I need some Mom advice

breezystreet

Ok guys..I'm in a pickle and I need some advice....So my daughter is a 1st grader and got invited to a little girl in her class' birthday party today. Her invitation says from 3-5 today. So last week when we got the invite, I called the mom to let her know that my daughter would be there She didn't answer so I just left a message....So the next day my daughter comes home and tells me its actually a slumber party but she could only invite 6 girls so my daughter wasnt invited....WELLL....theres only 8 girls in the class.....So I talked to another Mom and her invite sd slumber party......Then my daughter comes home yesterday and says the little girl told her that she'd talked to her mom and my daughter could stay........I just don't know what to do. Do I call the Mom? Do I just take her to the party and let her pack a bag and leave it in the car? DO I just not let her pack and come back and get her stuff if she's invited? My heart is just breaking if the others dont want her to spend the night.....and I'm MAD because #1 if you are going to send invites to school dont have them different so ALL of the kids know whats up........UGGGGGGG!!!! What do I do???????? (And I already tried to get her to do something else besides the party.....gave some GREAT ideas including going out of town....) We are fairly new to this town and still getting to know people and make friends....

mamagooskie

Phone the mom and find out exactly what is going on.

breezystreet

Even though I don't know Mom?

MissFit0101

Phone the mom and find out exactly what is going on.

^ this! and yes, even though you don't know mom!

rachelrae215

I'd say go for the times listed on your invite (find a way for you and your little girl to leave graciously) or don't go at all.

MegMilleratc

I agree, call the mom. That is a very frustrating situation. Hope everything works out for you and your daughter.

Airbear3

yes! call the mom...i find it hard to believe the mom would do such a thing..like excluding only 2 girls! if the birthday gilr didn't like her why give her an invite in the first place?it may just be a mistake....make the call!

cathie2903

You nee to phone the Mum and find out..even if you don't know her and probably, especially BECAUSE yu don't know her.....kids and their parties eh! My daughter comes home and tells me all sorts of different things her friends and their mums have said and I never know what to believe...so I speak to he woman in charge....Mum !

Good luck

macpatti

Call the mom or just go the times on your daughter's invitation. Even if she gets there and they decide she can stay (because someone else canceled), I'd have her leave at her original invite time.

breezystreet

Thanks so much for all of the replies!!! It's so great to know that we're not the only ones this is happening to!! I LOVE having a little girl, but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out!!!!

Jen2Bfit

Even though I don't know Mom?

I think yes, you should phone the mom evem if you don't know her. Number one it is the only way you will get a definite answer and two, you want to be able to know who it is exactly that you are sending your little girl to stay with for possibly the whole night. I am not good with meeting new people myself, so I do understand where you are hesitant to do so. But I also believe that sometimes I have to step forward and do these things because I want my kids to be safe and I have to own up and be responsible.

I do think it is kind of crappy though the way the invites were sent out, that would probably make me want to talk to mom even more to find out what is really going on. These things can be extremely heartbreaking to little kids, and sometimes I do not think that people think these things all the way through.

LuckyLeprechaun

I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.

thor1god1of1awesome

I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.

I agree.

Wendi_S

In my opinion 1st grade is too young to have a sleep over- especially if you don't know the parents. Call the mom and if she is invited let her go for a couple hours then pick her up- or better yet, just stay with her for a couple hours.

ShantiDey

Personally, I would never consider allowing my child to stay overnight in the home of someone I DON'T know. If I'm entrusting you with the health and safety of my family member, I'm going to know your name and as much about you as possible. Call the other mother and check her out first.

macpatti

I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.

There's no way my 9 year old is spending the night in a home where I do not know the family well, and I mean well.

Wendi_S

I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.

^^^THIS!!!!!

kristarablue

Well yes you should call the mom, especially if you don't know the mom. You don't want your daughter to stay some place in which you don't know the mother at all right. So I think you should call her one way or the other, just to have some kind of verbal contact and honestly a sleep over for 1st graders I am not so sure is appropriate anyway, but that could be the conservative part of me coming through. I think a couple hour party is fine, but a sleep over, I don't know, i would have to know the mom pretty well first.

juliecat1

yup, call the mom and get the low down. Since youre new in town, it probably isnt anything personal. I know I wouldnt really want my kid spending the night with someone I didnt know either. Nows your perfect chance to get to know the person your daughter is potentially staying over night with and maybe make a new friend.

lynheff

Since little girls are not always the best sources of information, I would call the mom and let her know that there is some confusion. If the other girls are staying and your daughter is going to have to leave, I would just decline the invite and tell your daughter we are doing something else. That would eliminate the awkward time when your daughter was expected to leave and the others weren't. When my four were home, I always talked to the other mom. Even when --or especially when!--they were teens. Hope that helps.

Jackdog89

I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.

I agree with you. I would be apprehensive about letting my own daughter stay over at someone's house that I don't know. Especially since they don't have the courtesy to return your phone call.

Wendi_S

I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.

There's no way my 9 year old is spending the night in a home where I do not know the family well, and I mean well.

I have three daughters- 8.5 yrs, 10yrs and 21yrs..... My 21yr old wasn't allowed to spend the night at a friends house until she was 14- Even if I knew the parents!!!! It's better to be safe than sorry!

_VoV

I don't want this to sound judgmental, and turn this thread into a rampage, so I'll phrase it very carefully.

Are you comfortable having your daughter stay over at a home where you don't know the mother well enough to place a phone call?

Perhaps sleepovers would be more suitable when you have met this family.

I totally agree with this^^.

BreakinTheChains

GIRLS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

apesid

I'd just send my daughter for the time said on the invite - there's NO way I'd let one of my kids stay overnight at someone's house I don't know. But, I'm kind of a paranoid mom

breezystreet

Lucky you are absolutely right!! That has gone over and over in my mind as well. Before we moved to this small town we were surrounded by families and my daughter went to tons of sleepovers and I never questioned it because I knew everyone. Now, we are in a town that, even thought I'm a teacher and we're trying to plant roots here, is very 'cliquisih'....I know I should take a more proactive approach and just start inviting kids over (which we are doing for her birthday next month) but I guess its just been so long since I've had to make new friends and stuff that I'm just struggling with it. And rest assured, I'm taking her to the party and going in....I am just stupid shy when meeting new people....So its probably more ME being nervous about this silly party than my little one!!

ladylu11

most definitely call the mom! I would just explain to my daughter that she could attend the party but she can't spend the night and tell her it's because YOU as her MOM do not want her staying somewhere with people YOU DO NOT KNOW!

Partyofpugs

Personally, I would never consider allowing my child to stay overnight in the home of someone I DON'T know. If I'm entrusting you with the health and safety of my family member, I'm going to know your name and as much about you as possible. Call the other mother and check her out first.

I agree with this. I always got to know my friends parents, even through high school! Kids are much more likely to not try to pull a fast one on you when they know you will pick up the phone and call (even strangers to you!). I did this mainly for safety, but found it was also a great way to form a casual relationship with other parents. Definitely call and clarify. Just let her know your daughter is telling you different things. Perhaps Mom put a limit on how many could spend the night for her own sanity. I know I would!

suztheq

Definitely call the mom and find out what is going on. It will be a good way to get to know her or even just feel her out. It is frustrating to hear that different people were given different information, though I do understand needing to have a limit on the number of people staying over. I always gave my niece a limit because there is only so many screaming girls I can handle at one time I do wonder about taking your daughter over and then having to leave -especially if she knows other girls are staying and she's not. Hopefully it all gets worked out. Fingers crossed for you and your daughter.

sjtreely

Even though I don't know Mom?

Yes. Especially since you don't know the mom.

BreakinTheChains

Thanks so much for all of the replies!!! It's so great to know that we're not the only ones this is happening to!! I LOVE having a little girl, but sometimes I just want to pull my hair out!!!!

My thoughts exactly ^^^^^^ .. I have an 8 yr. old almost 9 2nd. grader... I would also say phone the mom.. find out exactly whats happening.. my daughter gets stuff mixed up all the time