How do you deal with unsupportive friends?

Megclark37

My friends have been really unsupportive of my lifestyle change. I used to drink an extreme amount (3 or 4 days/week) and get literally hammered each time. My group of friends are all the same way (we're from WI what can I say..) But recently I haven't been going out with them because I don't want to surround myself with it and when I DO drink I end up eating tons of junk food.

In the past couple of months I have gained almost 30 lbs from going out with my friends. Now that I haven't been going out they all tell me how lame I am and don't really understand that I'm trying to make a lifestyle change.

I don't know how to react or respond to the negativity from my friends.. I feel like I'm becoming such a happier and healthier person but it is costing me my friends. Any suggestions? I don't want to feel guilty about doing something GREAT for myself.

mdebbie1026

You really have to do what is best for YOU! If they are truly great friends they will come around. Maybe you could host a movie night at your house? Healthy snacks with a small amount of junk food so that it does not look like a total dud, but not so much that you will be tempted to indulge in "their" food. I know drinking is more the issue but, maybe if they had a diversion they would spend an evening now and then doing something other than drinking.

It is hard enough to be on this journey, but when you don't have the support of your friends that makes it doubley harder. If you hold to your resolve and they see it is working for you they will possibly want to get off that fast track too but they were not brave enough to be the first...Congratulations on your quest for healthier living. Stick with it, it will pay off.


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susannamarie

There are a couple things that I do.

1) I show up and volunteer to be designated driver, and then nibble carefully. I decide in advance how much (pizza) I can have and then eat it very slowly.

2) I plan a spike day and go out anyway :P

leakewh

Kick em to the curb...If they dont support you they're not worth having as friends...

realme56

I agree, find other things to do and make some new friends. Alcoholism is ugly when you are in your 40's with your liver shot, yellowed skin, easy bruising and early dementia d/t alcoholic psychosis.

MenaMena

If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. ~Jim Rohn

Real friends will support you. Perhaps it is time to find some.

Good luck with your decision.

strbryt

well if they are your real friends you are not gonna lose them because you decide to do something good and healthy for yourself. The other things is keep doing it and maybe when they see how well it is working for you then they will jump on your bandwagon. Either way don't stop making better lifestyle choices because others don't like it.

Skinny_Beans

I avoid talking to anyone who is negative about my dieting and weight loss. Sad to say, many people are so used to a "eat anything and everything" lifestyle, that they frown upon people who want to take control of their diet! I have had people tell me i'm "going crazy" just because I log all my meals into myfitnesspal! I also get a lot of "but you look fine already, you don't want to become anorexic" which is hilarious considering they clearly have no idea what anorexic means. To be honest, if you can't find friends who support you, just stop telling them about your goals. Talk to people who do though, it helps bunches :]

Though honestly maybe it is just your friends, bc I have plenty of overweight or junk foodie ones who still support or at least respect my weight loss goals

kellyjamespro

I have found if you lose friends when you are doing something positive they werent really friends they were associates....... I know its tough but trust you will me new friends. Surround yourself with positive people only!

CSummers316

Explain to them that you are trying to make healthier choices for your life. You can volunteer to do the designated driver thing, but if you find them still not being supportive, explore new interest and make some new friends. Negativity on this kind of journey is definitely not something anyone needs. They need to understand that you are making positive changes in your life.

captainlindarg

I definitely deal with similar issues. I basically never go out and drink, because all the empty calories in alcohol and I also tend to eat like crazy when I drink. It's just not worth it to me. Luckily, my friends aren't as big on partying anymore, most of them are all settled down and moved in with their significant others so they're the boring, lame ones. Ha!

But I also face people who are unsupportive in other respects. I have one friend who is much heavier than me, and I have relatively little to lose compared to her. She always tells me I don't need to lose weight and that I'm already "skinny".

I get similar things from other friends, but I feel like it's always an excuse for them to feel better about their own lack of action on trying to lose weight. Today, I told my coworker/good friend that I was proud of myself for spending an hour yesterday running and doing other exercises, after working a full shift at our physically demanding job. The first words out of her mouth were "Way to show me up." She said it in a half-joking way but I can tell it was her passive-aggressive way of being serious. I got pretty pissed off. It's like, you're my friend -- you should be happy for me!

messyinthekitchen

get rid of them.

ilookthetype

1. Well done on decreasing your risk of becoming an alcoholic
2. I bury those who don't give me the support I need

pauljsolie

Get rid of them. I grew up in La Crosse (didn't live there just drank there, ALOT) and I know what kind of town it is and it's hard. Get some friends who will respect you for the choices you make, not ridicule you.

Brian001

Get some supportive friends! I know all of us on MFP can't physically be there but we will always keep you on track and praise you on the good days and keep your spirit up on the not so good days

imjessly

find people who want a healthier lifestyle, you'll want to spend more time with them and be happier overall

rugbyphreak

I am also from WI... so I feel your pain. Instead of ignoring them, go out, but not as often. I go out about once a month and plan for it in my diet plan. I've also started asking my usually negative friends to come out with me to work out or go to eat somewhere healthy. They're actually starting to really enjoy it and we're all getting fit. It's so much easier and more fun when you have people that support you and want to help you with your goal.

gymshoe42

I think they're against your lifestyle change because it just exposes what they know is not healthy and they're having a hard time facing that truth. They don't want to change so they pressure you to not change cause it reinforces what they're doing is okay. With you breaking away and changing, ..they're afraid others will see the light and the group will be done for.

What to do about it? ...just don't give a *kitten* about what they say. They're not gonna make sure you're healthy...only you can. You are not there to please them. ...soo.. stay the course. Perhaps they'll see the light and then come back to you down the road.

gnrshelton

You did call them FRIENDS right? Sounds like you are just more mature than they are. Don't feel guilty for doing what is right for you! If your friends don't get over it maybe it is time for new friends!

Megclark37

If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. ~Jim Rohn

Real friends will support you. Perhaps it is time to find some.

Good luck with your decision.

love this quote! thank you so much!

emc1976

With unsupportive friends who needs enemies...true friends will not only support you they will join you. :bigsmile:

SKP1986

I weed negativity from my life on a regular basis. I believe that everyone is entitled to a certain level of negativity for certain things, but when people start constantly dogging me for taking a turn for the better, it's time to drop them.

I suggest reevaluating your friendship with these people and maybe even sitting down to a serious heart-to-heart with them. Explain what you are doing and why, suggest some alternative activities for your regular crew, and if they don't come around and start supporting you then maybe it's time to think about what sort of friends they are and if they are worth keeping. Go to the gym and start talking to people there... take some classes (pilates, spin, etc) and see if you can't find a few good friends with the same goals.

I know it sucks to drop friends, but if they aren't supporting a change for a better you, then are they really good friends to begin with?

capnwo85

If they are unsupportive of you, they aren't really your'e friends. Same thing happened to me, I would just get stupid comments from people about improving myself, I stopped calling them, they never called me, just that simple. True friends will support you in whatever you decide to do, whether it be getting in shape, getting a Mike Tyson tat on your face, or sky diving. The others are just that, others. Good luck on our journey!

harebearva

I found that getting healthy is a good way to find out who your true friends really are. Those that drift away were in the friendship for the wrong reasons and not for you. I found mind over matter works best. you shouldn't mind, cause they don't matter!

LaurasClimb

It's awfully easy for us to sit back and say "ditch your friends." But they are your friends!
Have you told them how you feel? Something like "I would really like to hang out with you guys and I will in the future. Right now I'm just trying to get a little healthier. I feel like you don't care about me as a person when you tell me I'm lame just because I don't want to get wasted right now. Am I your friend?"
Yeah, I'm all about the guilt!

Helenatrandom

It seems like the only thing holding your friendship together was drinking. I think you need to make new friends.

I like the suggestion made earlier to offer to be a designated driver and abstain from drinking alcohol and nibble. If you eat a healthy snack before you go, you may nibble less. If they accept your offer to be a designated driver, they are interested in spending time with you (though perhaps a bit uncreative in finding ways to do so). If they insist that you must drink with them, then you don't have anything in common anymore, and need to move on.

Megclark37

Thank you everyone!

It's not even that they doubt my goals but they criticize eeeeverything I do.
It's mostly my roommate.. I just bought protein powder, flax seeds, etc and she found it and she rolled her eyes at it
I stopped telling her anything about my eating habits, exercising, etc because she would just make snooty comments.
I have been so happy with my health lately- I go to college full time, work, babysit, constantly busy.. my roommate has never had a job, drinks and smokes weed basically daily, naps all day, retaking a ton of classes she's already failed and she makes it seem like I'm crazy for changing my lifestyle and acts like she is SO much better than everybody else. It's just really frustrating having to live with somebody like that.

Any suggestions?

djkamin60

True friends support you in whatever you do. They are not real friends if they don't. Maybe they are jealous of you and your willpower to succeed.

mosertheninja

People only try to 8bring you down when they know you are above them.

Megclark37

Get rid of them. I grew up in La Crosse (didn't live there just drank there, ALOT) and I know what kind of town it is and it's hard. Get some friends who will respect you for the choices you make, not ridicule you.

Its def a huuuuuge party town, especially when you're a college student! It's just really sad that it's also a beautiful area for outdoor activities that not many people take advantage of!

capnwo85

Thank you everyone!

It's not even that they doubt my goals but they criticize eeeeverything I do.
It's mostly my roommate.. I just bought protein powder, flax seeds, etc and she found it and she rolled her eyes at it
I stopped telling her anything about my eating habits, exercising, etc because she would just make snooty comments.
I have been so happy with my health lately- I go to college full time, work, babysit, constantly busy.. my roommate has never had a job, drinks and smokes weed basically daily, naps all day, retaking a ton of classes she's already failed and she makes it seem like I'm crazy for changing my lifestyle and acts like she is SO much better than everybody else. It's just really frustrating having to live with somebody like that.


Any suggestions?

Flush her stash. lol