how to tell someone with good intentions to back off?

da_sammit

im 24 and recently my mother moved in with me because she lost her house. im in a rental apartment and im a student so i cant really afford to move out and move away.

well i have just come back from a 5day beach holiday to find that she has rearranged my whole house!! she packed up all my course paperwork, moved all my clothes around, moved my kitchen around and then broke my vaccum cleaner. i cant find a thing. she even went as far as to go into my pantry and fridge and fill it full of cake, donuts and chocolate. wheres my vegetables and lite milk?? IN THE BIN. i even had a bag of clothes to be donated and she has folded them and put them away in with my clothes, i dont know whats what anymore. she also thinks that she can fit her ENTIRE 4bdrm houses worth of furniture into my 2bdrm apartment!!!

i know she is going to be hurt, but how do i tell her diplomatically that she is living under my roof and these are my things??

clydethecat

sounds like you and your mom should sit down and write out a roommate agreement. discuss all your boundaries, what you expect from her, have her let you know what she expects.. since its your apartment, very graciously tell her you appreciate the sentiment but you like things the way you put them.

its all in how you couch it.. just be nice and firm and hopefully she'll agree to your boundaries..

da_sammit

sat her down and discussed with her quietly and calmly that what she did was very rude in my opinion and i know she was only trying to help me but i didnt need it. then i said that i was putting everything back the way i had it originally and that she should work out where i store my things, rather than trying to rearrange my life.

she got very upset and hasnt spoken to me since she went to work at 9am. her shift finished at 3, its now 6 and she still hasnt come back or called me. which means she now hates me (and will tell me) and im going to have to deal with a rain of abuse and how "im such a horrible person" and how she should just go and die..

meanwhile, im looking for a new apartment to move into with friends... i did tell her that my relationship with her would bottom out if she didnt find her own place, but i thought i was being a good daughter by letting her stay with me... alas, i dont see it that way anymore.

d3mon4ngel

That's such a shame to hear :frown: *hugs for you*

Hopefully your relationship will improve once you are no longer living together. I'm no expert, but having been through similar where my mum moved in with me for a few months, I think it's because some mums just don't realise that we are adults with our own likes and dislikes now. They move in thinking it will be like when we were children, or when we were teenagers in college. Does that make sense?

She may be thinking that you are just being like a stroppy teenager, but ask her how she would react if her mother came in and rearranged her life for her without her permission. You are an independent adult now, and she needs to realise it.

Hope you get things sorted out x

mrlazy1967

Grrrr... I hate that stuff, mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, keeps moving things so I can't find them, goes through my bin and asks why I'm throwing stuff away... grrr