Why arent all close friends and family happy I'm dieting?
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Some people do seem to want to sabotage you without even consciously making the decision. I have a friend who did give me some advice at the beginning of my weight loss journey, but since then has not once commented on or "liked" any of my Facebook statuses about losing weight... but then I made some little creme brulees for Valentine's Day and she was all over "liking" and commenting about that. And it makes no sense at all because she's struggled with her weight ever since I've known her so I would have thought she'd be in my corner. I'm about to call her out on it.
Luckily, I have other friends and family that are very supportive and encouraging, and I'm doing this for myself more than anything, so I'll be just fine.
Hang in there, if it really gets to you, just call her out on it and see what she says.0 -
I started on MFP 30 days ago and have lost 10 of 40 lbs. so far. Every time I "start a diet" my wife says she supports me but then says "I never know what your doing with your food" when I start ignoring the bad foods in the house. Sometimes I want to just eat all the bad foods in one day to get them out of the house and say "There. Now let's go shopping!"
She has reason to be skeptical as I am a long time yo-yo dieter. But I just hit 60 and something clicked. I realized why did I go through all those years reaching retirement and then throw it all away by being in poor health? So know I want to live as long as possible and enjoy the time I have.
Friends and family (and starngers) say all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. I agree with those who say stay true to yourself, don't overtalk what you are doing (a big mistake I make) and your mum will be proud of you, even if she doesn't openly express it.
And now I am going to send you a friend request because I think we can help each other reach our goals!0 -
I have the same issue OP. Im not overweight but I really want to make a lifestyle change and lose weight for myself. I don't need a pat on the back everytime I accomplish something great with this, but some encouragement and support would be nice!0
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my family, or i should say the women i have to call my mother, has never supported anything ive done to date,
got a tattoo, im dirty looking
got my motorcycle licence, im stupid and going to kill myself
i got a tongue ring, im a slut
i took up pole dance fitness, im a stripper
dating a beautiful man who is in a wheelchair, im wasting my life
these are the things MY MOTHER has said to me. we no longer speak!!
now if i let all that she has said to be get to me, i would not be who i am nor do the things i love to do today.
Screw what other people think, do what you love and if they don't support you, just look in the mirror and remember, you have to be your biggest fan cause its your life, your body, and you have to live with you and be happy with yourself!!0 -
She isnt overweight herself but she has to be very strict with her diet to stay slim, I'm rally glad I found MFP because everybody on here is so great and supportive but am just disappointed as I am quite close to her... maybe she just needs to see that I am serious and WILL reach my goal weight!
If she's always been slimmer than you, that is a part of your relationship. It can be very threatening when someone changes an important part of a relationship. Give her time. Unless your reason for losing is to please her, her lack of enthusiasm shouldn't affect your weight loss goals as all, so give her time to adjust to the changes in your relationship.0 -
It can be very threatening when someone changes an important part of a relationship.
^^ This.
I know that I have been sabotaged along the way (my whole life) by people who love me, who are comforted by the way things are. When you change physically, they expect that you're changing in other ways too. (which, sometimes is a valid concern, but it shouldn't stop YOU from reaching your goals).0 -
I am new to dieting, only been seriously dieting since the new year and recently hit my first mini-goal of 21lbs. My mum has always been the first to go on about how big I am and that I need to lose weight. So naturally I assumed that she would be very pleased and supportive when I started dieting and seeing the results. However when I told her I had hit the 21lb mark all she had to say was oh ok, good.
Now I understand that life isn't all about me and that other people have things going on in their life but after all the negative remarks I received over the years I expected a bit more encouragement from her and thought she might be pleased?
Am I being naiive or has anybody else experienced anything similar with close friends and family?
Oh boy can I relate to this topic. Some of my family members are supportive and some are not. The ones who are not tell me crap all the time. Why are wearing clothes like that now? Your not eating very much..is that healthy? Why are trying to lose weight so much so you can find another man? (I am married). Don't you think you carried this long enough? Are you trying to become something your not? Crap Crap Crap is all I get! My mother in law whispers to my husband..you better stop her because she is losing so much weight and your going to lose your wife..(Mu husband is 10 years older than me) she thinks I am planning to leave him. Now he tells me I am fine just how I am (I am 30 lbs overweight). On the plus side my weight loss has encouraged my friends who are overweight to lose weight. One friend is already lost 100lbs. Another one is using MFP and losing alot too. So I guess its all good.0 -
Other than jealousy...
Lots of people don't stick at weight loss attempts, and quit and/or gain it back. maybe they don't beleive in you.
Also unrealistic shows like the Biggest Loser mean that losing 21lb isn't seen as the awesome acheivement that it is, and rather just ' oh, so you've lost half as much in 7 weeks that other people do in 1 week. that's not so special...'0 -
my mother inlaw is exactly the same!!! if i mention to her that i've lost x amount of weight this week all she says "oh right", like i'm lying!!! i speak to her on the phone fairly often but only saw her for the first time in 3 months, the other day, and MAN has she put on the weight!! so now i know where all the negitivity comes from! i no longer say anything to her about my weight loss as it brings me down. i only have time for positive ppl!!!0
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Who did you lose weight for?
There in itself lies the prob. You should feel acomplished enough that it doesnt matter.
If your expecting praise, you wont get it. This has to be about you, a change for you, and when your really in it... everyone else will see, feel, be motivated by it.
That's when the recognition comes. People don't see you leave the house everyday and come home sweaty for months on end. They don't experience the dedication you commit. That's not their view. Their view is when the change from within happens. And then you'll notice everyone wants to be near it.
Keep your head up, forget the praise. That cannot be the motivation.0 -
My family acknowledges my weghtloss, but I have one sister that won't say a word, needless to say she is the one that called me fatty my whole life...LOL Look at me now "B"! Is what I want to say, but I just keep dressing fly and looking good, she can't ignore that! Plus I love my self, so I don't really care what others think or say!0
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I encounter the same thing. Normally my mum will say something like "Yeah but it will all come back on, I dieted for years and it always came back". Therein lies her problem, she couldn't do it herself and therefore thought no-one else could!
You don't need to worry about how pleased or disappointed anyone else is in you. A wise guy on MFP told me once "The best way to prove them all wrong is results" which I totally agree with. Keep going, keep striving towards YOUR goal for YOU only. When you're at your final goal, whether people are pleased or not, you won't care coz you did it!
You need to be in this for you. It's your body and you're the only one that will be punished or rewarded at the end of your journey.0 -
I just keep dressing fly and looking good, she can't ignore that! Plus I love my self, so I don't really care what others think or say!
You are awesome!0 -
My question is how did you lose 22lbs in less than 2 months????? That's fantastic, give me some pointers :-)0
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Jealousy may indeed be a reason, but I might offer a different perspective.
I too was wondering why people weren't gushing after I had lost a few pounds, then I realised that it might be because I have done it before - many many times. Now it may have been a case of them thinking 'here he goes again trying to lose weight - whatever...' or maybe I'm not giving them enough credit.
Maybe, just maybe, they are in their own way trying to be supportive. If they are full of praise and admiration over us losing some of our excess weight, what are they supposed to say if (and going by history, when) we put it all back on again. If they build up up too high with praise, will we feel even worse when we slide back to the status quo of overeating and inactivity?
Of course we know that we have made a sustainable life change, and the weight is not going to come back, but they don't necessarily know that. Maybe I'm just over-analysing (I have a tendency to do that), but then again maybe not.
Either way I know, for me personally, that I'm not doing this for praise. It is a wonderfully affirming by-product of my success, but it is not a goal in itself. My goal is to be fitter and healthier to be a better parent, husband and person. Nothing will distract me from those goals!0 -
People are afraid of change, and you're changing. You're reminding others that they are not changing (possibly). And, if you're no longer the heavy one, roles among your family and friends will change. You will no longer be there to fulfill their expectations of you in the same way.
It makes others insecure sometimes, but I think if you just keep going and are confident in what you're doing, everything will turn out okay for you. It may be a little uncomfortable at times. But I bet you can live with that feeling, especially as you succeed in your weight loss and health goals.0 -
I was just going to say something like this...Jealousy may indeed be a reason, but I might offer a different perspective.
I too was wondering why people weren't gushing after I had lost a few pounds, then I realised that it might be because I have done it before - many many times. Now it may have been a case of them thinking 'here he goes again trying to lose weight - whatever...' or maybe I'm not giving them enough credit.
Maybe, just maybe, they are in their own way trying to be supportive. If they are full of praise and admiration over us losing some of our excess weight, what are they supposed to say if (and going by history, when) we put it all back on again. If they build up up too high with praise, will we feel even worse when we slide back to the status quo of overeating and inactivity?
Of course we know that we have made a sustainable life change, and the weight is not going to come back, but they don't necessarily know that. Maybe I'm just over-analysing (I have a tendency to do that), but then again maybe not.
Either way I know, for me personally, that I'm not doing this for praise. It is a wonderfully affirming by-product of my success, but it is not a goal in itself. My goal is to be fitter and healthier to be a better parent, husband and person. Nothing will distract me from those goals!
Not knowing you or your family dynamics it's really hard to say. It's easy to say that others are jealous or whatever. But maybe it's all the way they perceive what you are doing.
Some people have been on so many diets that "oh there she goes again" is their thought. I hope, if that is the case, she comes around when you show her you are sticking to it.
Another thing is that sometimes when someone is trying to lose weight or eat healthier or whatever you want to call it, they tend to talk all about food and what they are eating or how many calories something has. It does get tiring.
You mentioned she has to be very strict with herself to stay slim. Could she be annoyed because you aren't managing your diet the way she would?
Like I said, I don't know your family. Just some things that came to me.
Congratulations on your loss, you are doing a fantastic job. Keep up the good work! Do this for you, no one else, they will come around.0 -
my family, or i should say the women i have to call my mother, has never supported anything ive done to date,
got a tattoo, im dirty looking
got my motorcycle licence, im stupid and going to kill myself
i got a tongue ring, im a slut
i took up pole dance fitness, im a stripper
dating a beautiful man who is in a wheelchair, im wasting my life
these are the things MY MOTHER has said to me. we no longer speak!!
now if i let all that she has said to be get to me, i would not be who i am nor do the things i love to do today.
Screw what other people think, do what you love and if they don't support you, just look in the mirror and remember, you have to be your biggest fan cause its your life, your body, and you have to live with you and be happy with yourself!!
This! Wow well said!0 -
When my mother was dieting, I nearly lost it with her once. She'd go on and on about not eating this, or that... Then a week later she'd pile cheese on her spaghetti, another week later criticizing everything I ate, again...
I am noticing myself doing it with/to my husband now. But back then it really got on my nerves.
Depending on how obnoxious a dieter is, it can be hard for the family to support them... Sometimes it's even an achievement to say "oh, great" and omitting the "so when are you tackling the other ... Pounds?" - maybe I am not a very nice person....
Especially if you live with someone, you may not notice the changes as they happen all that much.
But I bet when you meet friends who haven't seen you in half a year, you'll get more of a reaction
Well done though, and keep it up 0 -
Sometimes people see your interest in changing yourself as a threat to your relationship with them. Specifically, if you begin changing yourself or your lifestyle, your relationship with them may change. It could be a combination of jealousy, resentment, fear, or anxiety. Like, if you get skinnier, or begin taking an interest in more active things, will they feel left out of your new life? Do they have insecurities that your sudden surge of self-esteem and motivation make them reflect on? its a complicated web. Open up to them about how you feel and how important their support is to you.
Also, maybe they're actually very proud of you but don't know how to say it. I know I have a hard time complimenting someone who's been working out a lot and has lost a noticeable amount of weight - I worry they'll take it wrong, like I think "will they think I am just saying they were fat before?"
Change is hard enough for you, and it may be hard for them too. Hopefully you'll remember that first and foremost it comes from within, and as long as you're happy with yourself most people can't help but be happy around you as well!0
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