Plentyoffish and dating

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  • timmymon
    timmymon Posts: 304 Member
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    I said to a friend the other day that I was going to wait till I was at my "fighting weight" to try a dating site. She was horrified! She thinks I should do it right now. She said, "Why would you want to date a guy who might not like you because you have a little extra weight?"

    Well, because that guy is human. He has a few photos to go by, and some witty writing. As sucky as it is that an awesome guy might flip right past my photo, I do get it. I have surely done the same thing.

    Until people get to know each other, that "first impression" of our photos, etc. are all we have.

    If I were you, I'd be flattered that my hard work had paid off, and that she was definitely noticing you now. I don't know that it's shallow that she didn't before-- it's just human. My opinion.



    This is so true!
  • wjranch
    wjranch Posts: 152
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    Hmmm this one seems to have sparked a bit of venom?

    POF... I've used it in the past and have to say this in this poor womans defence..... Maybe she wasn't "sure" you'd asked her out? Maybe she was already semi interested in someone else she'd just met... wanted to pursue that avenue perhaps? Nothing wrong with that I think. Maybe she had some personal issues that required dealing with? Maybe her life was a disaster at that time? Maybe she had some hang ups about an "ex" that you wouldn't have wanted to deal with anyway??

    As You can see....there are a TON of maybe's here (i'm sure others could add a million more!) But, my point is this............ IF you were interested enough back then, and you are still interested in her now... do NOT judge her on something so trivial. Do what you would wish to have done if the tables were turned.... be straight forward, honest and polite and just ASK her. Let her know you felt a little "blown off" back then and ask if she'd have felt the same way.
    My personal experience with POF has been interesting to say the least.....but, I rapidly developed a keen sense for who was 'legit' and who was a 'shark' I'm happy to say I found my 'fish' and he's fantastic....but, I did have to dine with a few sharks first ;)
  • kimi131
    kimi131 Posts: 1,058 Member
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    If you like her, go for it. If not, steer clear.

    I find that I do generate a lot more interest since I've lost weight. However, I think it's not all my physical looks. I'm also 110% more confident than I used to be and I think that has a lot to do with it too.

    You can't be sure it has anything to do with looks that she stopped messaging you in the first place. Sometimes people lose interest, sometimes someone else comes into the picture and we have to make a choice, sometimes it takes too long to get to around to the date, sometimes they just weren't as interested as they originally thought, sometimes it's just that personalities don't click. It can be lots of things; don't assume it's appearance.
  • TiffanyDeanee
    TiffanyDeanee Posts: 158
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    I kind of don't blame her. I am not to keen about dating someone that I only know online. Nowadays people need to be more careful about who they meet so maybe that was one of her reasons. If I were you, I would try to talk to her and see what the deal was. Plus the first sign of attraction is the physical, we are first attracted to what we see, not the personality, to me that comes later.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
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    Listen to your gut. If your posting that question on this message board I believe you gut is telling you to back off this woman.
  • Billabong647lwb
    Billabong647lwb Posts: 1
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    I definitely agree with this lady! give her a chance!
    I said to a friend the other day that I was going to wait till I was at my "fighting weight" to try a dating site. She was horrified! She thinks I should do it right now. She said, "Why would you want to date a guy who might not like you because you have a little extra weight?"

    Well, because that guy is human. He has a few photos to go by, and some witty writing. As sucky as it is that an awesome guy might flip right past my photo, I do get it. I have surely done the same thing.

    Until people get to know each other, that "first impression" of our photos, etc. are all we have.

    If I were you, I'd be flattered that my hard work had paid off, and that she was definitely noticing you now. I don't know that it's shallow that she didn't before-- it's just human. My opinion.
  • mjgregg12
    mjgregg12 Posts: 36
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    As much as we all don't want to admit it, physical attraction IS a big part of a relationship. You have to be attracted to your partner on all levels.
    And, I met my boyfriend online, but on match.com.
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
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    Maybe she thought you were some sort of CREEPY INTERNET person and now that she see's you are a normal person then I would say that's what it is.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    she could have just been shy? Idk, I backed out on quite a few dates when I had my online dating profile set up, but only because I would chicken out. I'd say ask her on a date, gently confront her about it. Maybe she had just met someone else? Who knows, I would give it a shot.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    As much as we all don't want to admit it, physical attraction IS a big part of a relationship. You have to be attracted to your partner on all levels.
    And, I met my boyfriend online, but on match.com.

    I met my fiance, and baby daddy to be online (engaged 8/28/11 found out we are having a baby on 1/01/12!) You never will know her real reasons unless you go on a date with her. If she is really shallow you will find out soon enough!
  • HM1971
    HM1971 Posts: 63 Member
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    Lets start a MFP dating site.......
  • piinchi
    piinchi Posts: 172 Member
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    I'm in agreement with the people that you probably wouldn't hurt giving her a shot at a date. Sometimes meeting people online can be overwhelming. Its been years since I was doing online dating, but I was always very cautious. Its possible her reasons for not following up further online had nothing to do with your weight at all! She met you, she is interested in you, and it sounds like you may still be interested in her - who knows, maybe it'll be a funny story some day at your wedding. "I almost didn't go out with her...but then..." :smooched:
  • cjones0992
    cjones0992 Posts: 55 Member
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    Hmmm this one seems to have sparked a bit of venom?

    POF... I've used it in the past and have to say this in this poor womans defence..... Maybe she wasn't "sure" you'd asked her out? Maybe she was already semi interested in someone else she'd just met... wanted to pursue that avenue perhaps? Nothing wrong with that I think. Maybe she had some personal issues that required dealing with? Maybe her life was a disaster at that time? Maybe she had some hang ups about an "ex" that you wouldn't have wanted to deal with anyway??

    As You can see....there are a TON of maybe's here (i'm sure others could add a million more!) But, my point is this............ IF you were interested enough back then, and you are still interested in her now... do NOT judge her on something so trivial. Do what you would wish to have done if the tables were turned.... be straight forward, honest and polite and just ASK her. Let her know you felt a little "blown off" back then and ask if she'd have felt the same way.
    My personal experience with POF has been interesting to say the least.....but, I rapidly developed a keen sense for who was 'legit' and who was a 'shark' I'm happy to say I found my 'fish' and he's fantastic....but, I did have to dine with a few sharks first ;)

    This^^^ Many possible reasons. She could have just been nervous to meet someone that she met online. She may or may not be shallow, just cautious
  • hklaquadra
    hklaquadra Posts: 48
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    One thing you said - she remembered your name and remembered having chatted with you on POF. That tells me she definitely did have some interest somewhere along the way, since I can honestly say, if a guy doesn't strike my fancy, he becomes what's-his-name? very quickly.

    So give her a break and meet up for a nice casual lunch. Then find a way to say "Isn't it funny how things kind of fizzled out on POF, but now that we meet in person, it's different. Why do you think that is?" Give her a chance to explain, maybe she had something else going on in her life, maybe she was afraid of meeting up with a virtual stranger. She bothered to talk to you on POF despite whatever she saw there that you may think turned her off. Me, a guy messages me, if I don't like what I see in his profile, pics or what he wrote, I won't bother writing back. I know that sounds harsh, but it is what it is.....so the fact that she did carry on a dialogue with you before says a little bit of interest did exist.

    So I'm with the Go-for-it delegation. Just make sure that it's not YOUR insecurity that is now holding you back ;)
  • Kid_Sampson
    Kid_Sampson Posts: 5
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    Online dating is based off of immediate first impressions. It's made for "shallow opportunists," so to speak. That said, you can't really judge someone only from words on a screen. I would say give her a shot.
  • Newfiedan
    Newfiedan Posts: 1,517 Member
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    Not to be a a** but in person the first thing required to be attracted to someone is a physical attraction, yes it is possible to see beyond that, but for the bulk of the population there has to be something to ignite the interest, now this may be the eyes, the body, the smile, etc but on some level there has to be a spark of attraction and most people go off the physical appearance. So sadly unless you talk to a person it will rarely go beyond that. With internet dating there are going to be lots of shallow men and women, trying to get some depth from an internet profile can be hard at times with the short attention spans and instant gratification crowd that dominates society these days.If you are looking for a deeper connection then it is going to take time. I had given up when I met my wife and we met from an initial internet chat. I have seen my fair share of shallow men and women, its to bad that they do not take the time to develop a personality.
  • caustin112
    caustin112 Posts: 26 Member
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    Well, because that guy is human. He has a few photos to go by, and some witty writing. As sucky as it is that an awesome guy might flip right past my photo, I do get it. I have surely done the same thing.

    Until people get to know each other, that "first impression" of our photos, etc. are all we have.


    I agree. I'm fully aware that there are good people that might be interested in me at 150 that aren't at 250. And I'm okay with that. However it does motivate me to get to my "fighting weight". I'd ask her but she likely will say it was some other reason. If she says the weight was an issue then at least you know she's honest and already steps ahead of lots of other people on the internet.
  • liha0808
    liha0808 Posts: 31 Member
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    and all this time I thought only women played games. :-/
  • tsimpson84
    tsimpson84 Posts: 35
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    In my time on POF I found a lot of weirdos, creepers and pervs.

    I agree. POF was the worst of all the websites for some reason. I had the largest percentage of complete *kitten* message me on that site. Online dating is hard, but I think okcupid had the most variety of people (good and bad) - I feel like I met more quality people on there.
  • Frankilou25
    Frankilou25 Posts: 57 Member
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    Hi, I have some positives to spin on this. I met my partner through POF and we're now planning our July wedding!! so there is NOTHING wrong with online dating. you just need to have common sense, its no different to meeting someone at a nightclub, in fact its better!
    anyways regarding the girl, i think you should give her another chance, she may have been hesitant online as sometimes it can be quite dauntng. I ignored my fiancees profileat first and then when i actually got to know him, it was great. You have to do whats most comfrotable for you but like the other woman have said, i also did come accross alot of weirdo/aholes on there and had to block quite a few. so maybe the girl was just wary!!

    I say go for it, second chances can be the best decision you make

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