Workout Partner Trying my Patience... Unsure if I Should Get

daisydieter

a new workout partner.... or just learn to be more patient?

We agreed to 3 windows of time we'll work out every week. Without fail, and usually at the last minute she either cancels or, like today, is significantly late (today is 90 minutes and counting) when we were supposed to go. I know she is frustrated because it is often a member of her family who didn't communicate something which is making her late... but part of me is thinking she's not making our gym time a priority. Supposedly we both based our gym schedule on our kids and spouse's stuff... and we both added to the family calendar our 3x trip to gym. So in my house, if someone has a new thing come up, don't factor me in getting that new thing done. I will not cancel my gym time unless it is an emergency or it is Very, Very, Very Important.

And at the very least, when I called at 9:30 to confirm our agreed upon 10AM gym time... instead of telling me every 15 minutes you'll be there in 15 minutes, at that time, figure out how much time you need to do what you need to do so I can either decide to go to the gym solo or in that 90 minute delay do something from today's Must Do list NOW. Something on my list simply won't get done now and I'm sooooo annoyed.

Advice please.

sailinjen

do not rely on a partner. I know some people need someone else, but personally, I enjoy the time just for me. I go when I can and i have the peace I need. It sounds like you dont need a partner to make you go. Just do it and if she can join you great, but if not you will go regardless. Just tell her I am going at this time period, if you can go great, if not thats cool too!

daisydieter

do not rely on a partner. I know some people need someone else, but personally, I enjoy the time just for me. I go when I can and i have the peace I need. It sounds like you dont need a partner to make you go. Just do it and if she can join you great, but if not you will go regardless. Just tell her I am going at this time period, if you can go great, if not thats cool too!

I needed her to get me in the habit for sure. But after a couple of weeks, it is now a part of my routine. If she doesn't come with me, she doesn't go... and she is not only a friend but a friend who needs to workout. She just isn't obese like I am (or was, now just "overweight").... but she had a heart attack a couple of years ago.

Your advice is good... I just go ahead set the time and if she can go at that time, great... if she can't... and doesn't go and continues to be physically unwell... and have another heart attack... am I guilty of not being a good friend? Of not being more patient?

ryajak

GOOD FOR YOU FOR TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR OWN HEALTH AND WELL BEING. You should be proud of yourself!! It sounds like you are simply more motivated than your friend. No reason at all for you to have a guilty conscience. When she sees how good you look and how healthy your new choices are, she'll get motivated in her own time! Best of luck to you with your journey!

chameleon73

I've had basically the same problem...only my partner was my daughter and we live in the same house. At first she was motivated and doing it with me, then came the excuses. Now I do it on my own. It was hard, but I had to make a choice. Let someone else influence whether or not I get healthy, or take control and do it myself, for myself. I chose to do it anyway.

Now she comes along whenever she wants, but if she doesn't....she knows I'm not going to pressure her, or wait for her. It's not as if she can't see the difference exercise makes... I've dropped 18 pounds, 8 inches, and am gaining muscle definition, in the same amount of time that she's lost 8.

Unfortunately you can't make someone else make their health a priority (though I know we all wish it was that easy when it's a loved one or friend). I would just have a nice conversation with your friend where you keep the focus on you and your goals (ie. Getting healthy is really important to me, I'm really motivated and need to do this every day, every other day, etc. I love our time together when you come, but I need to get it done anyway, for me, if you can't).

One thing I've learned with my daughter is NOT to "remind" her why she needs to do this, too, or tell her she's making excuses, or procrastinating, or whatever. It just makes her defensive and even less interested in working out than she is already. And I don't ask anymore "Do you want to workout with me today?" because frankly, the excuses and rationalizing irritate me. Now what I say is "I'm going to get ready to workout now. I'll be leaving in about fifteen minutes. Your're welcome to join me, if you want.". Then when I'm done getting ready, she's either gotten ready to go too, or she's still sitting on the couch. If she's not going, I just smile and say "See you in an hour".

Bottom line, and it took me a little while not to feel kinda selfish about this, but at the end of the day, it's about ME. I have to live in this body I'm in, and I want that life to be a long one. Same goes for you. Don't let an unmotivated friend derail you from your goals. Trust me, I know it's easier said than done, but you can do it!!!

daisydieter

Thanks so much for the feedback and advice.... I truly appreciate it and will try it!