Read a joke, add a joke!

radosti1

I want to read a bunch of jokes, so add your personal favorites!

Here's one of my favorites:


The story goes that there was a meeting of all the big brewers .

Mr. Miller was there and Mr. Bush, Mr. Coors and Mr. Guinness.

They came to a break time and food and drink orders were taken.

Mr. Miller ordered a Miller Lite.

Mr. Busch ordered a Bud.

Mr. Coors ordered a Silver Bullet.

Mr. Guinness ordered an iced tea.

One of his colleagues asked, "Aren't you going to have one of your own products?"

Mr. Guinness replied, "If none of you are drinking beer, neither will I."

elcyclista

So a hydrogen atom comes up to a police atom and says, "police! Police! Somebody stole my electrons!" and the cop atom says "are you sure?" and the hydrogen atom says "I'm positive".

Kym1610

This is one I received a while ago, but I love it. It will cheers me up


Ms. Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils.
"Little Johnny, what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office.
The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic. "What is three times three?"
"Nine, Sir." "How much is nine times six?"
"Fifty-four."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."
Ms. Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agreed. Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Johnny, after a moment, answered
"Legs, Ma'am"
"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?""Pockets!"
"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?" "Pants."
"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" "Coconut."
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge. "Bubblegum!"
What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" "Shake hands, Ma'am."
"Now for some 'Who am I' sort of questions, OK?
First one. You stick your pole inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do." Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"
"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!"
"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good." "Nose."
"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver." "Arrow."
"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?" "Firetruck, Ma'am!"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

heberlonghurst

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.

"My folks are from Germany, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

Tanyawhite30

A blonde orders a beer.
The bartender fills the mug and slides it
down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's
boobs and splashes all over them... The
bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and
... licks the beer off her boobs.
Each time the blond calls for another beer
this happens. So after the third beer, a guy
decides to help the bartender out. The next
time the bartender hit her boobs, the man
jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and
she decks him!
He is lying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady...
Why do you let the bartender do it?'
'Duh,' says the blonde,
'He has a licker license!

pigwidgeon82

How do you catch a unique squirrel?







UNIQUE up on him!



Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin looks at the other muffin and says, "Man, it sure is hot in here." The other muffin says, "AHHHH! IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN!"

heberlonghurst

Two cannibals were eating a clown when one turned to the other and asked "Does this meat taste fully to you?".

hapoo100

a pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. the bartender say "i will serve you here, but dont be starting anything"

TheMerryPup

Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court and the judge says, "So Mr. Mouse I understand you want to divorce your wife because you say she's crazy?" Mickey says, "I didn't say she was crazy, I just said she was f*ckin Goofy!"