O.M.G.

stephc0711

It hit me today just how bad I have gotten. I realized in the middle of drawing a patient's blood (only bc I got light headed!) for breakfast this morning, I only had 5 chocolate truffles and a bag of peanut butter M & M's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When did I become this person?
Then I realized... I have started gaining weight after having lost 10 lbs. And it depresses me. I have so little motivation, it makes me feel like I'm useless. So, I eat. A LOT. All the time. but it's never anything healthy. I'm stressed about other things as well, but I'll not get into those. I just hate the way I look, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it. It's affecting a lot of things in my life, like my sex drive (I know, TMI), and I still just don't care! The food seems to make me feel better, until I step on the scale. Or look at myself in the mirror. SO... I'm not posting this to whine, I promise. I just would really like some advice and maybe a little support if you don't mind! The advice I'm seeking??

HOW DO YOU KEEP YOURSELF MOTIVATED??????
I'd really like to know. I'm trying something a little different, and I hope that it works. I have never in my life worn a real bikini. Even when I was 100 lbs, I felt that my body was too fat for one. Today, I bought one. And, I took pictures in it. I'm going to post them on MFP on my profile, and it's going to remind me how great I'm going to look in it when I lose weight. I have to admit, I fill out the top nicely.... It's just that the rest keeps on being filled!!!!!!! But, I joined a challenge to lose 20 lbs in (now!) 13 weeks. In 13 weeks, I'd like to look like a hott momma in that string bikini. But, I need help!
Thanks for listening to my rant.... I feel like I just yammered away, but I really do appreciate the support.