Need to vent about life
katrinakitchentrials
Posts: 24 Member
I wasn't sure where to post this, in offtopic or in here. I decided here because I'm hoping that after getting it all out there, it'll release some of the stress and I'll actually get motivated to get back to it. I'm sorry if this ends up a bit long, as I expect it too.
First off, I tend to gorge on sweets when stressed. I've tried to hold back as much as possible the last while, but I haven't kept track of my calories either because I didn't want to see it on paper, so to say. Running every day has taken a back seat the last two weeks too. We have a new puppy who tries to bite the ellipticals moving parts every time I try, lol.
Second, this is mostly about my son, who's 2½ years old and the light of my life. Almost exactly a year ago he was in the hospital for the better part of a week. Overnight he developed a rash over his entire body that started blistering. Huge blisters, the size of the palm of his hand, developed all over his hands, feet, and started on his arms. We were told everything those first two days. That he has a disease (whose horrific name I think I've forced myself to forget), basically we were told that his body was rejecting his skin and trying to get it off, life threatening. Then they decided that wasn't it, and it was Kawasaki disease, life threatening, then possibly other cancers, then they thought it was nothing. We were quarantined, the infectious disease specialist was brought in, and finally they decided it was a combination of Mono and an allergic reaction to penicillin. Blood work was done to confirm. Then we were given the run around for 4 weeks about the results. Turns out the hospital screwed up and send for the wrong tests, and used all the blood they had taken, so they had no answers. But by that time the rash was gone, we'd taken him to Disney where he was his perfect, happy, perky self, so we figured that was it.
2½ months ago he started getting fevers, every day. Usually low grade, 99.6 - 100.5. A few times a week he'd be 100.5 - 103. We were worried to say the least, but we didn't rush to the doctor the first month. He'd been prone to ear infections, and he couldn't get any medicine because of the assumed penicillin allergy. But they kept up, so when my daughter went in for her 6 month check-up, we started doing tests. The Dr. figured it was a UTI or kidney infection (he's got some bowel issues too, nothing serious, but the medicine for that makes him more prone to them). We did a urinalysis, figured that would be it, but it came back clean. We figured he was just fighting a bug, and let it go another month.
Still fevers, still every day, we were back to the hospital last night. Another urinalysis, blood-work, and a chest x-ray later, and we're starting to hear those same names again, mainly Kawasaki disease. It'll be a couple of days before we get the blood work results back, and I'm sitting here with him now trying to get another urine sample. At least we're at home though, my husband will take it to the hospital on his way to work.
I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. We're not telling much family. My Aunt is going to surgery next week for possible breast cancer, my grandpa is having some heart problems. Our cousin, only 26, just got some back news about the throat cancer she had at 21, my husband's aunt it waiting on results from a double biopsy, and his grandma was just told that she needs heart surgery.
On top of everything else, my husband suffers from severe depression. He was making great progress until last October when his father committed suicide, since then, not so good.
I can't talk to my friends. I've got a small, good group of them, but my husband works for my best friend's father's company, and he doesn't need questions about everything at work, and none of my friends are good at keeping secrets from the others. I didn't know where else to go. You all have been so supportive with working out, I was hoping you wouldn't mind me getting this out here too.
Hopefully I can get back into a grove, and find a healthier way to deal with all the stress right now
First off, I tend to gorge on sweets when stressed. I've tried to hold back as much as possible the last while, but I haven't kept track of my calories either because I didn't want to see it on paper, so to say. Running every day has taken a back seat the last two weeks too. We have a new puppy who tries to bite the ellipticals moving parts every time I try, lol.
Second, this is mostly about my son, who's 2½ years old and the light of my life. Almost exactly a year ago he was in the hospital for the better part of a week. Overnight he developed a rash over his entire body that started blistering. Huge blisters, the size of the palm of his hand, developed all over his hands, feet, and started on his arms. We were told everything those first two days. That he has a disease (whose horrific name I think I've forced myself to forget), basically we were told that his body was rejecting his skin and trying to get it off, life threatening. Then they decided that wasn't it, and it was Kawasaki disease, life threatening, then possibly other cancers, then they thought it was nothing. We were quarantined, the infectious disease specialist was brought in, and finally they decided it was a combination of Mono and an allergic reaction to penicillin. Blood work was done to confirm. Then we were given the run around for 4 weeks about the results. Turns out the hospital screwed up and send for the wrong tests, and used all the blood they had taken, so they had no answers. But by that time the rash was gone, we'd taken him to Disney where he was his perfect, happy, perky self, so we figured that was it.
2½ months ago he started getting fevers, every day. Usually low grade, 99.6 - 100.5. A few times a week he'd be 100.5 - 103. We were worried to say the least, but we didn't rush to the doctor the first month. He'd been prone to ear infections, and he couldn't get any medicine because of the assumed penicillin allergy. But they kept up, so when my daughter went in for her 6 month check-up, we started doing tests. The Dr. figured it was a UTI or kidney infection (he's got some bowel issues too, nothing serious, but the medicine for that makes him more prone to them). We did a urinalysis, figured that would be it, but it came back clean. We figured he was just fighting a bug, and let it go another month.
Still fevers, still every day, we were back to the hospital last night. Another urinalysis, blood-work, and a chest x-ray later, and we're starting to hear those same names again, mainly Kawasaki disease. It'll be a couple of days before we get the blood work results back, and I'm sitting here with him now trying to get another urine sample. At least we're at home though, my husband will take it to the hospital on his way to work.
I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. We're not telling much family. My Aunt is going to surgery next week for possible breast cancer, my grandpa is having some heart problems. Our cousin, only 26, just got some back news about the throat cancer she had at 21, my husband's aunt it waiting on results from a double biopsy, and his grandma was just told that she needs heart surgery.
On top of everything else, my husband suffers from severe depression. He was making great progress until last October when his father committed suicide, since then, not so good.
I can't talk to my friends. I've got a small, good group of them, but my husband works for my best friend's father's company, and he doesn't need questions about everything at work, and none of my friends are good at keeping secrets from the others. I didn't know where else to go. You all have been so supportive with working out, I was hoping you wouldn't mind me getting this out here too.
Hopefully I can get back into a grove, and find a healthier way to deal with all the stress right now
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Replies
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bless your heart!!!!! just having a sick child is stressful enough but add in the POTENTIAL seriousness of it makes it so much more stressful! Adding in sick relatives makes it worse!!! I beleive that it is wonderful that you are trying to be healthy! Keep it up, getting in control of your health will help some with the stress. Think of it this way, your kids need you to be strong and healthy for them! I know its so hard to be strong all the time but if you are strong physically then you will be more able to be stong mentally!! Keep us updated0
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So sorry to hear! That sounds difficult. Have you tried counseling? It might be a good way to get everything out to someone.0
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I remember my thirties as being one of the most stressful times of my life. I was in the middle of a divorce (out of a 14 year relationship with my college sweetheart that I just knew would be with me til "death do us part") with two young children, my daughter had several asthma attacks, I had asthma attacks, I was almost homeless, was jobless, and lost my beloved grandmother who was a major family support for me. At several points I felt like giving up and couldn't understand why God had abandoned me. At some point my mother told me to give myself a day or two to sit on my pity pot and then get up and get moving. That is what I did! Instead of wondering why God had abandoned me, I asked God to show me how to cope with all these things and to help me make it through. Today, I have two grown children, two great grandchildren, a very nice job, attend church on a regular basis, have a wonderful sense of self, and working on being more gorgeous than I've ever been before. Keep your head up, remember to take care of YOURSELF, reach out for family counseling (church is a good place) and remember that you can make it through!0
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sending prayers and hugs!0
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You have so much on your plate. Nothing is more heart rending and stressful than worrying about your precious children and the unknown makes it so much worse. I hope you get an answer to what is going on with your son.
With the eating - its very hard to change habits and NOT go back to bad things when you are super stressed. My only advice would be to try to take out the feelings on exercise whether than food. I know it sounds cliche' but I have been doing it for the better part of a year now and it works for me. If its really bad, I knock out an hour at the gym then drive around when some really loud music for awhile before I go back home and deal with my three kiddos and hubby.
Best of luck and I hope you get some good news.0 -
Did the doctor do a quick urinalysis or a 30-hour?
My daughter had similar symptoms when she was 5 and the quick test showed nothing, the 30-hour showed a UTI.
That obviously may not be what it is, but make sure they have done that test before they do anything else.0 -
oscarkat...is you would like to talk, just message me and I will give you my phone #.
God Bless!0 -
It sounds like you really need to take a little "me" time and get the excersize in that you need.
It will give you time to clear your head and believe that everything will be okay.
Whether you are religious or not, you have to have faith.
A little time for yourself out running or working out will give you the time to restore your personal faith that everything will be okay.
When you get home, a little of that positive attitude may help your family as well.
Just a thought,
- Bill0 -
I had a thought about your son and his maladies. Have you checked into celiac disease, which is the body not tolerating gluten? I read a book once about a little girl who had it and none of the doctors could figure out what the problem was. It might help in all the stress you are dealing with and ease some of the pain. Good luck.
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If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. He knows the reasons why He is putting so much on your plate, and is the only one that knows. Don't give up. Pray more. Love more. And then, pray again. What you did by venting out your frustrations on this site is a great healing process. If you have faith that there is a purpose for all of this madness going on in your life, you will be able to deal with it better. Don't be afraid to ask for God's help either.0
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I'm so sorry! IMO, vent to us as often as you need. Few things are as stressful as an ill child. Hang in there and take care of yourself as best as you can.0
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I'm praying for you & your family...you should do the same, prayer works... it changes things. If you're already praying continue to do so. Hang in there and count your blessings that you do have.0
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Bless your heart! I don't have anything to help make the stress, worry, or frustration go away. But I wish that I did. I am here if you ever want to vent again.0
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Oh my word. I wish I could just hug you. That is so so so much. If you want to FR me and you can message me anytime. I have never dealt with as much as you have but my youngest has had some serious issues and hospital stays and my mom has had cancer twice, etc. So, I somewhat understand the stresses those things put on your life. I would be more than happy to let you vent all day. ((Hugs))0
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So sorry to hear! That sounds difficult. Have you tried counseling? It might be a good way to get everything out to someone.
I agree. Therapists can be a great resource to help sort out emotions and put things into perspective. You are going through a really rough time and sometimes having a meeting with a therapist once or twice a week helps keeps u sane. Your husband should also go see one. Depression is no joke and being that his father committed suicide, it would be a good idea if he stays close to a therapist. My mom suffers from depression and she almost tried to commit suicide once.. Ended up spitting out the pills but we could of lost her that day. Your son needs two strong parents and if a therapist can help, then do it! I hope everything gets better and your son is ok. I don't know if you are religious and I won't push it on you but I know church gives me hope. I'll pray for you and your family ! Good luck! If you need to talk, feel free to friend me!0 -
Thinking of you & your family. Horribly stressful. Wish I had great advice.0
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Sometimes venting to someone unconnected to the rest of your life does feel good.
If you ever need to vent - you can add me as a friend & message me.
We all know that Dr.s don't know everything... but I hate it when they try to hide that fact. My daughter had a mystery illness - hallucinations & no fever... freaky.... they gave up when she got better...
What I think of in reading your letter is that you are carrying sooooooo much. Your husbands depression - God love him - actually adds to it. Most of it - you don't control.... only a little of it can you help with.
Here's a couple of thoughts from this sweets during stress kind of gal... If I give in to sweets during stress it makes my emotions chaotic with the rise/fall of the blood sugar ---- repeat this like a mantra --- (stress+sugar is like diarrhea +ex-lax it just makes the problem worse) Have a grapefruit in your bag all the time... eat it when you are stressed/upset. For me its a bag of baby carrots - the crunch helps me deal with the stress and it actually is full of good sugars that DO give me a boost but don't tank my emotions. Good food can be quick too.
When I do this sugar+ stress thing its almost like i'm giving myself an "out" from actually getting through the problem - -- kind of like an alcoholic would self-dose. Your health - mental, emotional, physical - ARE actually in your control- don't give that up. You may not have time to do a lot of other things for your health - but you do have time to NOT eat sweets.
Having said that... if you make this a succeed/ fail thing in your mind you will be adding to your stress load. For me it works best if I have a little talk with myself like - "Hey you're not that girl anymore. You don't need sweets - you know it is not your friend. Get the baby carrots and take the stress out on them!! Next time don't get fooled by sugar."
I'm sorry thingsare so tough right now. That lovely little boy is worth it all. It's hard to be the strong one - but you be that strong one for him.0 -
Thank you all so much for the support, and the recommendations / ideas. Counseling is definitly something I'm trying to figure out, I'm just having a hard time finding time. We live a bit outside of a city, so it's at least a 30 minute drive each way to an office, and I'm a stay at home mom with the kids. My husband isn't home before 7pm most nights, and money is just too tight for a baby sitter right now for me to go during the day. Family all lives an hour plus away from us too, and they all work.
I know I'll get through it, I know my son will get through it because no matter what it is, I won't give him any other option
Thank you all for letting me throw a bit of a pity party today though, I really needed to just get everything out and have people tell me that yes, it does all suck, and yes, it is a lot of crap all piled on at once. It's nice to know that I'm not crazy in thinking that I've got a lot to deal with right now.
When the kids nap today, I'm going to force myself to give the elliptical a run for it's money. A nice, angry run may be just what I need today.
Thanks again everyone! I'm off to play with the kids for a while.
EDIT: I just figured I'd throw in an edit - my husband is in counseling and watched closely by a dr as it was fairly worrisome in the past. I haven't laid much of what I'm feeling on him because I think he has enough on his plate, though I know he knows that I'm worried.0 -
(((HUGS))) momma!!! you have so much going on in your life right now. i agree with others that have posted you need someone to talk to. if you don't have a good friend that can lend a quiet and supportive ear, then maybe someone from church? or a family counselor. someone just to talk some of this out with.
talking to family can make things more stressful. and it sounds like you all have way more stress than you need already. i would see if one of your girlfriends was willing to make some serious time for you and just ask her to listen and let you vent. THEN if she has supportive things to say she can say them. sometimes just TALKING can do us a world of good!! maybe you could ask a friend for a walking date or to join you for a work out class. something just to get your mind off of as much as you can.
as for the docs. remember, they are working FOR YOU. not the other way around. if you feel like you aren't getting enough info and answers, call their office and tell them you want to come in and be brought up to date. ask questions. demand to know what things mean.
sometimes staph infections can present like the rash you are talking about. if you have any means to get him to an actual specialist it might be worth it. long term fevers are often associated with lyme. has he been tested for that?
as for your husband. is he currently in counseling? ( i can't remember from reading) if he isn't he needs to be. you cannot handle all of this on your own while he spirals down. it's not fair to any of you. hubby, son, or you!!!
more hugs momma ((HUGS))!!!!!0 -
I am so sorry to hear everything that is wrong, know that you can vent hear nonetheless find others with the same stresses regarding eating habits. I binge eat and have night eating syndrome and if I even encounter stress I hide away and eat. But the worst part is I will never be relieved from stress. The workout part of my day, the one or two hours I demand, and yes I demand it, makes me find focus in all things not just dieting. You need the angry run as you so put it. Stay positive on all that you do, you will climb out of this pit, you will survive, you will succeed..your little ones and your husband will be well because you are that crutch that holds them up, eventually at the end of the rocky rainy road is sunshine, grace and all his glory for you to bask in...Peace, Love and Blessings.0
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I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I can only imagine the stress it is having a child you do not what is wrong with him....on top of everything else.
I will keep your family in my prayers and hope everything resolves itself soon0 -
Well bless your soul... you have had a tough road and you are still out running on it... talk about a trooper... I do not know you but I know I am prouod just to have known you enough to read your blog post.
You obviously have strength beyond your own knowledge and will do just fine... Please feel free to send me a friend request and vent or shout or just for encouragement whenever you need it...
I can not imagine the stress of having all of this resting on your shoulders with your son and your husband both being ill at the same time... I will send prayers for you on that front... Good Luck 0 -
I'm sorry for your struggles. Please, please, please seek counciling NOW. With your husband as well. We all need help every once in a while and what you're family is going through is more than tramatic. Get to therapy. There is NO SHAME in askng for help. God bless and good luck.0
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Alot of time just writing it down or typing it like you did on here helps so much. Maybe you should start a blog on here & when you need to vent or need encouragement you can put all of your feelings into what you write. Then we can all help you through these stressful times. Doctors sometimes say to keep a journal to get it all out & maybe a blog would really help you just let it all out. Just a thought. I wish you the best. 0
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HUGS AND PRAYERS SENT TO YOU!!! Wish I had more to offer but just keep the faith!!0
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Message me if you need to -- I prayed for you.0
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