I'm out of control, please help me!!

Oliviana

Hi, my name is Oliviana and I'm 23 years old. My life is spinning out of control and I would really appreciate someones help.

I weight about 110, and considering I'm like half an inch under 5'2", that's not an awful weigh for me...but what I want is to be toned. But that's not why i need help.

Food. I LOVE food. I love sweet potato fries, gnocci, dark chocolate, bundt cakes, starbucks frappys, lasagna, cheese, crackers, carrots, snap peas, bananas, malts, cookies and cream anything, oreos, girl scout cookies, enchiladas, and frosting. I like healthy food, too, but I have a huge problem. If i even taste any of the above mentioned foods, my control vanishes. (Exception of bananas and snap peas and carrots.) I can't just have a bite, I want to grab all of it and eat eat eat it. If I don't have ANY of the above foods ever, I keep control. But I'm also unhappy and I feel so deprived. Why isn't "everything in moderation" working for me?

I want to be beautiful, and I don't feel or look beautiful. But if I keep my control, I feel deprived and I crave things ALL the time. If I let myself lose control, I feel temporarily happy and then hate myself again later.

Please help me, I don't know what to do.

iuew

your BMI seems well within healthy range; somewhat on the lower end, in fact.

as for the way you feel, i think that a lot of us have felt exactly the same way. i know that i did; it was part of how i became obese.

since losing the weight and committing to exercise and maintenance, i can say that i still love food. however, eating all of the time is just not part of my routine anymore.

check out the site, keep a food and exercise diary, add some friends, and learn everything that you can.

but i think the important thing is to understand why you "love" food and to abandon any feelings of guilt about it. you love food because most of your ancestors back to the beginning of humanity lived in feast or famine conditions, and survived because they ate everything that they could during the "feast" periods. this has resulted in humans with efficient metabolisms who instinctively crave calorie-dense foods. there is nothing wrong with this, and it isn't "weakness."

however, in accepting this, one also has to accept that in modern first-world nations, many of us live in a state of constant availability of "feast" conditions. it's no surprise that we haven't yet adapted to this; 60 years or so simply isn't enough time.

the good news? you can adjust your routine and expectations, and it's not the horribly difficult task that you might think. and it's rewarding to meter your food intake and to embrace exercise. you can exercise to tone, and you can make healthy food choices. eventually, this becomes your routine, and your expectations are modified somewhat in that routine.

good luck, and i hope that you stick around MFP.

bailamulata

hi Oliviana... I read your post and totally understand the feelings you described where you want to grab the gallon of ice cream and take it to the sofa and put the original 1 cup serving back into the freezer instead. I have episodes where I binge and lose total control and then you hate yourself for it... Food is a constant battle with me too. One thing I have learned is that if I deprive myself too much I will eat everything in sight when my will power falters even a little bit. I don't believe in rewarding myself with food anymore for doing good on eating correctly and exercising because that just continues the problem I have... but what I try (still a work in progress) is to serve myself on a smaller plate and add just a little of the food I love. I tried that "salt shaker" stuff that makes you stop eating but only to learn that I devour my food so quick that it doesn't kick in on time. ugggghh! The main thing is not to give up... if you fall.. get up, dust yourself off... and get right back on. I wish you luck and keep us updated on how you are doing.

newlife888

Hi Oliviana,

Do you think that you control food as an attempt to control other things in your life? What else is going on?

I completely understand where you are coming from. My relationship with food has been a life-long struggle. But think that our views about food, just like our perceptions of our bodies can and do change.

Let me know if you need support.