Should I try and help

JDMPWR

To some people this may sound like lunacy but I have been listening to the 6 rules by Arnold a lot of the last month. I have always felt like it is good for someone to give back to the world/community on some level and one of his rules strikes that cord.

In the past I have done things around the holidays, volunteering my time as well as my families to the less fortunate and it makes you feel great but it it should really be a selfless act and not just a 2-3 days a year thing. This comes to my point and please remember I am trying to help without pushing my judgements or thoughts or my own childhood issues that may still haunt me.

Here it is, I see these two brothers come into the gym every day. One is super skinny and the one is overweight for his height and what I assume is his age range. I watch him muddle around the gym and try to do things but I then watch his brother make fun of him or not try to help him along in any way. You can tell he is not proud or confident in himself as his head is hung low and he will step on a stepper or treadmill and try for a few minutes and give up. I know he isn't asking for my help and maybe it's just me wanting him to want to be in better shape for his age and he has to come to that conclusion on his own terms or at least have a positive environment to let him see that he can achieve all that he can dream as he is still so young.

I dont know if I should approach him and ask him if he wants some pointers or maybe stop and talk to his mom when she drops him off or picks him up or should I just let the kid be himself. I know for all the mentoring I received(unbeknownst at the time that it was happening) I wouldnt have any of the drive I have today but I also dont want to push my thoughts of how I think HE should look or feel, I can just tell that he doesn't have a very strong or good positive self image, mental or physical and I hate to see that in people, in anyone.

Give me your views bluntly, please. (excuse my terrible lack of punctuation and grammar)

taso42

Maybe just chat him up and see where the conversation goes...

MyFeistyEvolution

I agree....chat him up. There is a good chance that someone else talking to him and being a positive image at the gym will help him gain confidence and find his own way.


And it's a shame that the brother is callous like that...

skittybang

You 100% have the best intentions! Most people don't see past their nose... it is a great quality to want to lend your insight to someone you can see is struggling. I agree, just shoot the *kitten* with the kid.... of course your conversation will lead to fitness and health since you're at a gym. Sharing how far you came and how you got there is a very inspirational thing... you never know what's going to make that light switch flick on in his head. If it doesn't, no worries - you took that step and that's totally commendable.

duchess_natas

I say talk to him. Maybe as him to spot you and help you out. Helping others is also a way to build confidence. I think it's wonderful that you want to help and I don't think you shouldn't do anything. You could just start talking to him while he's spotting you. See where the conversation goes. But pass the torch if you can. What do you have to lose? My mother used to say to me, what's the worst he could do, say no?

MarincicS

Perhaps ask him to help you in some way, and then become sort of gym partners. Ask him to spot you or help you count or to watch how you are doing something and let you know so you can be sure you are in the correct posture. If he is receptive, you can offer to help each other. Sounds like he needs a friend as much as a coach.

prose58

I think yes you should most definitely try and help him. A little encouragement goes a long way. Just talk to him.

We all need someone at some point in time. Just maybe your encouragement will help him.

Miss♥Ivi

Holy douchebaggery batman! His brother is obviously a tool! I think you should chat him up and see where it goes. It's clear his brother doesn't think he's important enough to stop and help. So why not not step in. I mean, even if it's just to show him how to properly use the machines or the right form. Wouldn't want him injuring himself.

Hope it goes well for you and him! Everyone needs a little push every now and then.

SageGoddess320

I wouldn't try to talk to him OR the mother. People get weird when you try to offer advise, especially when it comes to their children.

MyFeistyEvolution

I will add that if you randomly see him doing an exercise wrong, you approaching him and saying something like "hey bud, I noticed your form is in such a way that you could hurt yourself, try X" would be a good ice breaker and that's when you can start the chat.

MissFit0101

Strike up some conversation but def don't offer pointers unless he asks for them!

JoolieW68

I think it's great that you want to try and help him. I would suggest as others have at first - just talk to him, befriend him. He may need/want just a friend more than anything, and you could make a huge difference in his life.

Once you get better acquainted, you could offer to help him with his fitness goals (or he may even ask for help).

Kudos to you. Young people can always benefit from positive role models.

BIGJIMMYU

Often family members and close friends tend to judge themselves as others begin to succeed. Even our spouses tend to judge themselves as we become thinner and more attractive and outgoing as a result in our newfound confidence and love for ourselves. This is quite normal and happens all the time. I agree. Talk to him and motivate! We can all use more of that!

Mountain_woman

Some of my best gains came from a friendly pointer from a more seasoned lifter at the gym. It was helpful. I was actually relieved because I was using the equipment, hoping I was doing it correctly and in the back of my head thinking, "Everyone here knows I'm doing this wrong! Gahhh!". (Neurotic, yes.) I didn't feel confident enough to go at a good intensity or nearly as effective. Then a nice lifter struck up a nice convo which lead to a few pointers. We didn't become pals or anything, but breaking the ice like a helpful, more experienced hand made all the difference, especially in my technique and form! Go for it. His brother sounds like a total a**bag anyway. Last thing another kid needs is a person beating down their self esteem, especially from a relative. Perhaps your guidance will help this kid beef up and assist in putting his bunghole of a brother in his place. What a jerk. Go for it!

kenlad64

Strike up some conversation but def don't offer pointers unless he asks for them!

I would agree with this. It is sad to say but this ...but you REALLY gotta be careful how you approach people. It is abvious you have the best of intentions but they will not know that when you first approach them.