Daughters Wedding, I need to vent a bit...sorry

BillyC96

Is this the first time your SIL's mother is flakey or have there been other occasions where she's done something similar to this?

Not sure, but future SIL has noticed the difference in how the grandkids are treated. His kids are great, and real cuties! During the wedding planning sessions they hang out with me in my man cave. I set up a game for them on the computer, and print off colouring pages for them to do. I also give them contraband candy, but got busted last time!:blushing:

TriedEverything

It certainly sounds like very strange behaviour from your future son-in-law's Mum :huh: I can understand you feeling puzzled and frustrated. Like you, I cannot imagine anything keeping me from my son or daughter's wedding (I have 2 teenagers, & we haven't got to that stage yet!).

I'm not sure there's a lot you can do about it (hopefully she may still decide to go) but I think it's lovely that you have shown such care & concern for your soon-to-be son-in-law & step children. You are obviously a very loving person I'm sure your daughter & her new family will really appreciate your support, now & in the future.

Hope you all have a lovely day, whether the groom's Mum turns up or not - try not to let it spoil things (although I know that's easier said than done)

All the Best :flowerforyou:

ninerbuff

My daughter is getting married in a week...eeeek

Well that is the fabulous bit, the bit I need to vent about is less fabulous and kind of makes me feel crappy for feeling like it, so I want to vent here, feel free to tell me how horrible I am.....

My soon to be Son-in-Law is a super lovely guy, really a gem and I am very glad that my Daughter has found him, she has been through a lot and she deserves a prince and she seems to have found one. He has been in a relationship before, and has two little children, their Mum left them with him and went off with another guy who she thought had money, turns out he didn't...but that is another tale, she and future son in law now share the care of the children.

The issue I have is with his Mum, who I feel has not treated him fairly, she has two children, a daughter and him, and her daughter is married with a son, who gets DOTED on by grandparents, they see a lot of him, have him to stay, buy him things, take him to places etc. They do not so this with the other two grandchildren, which I do not understand, they are lovely children and we are very fond of them, they are a similar age to the daughters child, who is 7, and they are 5 and 3, so its not an age thing, they don't get taken out, they don't get the same attention at all. Now for my main complaint and the thing that I will get slated for...

The Mother of the groom has not got an outfit for the Wedding, has not helped with the preparation for the Wedding, although in their defence they are paying for the photographer as the present, which is £500 so that is a good help.I am also aware that she might feel as Mother of the Groom that she needs to not be involved. But now she has had a health scare, she went to the Dr and she is being sent for a scan at the Hospital on Monday, I don't think it will be great news as her blood test result was abnormal, but she is saying she is NOT coming to the Wedding,....I don't understand this, hell or high water would not keep me from my son or daughters Wedding, she is not horribly sick, as in needing to be in bed, she has not yet been given a diagnosis and even if she does, surely she would want to attend the Wedding of her only son? I think the fact that she still has not brought an outfit and there is less than a week to go speaks volumes about how she feels, considering she didn't go to the Dr until this week, its not that she knew in advance about the scan etc.

Or am I being Mother of the Bridezilla......

What do you think, I am so upset for my Son in Law to be, as he obviously wants his Mum there, and is worried for him. I just can't understand her at all....any thoughts

People want weddings to be perfect. Many times they won't be. This is one of those times. All you can do is just contribute your part to it and do what it takes to your ability.


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Lauren8239

Are you sure she's being honest about these tests and such? I ask because the fact that she hasn't even bought an outfit sent up a red flag for me that she never had any intention of going to the wedding in the first place.

capaxinfiniti

A big red flag for me was the fact that she hadn't even bothered to get an outfit, it sounded as if to me that she obviously either wasn't going to attend, or was already planning all of this. If she is really sick I understand, but these are just too many coincidences.

Just do your best to still be a good MIL to the guy your daughter is going to marry, don't bring it up or criticize it, he probably is aware and just as upset as you are about this. Just be there in support for him, let him deal with his mother when the time comes.

edit: If she is going through all of this JUST to not attend the wedding, and not because she really has a serious medical condition that is restricting her, I personally think that it'll just be her loss. She'll ultimately regret it in the end.

lissamok

She's a horrible drama queen who would even make Jesus vomit with rage.

LOVE this! I agree. It's a tough situation and you are a wonderful person to be so concerned for him. I hope you were able to mitigate some of the frustration through venting. Hey, just know that you'll be mom and grandmother enough for her and you!

godroxmysox

my mouth literally dropped open when i read this....i cannot imagine missing my child's wedding!

Skeemer118

Here's the bottom line sweetie:

People do what they want to do.

If she truly wanted to be there, she would be. She would be rolled down the aisle on a hospital bed or in a wheelchair. Some people just don't care. As the others have said, until your son in law asks for input, I wouldn't give any. Congrats to your daughter, enjoy her big day the best you can & continue to support them.

Florawanda

Like everyone else, all you can do is to be there for your daughter and sil... it sounds as though you are giving them a wonderful day... and you and all your family just have a great day, too.
Weddings are a time for the coming together of two people, making a commitment for the rest of their lives, sharing it with their friends and family... if, for whatever reasons, she feels she does not want to be part of it, there is little you can do about it, but involve her in some way, sending her some of the cake, photos, and a copy of the video.
And your sil's children will be your grandchildren as much as any your daughter has, so don't get drawn into comparisons with what she does or doesn't do for them. It is your relationship with them that counts.

mjbrenner

Your daughter is very lucky to have a mother who cares so much not only for her, but also for her husband-to-be. Your constant, loving support will get them through this difficult time. Bless you for being such a wonderful mother and mother-in-law.

Hellbent_Heidi

So sorry you're dealing with this, and as my mother was dubbed "MomZilla" during our planning, I feel qualified to say NO..you're not overreacting here at all.

I got married in 2009, and had a ton of medical drama just before. My father had double bypass surgery 5 weeks before my wedding day and my best friend since kindergarden (who was supposed to be my maid of honor) had a brain tumor and had BRAIN SURGERY just two weeks before, and guess what? They both still came.....and those both trump an 'abnormal blood test' any day of the week. My dad walked my down the aisle (slowly) and my friend came for dinner and left just after, but there isn't anything in the world that would have kept them from it.

I hope his mom comes around and realizes what a selfish thing she's doing before its too late (maybe someone in his family can pull her aside for a reality check!). Keep on being the awesome and supportive mother-in-law that he's lucky to have, and good luck with your daughters wedding. I hope they're able to enjoy a beautiful day regardless of who chooses to be there.

Dencrossgirl

Don't stress about it, you can't change anything or do anything except love those little kids as a grandma should

jak111

This is indeed very unfortunate! I'm glad you felt you could vent and get feedback! My MIL threatened not to come to our wedding too. I just told her calmly "that is your choice and it is unfortunate as you will miss a very important day in our lives and many more happy times to come." In the end, she came, but she too dotes on all her other grandchildren and ignores our children as well.

My parents more than make up for my MILs short comings. So I too say be the very best MIL you can be to your son in law and your "new" grandchildren. They will appreciate you very much!

Have a great time at the wedding and congrats on the weight loss!

Julie

karenjoy

Thank you all for your feedback and comments, I DID feel better just writing it down, and thought that as its a Wedding, and my baby girls Wedding at that, I might be over reacting, I tried to explain to my Husband, he has posted on this thread by the way, and he didn't undestand what I was getting at when I said that the important thing to me was the lack of an outfit even BEFORE this health issue arose, as for me, buying the outfit was really the only thing I had to do for ME, the other things I am doing is for the Wedding and for my Daughter and Son in Law to give them a lovely day on a small budget, to make it personal and also part of our gift to them. I felt that the lack of the outfit was significant, as a Woman, it seemed odd to me that she had not got one, and then this health thing happened, and I do think she HAS got something wrong, I don't think she is making it up bless her, I just feel that it seems to be not a good enough reason to not attend her only boys Wedding. But I am going, I am so thrilled to be part of it, that maybe I can't see how anyone wouldn't be. I would NEVER say anything about this to my SIL as he is such a sweetie, and bless him has made my girl so happy I can't find a fault with him. I will be proud as punch to have him as my new Son and the new Grandbabies are just little blessings, they really are.

I just hope that in the end come the day, that she decides that she wants to attend, and shares the day with her boy.

My other daughter just arrived home, she is a Nurse, and has been working a shift in A&E (ER) where today she held the hand of a lady as she died, this puts it all into perspective really.

Bless you all for your thoughts and the kind words, I am happy and excited for my Daughter, my SIL2B and my soon to be grandbabies. It will be a joy filled day no matter what xXx

dlyeates

My sister went through almost the same thing when she got married (no kids at that time though). The in-laws were not happy about the marriage and made things unbearable for my BIL and they even had a mediation with the minister....whose recommendation was for him to move out of his parent's house and move in with my parents a month before the wedding (he stayed in my old bedroom). His parents didn't pay for ANYTHING and even though they came they sat with their backs to the dance floor when they had their first dance. My parents were completely supportive and they realized they had to deal with it.

The story continues and I want to add it as a word of caution to you as you are being completely supportive of your daughter and soon to be SIL. My parents were totally supportive but after a while decided they wanted to try to rebuild the relationship with his parents because they knew they would have kids some day. My parents were completely UNSUPPORTIVE of this and told them they should cut his family out of their lives. They didn't want them visiting his family when they came into town and as their relationship got better they got meaner about his family.....making comments, putting them down, writing on the calendar how much time was spent with each family, etc. It got worse after the grandkids came and now my parents don't have a relationship with my sister or BIL or the kids. My dad calls the kids "collateral damage" in this situation. I worked for over 2 years trying to help them repair the relationship and my mom always wanted me to choose her side. I finally had to tell her for my health and sanity that I couldn't talk about it anymore and I wasn't going to be involved or take sides and I was going to have a relationship with both of them.

They will have to figure out how to handle the situation as they grow their lives together. You just be a support to them no matter what happens!!

Coco_Puff

His Mom can't stand that the whole world doesn't revolve around her, I would guess. Better that she not be there and try to take the focus off the Bride and Groom!!! Have a wonderful wedding and enjoy yourself!!!!!!

ajalcazar

Damn Skippy! Hell even if I am dead, exhume my body so I can be there at my kids' weddings. That is actually why I started MFP in the first place...so i CAN be there.