SQUATTER IN MY EFFING LIVING ROOM

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2

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  • GauchoMark
    GauchoMark Posts: 1,804 Member
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    I know you won't argue, but when his MOM KICKS HIM OUT!!!! That is a red flag!

    I agree with giving him chores or charging rent. Don't let him get comfortable.
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
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    It's not relevant that your husband has known said friend for longer than he's known you. You, as his wife, should be his TOP priority - and as such, your feelings and opinions should be taken into consideration for ALL matters.

    If you are uncomfortable for ANY reason with that dude being there then you need to tell your husband. If he doesn't respect your feelings...well then, unfortunately you have bigger issues than Mr. Squatter.

    Best of luck to ya.
  • Jenlwb
    Jenlwb Posts: 682 Member
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    Do you know his mom? If so, tell her to sort her son out, you already have 1 kid to take care of!
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
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    Take his crap out of your way, throw it on him, and tell him you're going to do your thing, and he needs to get gone for a bit. Maybe I'm just not that nice, but I would be pissed to have my routine messed up like that, and wouldn't be that nice about it, especially if it were my husband who had allowed it. That *kitten* would be hitting the fan, and he would be cleaning it up.
  • LoggingForLife
    LoggingForLife Posts: 504 Member
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    Show that boy to the nearest homeless shelter. Sounds like the only answer is to get him out. Good luck.
  • DeenieWeenie
    DeenieWeenie Posts: 149 Member
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    You could always just turn the tv up loud and work out anyways! just a thought.. Maybe he'll get annoyed. ;)
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    This is going to sound terrible, but even when there are people sleeping on my couch (they don't live here but we often end up with teenagers spending the night and stuff), I get up early, get the kids to school, put on my radio and start making breakfast and cleaning. And singing. I love singing while I cook and clean. When breakfast is done I would offer sleepy a plate, and be all friendly and chatty and happy. :laugh: Chat with them while we eat. When done eating breakfast i'd go back in the kitchen and clean up and then if it was time for my workout i'd go back into the living room and workout. Be friendly, but let them know politely and firmly (without saying a word about it, just by going through your normal daily routine) that they will not interrupt your daily household schedule.

    I wouldn't do anything angrily this time, you don't want to have any trouble with your husband. My husband wouldn't let a grown man stay at our home during the day while he was at work. It would just be awkward for me. He knows I don't like to be alone with people I don't know very well...and I wouldn't feel comfortable staying home all day with a guy that wasn't my husband. :flowerforyou: I do really think you need to address your frustrations with your husband, too. Maybe he doesn't realize how frustrated you are, and if he were to hear it from you, he might say something to his friend. I agree with the poster that said no matter how long he's known his friend,you are his wife and you and his child should be his priority.
  • kbanzhaf
    kbanzhaf Posts: 601 Member
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    Your living room, your treadmill, your rules.
    4 AM workout? That's what I'd do. Make him miserable enough to want to leave.
    Kaye
  • shalinimunjal
    shalinimunjal Posts: 192 Member
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    His mom kicked him out. Clue #1
    Now he wants to go to grandma Clue #2
    He asked for 1 night and is still there 3 nights later.

    Kick his *kitten* to the curb. He's a freeloader and won't get subtle hints.
  • my2boiz
    my2boiz Posts: 89
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    Since your hubby is the one who let him move in i would tell him that he gets to stay home with your kiddo while you go to the gym since its his friend that is taking up your living room. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to be mean, but you do have to say something to one of them. The longer you hold it in the bigger the explosion is going to be!! Gooood Luck!!
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
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    There actually are some calmer ways to handle this. I've been there and had freeloading friends of my DH that stuck around longer than they should have.

    Step 1: You *have* to talk to your husband. This has to be a calm discussion in which you both discuss what's happening. You need to understand his point of view of helping out a friend. And he needs to understand yours-that it is, at best, an incredibly awkward situation and, at worst, very troublesome.

    Step 2: Consider laying down some rules with the friend. Such as- no guests without express permission, you must put in x number of applications for housing or jobs per day, you will do x amount of cleaning each day, responsible for own groceries, etc.

    Step 3: Lay down a definite end date. This is crucial. No matter how much your husband wants to help your friend, this has to be laid down now. Whether it's 1 week, 2 weeks, or 1 month, it needs to be laid down firmly. He can stay for this long, no longer, no matter what. With our last house guest we gave him a contingency: You can stay until x date unless you have a job by then. If so, you can stretch until y date to save up for security deposit. That's up to you if want something like that. With the guy in your living room, I don't recommend it.

    In the meantime, lay out a daily schedule to which he will adhere. That includes when you and the child will use the living room for YOUR needs. Regardless of when he chooses to fall asleep, he'll need to vacate during that time. Whether he's cleaning the house, cooking his breakfast, job searching, or shoveling snow, he's out of the room.

    I hope this helps you. This kind of structure did wonders for us. Remember, it starts with talking to your husband. He really needs to know where you stand.
  • TonyL68
    TonyL68 Posts: 133 Member
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    Tell your husband you think his friend has the hots for you.


    Sssssssssssssssssssee ya!
  • flong1975
    flong1975 Posts: 56
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    This is the same situation my sister was in when our older sister moved in with her. Younger sis had to deal with her husband complaining about the older one who was basically freeloading too. After about a month, younger sis could not take the stress.... Younger sis would eventually start to talk loudly on the phone, husband made comments out load but it was not until older sis was asked flat out how long she planned on staying did the truth come out- 6 months to a year! Oh hell no, they gave her another month to find a place... you know what happened? She moved out by the end of the week!
  • DeenieWeenie
    DeenieWeenie Posts: 149 Member
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    Tell your husband you think his friend has the hots for you.


    Sssssssssssssssssssee ya!

    :laugh: I thought of that too! Might cause major issues though! lol
  • ruqayyahsmum
    ruqayyahsmum Posts: 1,514 Member
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    the longer freeloaders stay the harder it is to get rid of them

    THIS!
  • renroh0
    renroh0 Posts: 7
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    the longer freeloaders stay the harder it is to get rid of them

    THIS!

    And this freeloader has been staying for an astounding *GASP* three days.

    Best advice to the TC: Show some respect for your husband. Obviously if this was about his stuff being on your treadmill, you'd just tell him to move his damn stuff. This really has more to do with the situation reminding you that the world doesn't revolve around you. This guy isn't on vacation, he's in a tough spot and he's an invited guest.

    Do I have to ask about whether you've been courteous to this guy in the past? If you had, you could probably just talk to the guy and find a way to peacefully coexist until he wears out his welcome (which he obviously hasn't with the person who invited him). However, since you likely decided to start trouble with this guy as soon as he got there or earlier, compromise isn't an option.

    So your choices are A) Develop some dignity and personal responsibility as a person and you'll find that your workouts are entirely unimpeded or B) Lay down the law with your husband and remind him there's only room for ONE freeloader at this house (you).
  • lissalawson
    lissalawson Posts: 2 Member
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    Worse than that, what is your husband doing moving someone in without you agreeing first. They might both have to go.
  • DatEpicChick
    DatEpicChick Posts: 358 Member
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    the longer freeloaders stay the harder it is to get rid of them

    THIS!

    And this freeloader has been staying for an astounding *GASP* three days.

    Best advice to the TC: Show some respect for your husband. Obviously if this was about his stuff being on your treadmill, you'd just tell him to move his damn stuff. This really has more to do with the situation reminding you that the world doesn't revolve around you. This guy isn't on vacation, he's in a tough spot and he's an invited guest.

    Do I have to ask about whether you've been courteous to this guy in the past? If you had, you could probably just talk to the guy and find a way to peacefully coexist until he wears out his welcome (which he obviously hasn't with the person who invited him). However, since you likely decided to start trouble with this guy as soon as he got there or earlier, compromise isn't an option.

    So your choices are A) Develop some dignity and personal responsibility as a person and you'll find that your workouts are entirely unimpeded or B) Lay down the law with your husband and remind him there's only room for ONE freeloader at this house (you).

    thank you for being a complete ****, but i'm pretty sure if you met this guy or if he was laying around YOUR living room all day you would feel different. He's a complete passive ****, hes rude and he thinks HE knows better than everyone. I'm not saying 3 days is killing me, but i am saying that living with someone who sleeps ALL EFFING DAY when i am trying to spend time with my daughter is difficult. and you DONT even know me, so how am i a freeloader?

    i clean the house, make the meals, take care of the baby (day and night), plus i do preschool with her AND i'm a full time college student, so i dont think i qualify as a freeloader, but thanks for your astoundingly rude post, next time you should just start your post with "I'm a complete a44hole, but this is what i think..."
  • DatEpicChick
    DatEpicChick Posts: 358 Member
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    he has some serious issues, which is why i find it hard to talk to him about anything, besides the fact that he is a jerk, his father was murdered when he was a kid and his mother went to jail for like 15 years for drug trafficking, so he doesnt bond with ANYONE... i honestly dont know how him and my husband have been friends for so long...

    my husband knows how i feel, but i think he is trying to do the right thing and do right by his friend because he knows that the guy would do the same for him, but i cannot stand planning my schedule around him. I havent lived with anyone but my husband and our little girl for so long, and when he stays up all night and sleeps all day it makes it difficult to do anything....

    appartently he will moving out 'on the 16th or the end of next month'.... but there is no effing way he is living in our living room for a month....

    he needs to go live with other people, so yea, my husband and i will be talking tonight and i will let you all know how it goes, but ONE night is not about to turn into ONE month... if we had a spare room it would be different, but we dont, and its not.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 994 Member
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    my husband knows how i feel, but i think he is trying to do the right thing and do right by his friend because he knows that the guy would do the same for him, but i cannot stand planning my schedule around him. I havent lived with anyone but my husband and our little girl for so long, and when he stays up all night and sleeps all day it makes it difficult to do anything....

    I would also point out that this is a total lack of courtesy, he knows your situation, he knows that normal people sleep during the day yet he's disrupting your schedule. If nothing else, your husband should talk to him about that and either way you should just go about your day as usual. Even if he wakes up.

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