night time jokes, the badder the better ;)

teagin2002

Ok I can't sleep and have a need to laugh, so bring on the jokes!!!

teagin2002

One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"

The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

teagin2002

Now I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly.

I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft.

If you would do this for me no one would ever know.

I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would.

I am very desperate and I need your help.

You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry.

I am not going to beat around the bush any longer so.

Do you have a piece of gum?

teagin2002

Question: If you catch it, you will throw it away. If you don't catch it, you will keep it. What is it?
Answer: Lice

Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall:
"Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!


Question: Which day of the week is most hated by fish?
Answer: Fry Day

JessicaHoskins

Did you hear @ what happened to Theodore (Ted) Bundy?
They fried him in the Electric Chair on FRYDAY...I mean Friday!
(They did,too!!!):laugh:

JessicaHoskins

Here's a better one:
Boy says to Parent:
I want to **ck your daughter.
Parent: WHAT???!!!
Boy: I want a glass of water!
:laugh: :blushing:

JessicaHoskins

Stop me, after this one...
What's green & yellow and smells like bananas?
MONKEY PUKE!!!:laugh:

DannyMussels

Q.What do an out of shape boxer, and draculas girlfriend have in common?

A.They both go down for the count.

JessicaHoskins

O.K...here's my last one for tonight...i swear...
A vampire goes into a bar; the bartender asks what he wants, he says a glass of blood, drinks it, & leaves.
Another vampire comes into the same bar & sits down.
The bartender asks him what do you want?
And the vampire says he wants a cup of hot water.
HOT water? What, are you kidding me?!
The vampire calmly says NO; pulls out a tampon & says: I VANT A CUP OF TEA!!!!

JessicaHoskins

What do you call a tampon?

A pu**y plunger!!!

rob_v

This is one of my favorites....but its better spoken than written...

What did cinderella say when she got to the ball?
<insert choking sound here>

:-)