go but I just can't bring myself to do it at the moment. The weird thing is, If I eat healthy and within my calorie limits I don't want to puke but if I binge I do.

dancin2011

I have not been to therapy I know I need to go but I just can't bring myself to do it at the moment. The weird thing is, If I eat healthy and within my calorie limits I don't want to puke but if I binge I do.

Are you able to eat healthy and within your limits? If so, do you still have the urge to binge and purge when you eat 'normally' or do you restrict and then later have the urge to binge and purge?

LemonDiva

jnhu... so when you experience the 'guilt' after a binge you feel the urge to purge... it does sound as if you are confusing the guilt you feel now with the torment of the past

Now you need to work out the trigger/s to the binge... gradually wind things back... re think and use a rewind and slow mo on the minutes before a binge breaks out....

You can do his hon... you already take control... between binges

Once you identify the triggers you are on the way to scoping the behaviours and internal dissonance... the scuffle you have within yourself , the physical waves that come over you... perhaps you feel nauseated and are trying to press it down smother it...

Yes you need courage to talk these things through... i know you have it but you have to discover it within yourself... brave girl

kritterxx

Hello First of all, you are so brave, and I'm so sorry for everything that you've been through, no one deserves that.

Second, I am a diagnosed bulimic. I have been through the recovery process (although it failed; as I didn't truly understand it), and I think ink order for you to overcome this, you need to do the same.
Purging in this case, is a result of the binging, so the first step is stopping the binges. People binge for all kinds of reasons, and you've already stated yours. It will be painful, but you have to address the root of the problem. Recovery also relies a lot on self acceptance - we're all human, we all binge. Everyone has one of those days, it's just some people react to it differently than others. We have to go "it's fine, it's happened, and tomorrow's a new day, so I'm going to put myself to bed now, and just be calm about it', or whatever remedy works for you - for me, sleep solves a lot, and keeps bad things at bay.
Binging can happen out of habit - if your abuser would give you food, that's what you're used to. I think one big thing about MFP is just how many people are here to absolutely change their lives, and that's what it's going to take - a huge break from routine, and what is 'normal' for you.
I think one of the best things for you to do, is to just figure out why you binge, what brings the urges on, and how you can successfully combat them. For me, I have to get myself out of the house - if I feel a binge coming on, I don't want to take any chances. I go for a walk, sometimes shopping (though this is a more expensive form of therapy haha!), head to the gym, or find something to keep me really busy. Playing an online game, knitting, or calling a friend up - keep your hands and mind busy. Writing down feelings in a journal, diary, or blog, can help figure out what emotions or instances trigger binges. Once you put your finger on it, you'll be able to see the cause, and figure out a solution.

I wish you all the best! If you ever need anyone, myself, and I'm sure any of the MFP community, are here to support you in any way possible

firedragon064

For start, write a daily journal to express how you feel.
Write daily even just one line at a time. I used to suppress my pain, ignore my problem,
write down everything I feel every day , does help me a lot.

kryptonitekelly

Oh sorry to hear about your childhood lovely.

Well, I used to binge and purge. Not frequently. But I did do it a few times.
I just sat and realised that it was wrong. It kinda just clicked.

I guess the only way to do it is to keep trying. And even if you fail, don't beat your self up about it. Just keep trying. One day you'll get there x

Leo_Joy_HG

Hi there, I'm sorry this is happening to you.

I have struggled with bulimia for the last few years too, but now i am in recovery.

In my experience, the most beneficial thing was to tell people. It's a big step and it's very scary but it's very freeing. The fact that you've posted this means you've recognised something needs to change. Well done you!
Stopped the cycle is a long process, i got professional help, stopped for a month or so them started again. You can't recover untill you really really want to. I am recovering now that's to moving house, changing job and having a very supportive boyfriend.

Start finding reasons to stop binging and purging and think of them often. Keep pushing, keep your head up and find support. Good luck x

LemonDiva

What a stunningly inspirational group of people you are ...wonderful ... you are all truly wonderful ,honest, courageous over-comers x x