When significant other doesn't follow your healthy lifestyle

jkb1129

Hi everyone,

I've always been a pretty healthy eater and enjoy physical activity. Recently, especially since joining MFP, I've really been getting serious about eating as clean as possible and working out 5-6 days a week. However, my spouse is not interested AT ALL in following my footsteps. In fact, many times we eat completely different meals because he prefers pizza or hot pockets (ew) to my salad or veggie chili. I'm not a vegetarian but do eat vegetarian meals quite often. Sadly (for me), a meal containing quinoa and kale is just never going to cut it for my hubby.

While we make it work despite our different eating habits, I'm curious to know if others are facing similar situations and what YOU do to make it work. I do my best to make all of our shared meals as healthy as possible, but I'll just never get him to fully come over to "my side." Believe me, I've tried! Looking forward to hearing your insights.

runnercheryl

My fiance is morbidly obese and not interested in being healthy. We have one separate meal a week where he can really indulge, and where I can eat the foods I want for variety (anything from a pizza to fish, to vegetarian burgers to a stir fry), and we've made compromises elsewhere. We have skinless chicken fillets and I can have potatoes and veg, and he can have chips if he likes. We also have spaghetti bolognese but I have turkey mince and he uses beef. He cooks everything, but he weighs things out for me and is always happy to make adjustments.
Breakfasts and lunches are just entirely separate anyway.

cardbucfan

That would be my household too. I'm in charge of cooking and shopping so for the most part we eat healthy, homemade stuff. But, I'm not a vegetarian and don't eat low carb or extremely clean. I'm in the moderation camp of eating. Breakfast and lunch are on our own anyway and for dinner I make healthier versions of the stuff we've always eaten (substituting ground turkey for ground beef for example). I buy stuff that I don't like but that they love (puffy cheetos for example) so it's not an issue for me to have them in the house. Every weekend he goes and gets doughnuts because he knows I won't get them and after a year and a half of this, he finally gets that I don't want any although he still offers. I work out for the most part when he's at work so it doesn't affect our family time together.

VWbaker

My Darling BF is one of those lucky folks who can eat nothing but junk food and still be thin and lean. However, he is supportive of my new habits and has no problem getting "healthier" so long as I don't take away his chips & Reese's Peanut Butter cups!

I do all the cooking, and I know the four veggies he'll eat, so I use allot of broccoli, string beans, and salad (as long as it's not the "kind that tastes like the lawn" - his quote) and some corn on occasion.

I like to experiment in the kitchen so I've found that I can sub allot of his favorite high-calorie items with lower fat ingredients. In fact I just made pizza the other night using Pillsbury thin crust dough, fresh herbs, garlic, low cal tomato sauce, turkey pepperoni, roasted chicken, and low-fat part-skim mozzarella cheese. He LOVED it! In fact he asked if it was OK for me to eat it on my diet. I laughed and told him yep, it's allot lower in calories and fat then you think! He was surprised, said if I can make low cal meals that taste that good he'll have no problem with eating the same as me all the time.

The other advise I have is, go ahead and have some of his favorites sometimes, just make sure you adjust to the proper serving size for you. Many times my BF will eat nothing all day, so he'll have 2 or 3 servings of diner, and I keep myself to one. It works well. (EXCEPT for last night, when the Arby's sign called out to us and I went overboard. Who knew that a sandwich and a reg size shake could equally my daily intake! I do now! Yikes! Wont be making that mistake again!)

Hope this helps. Feel free to friend me and we can continue to share advise (and occasional frustrations).

Clarecbear82

My other half is morbidly obese and doesn't want to change but as we have three children and a tight budget we have to meet in the middle really. So we tend to eat nearly the same (he has bigger portions) and he has his sweets but not as many. It's made him lose weight without realising it which is good but it can be a difficult balancing act lol

jkb1129

My Darling BF is one of those lucky folks who can eat nothing but junk food and still be thin and lean. However, he is supportive of my new habits and has no problem getting "healthier" so long as I don't take away his chips & Reese's Peanut Butter cups!

That is how my husband is, which is part of the reason why he doesn't think he should worry about his eating habits. But he's 29 - his metabolism will slow down eventually!

Thanks all for responding - if nothing else, it's good to know there are others who share a similar situation without it causing major issues. I'd love to also hear any healthy recipes you have (like the pizza one) that taste good enough for the non-healthy eaters to enjoy. Here's one for turkey chili that we both like - sometimes I substitute lean ground beef. Great way for me to sneak in veggies. :happy:

http://www.hungry-girl.com/show/movie-night-ez-as-1-2-3-alarm-turkey-chili-recipe

Robin1117

Well, it took my husband a year and a half of me being on this program to actually start listening. But, it had to come from within him, not me.

He was never terrible--I always cook meals that are healthy, it is just a matter of portion control. Mine, a certain amount, his, big. If I didn't have enough calories left in my allotment, I might have the couscous and veggies for my main meal, and he'd have it for the side dish, with steak or chicken......so it was never an issue about at least having some of the meal the same, I just measured mine out. Then every night at like 10 pm he would have a snack containing some kind of seeds, chocolate chips and dried fruit. I'm guessing it was 600-700 calories. Of course, no exercise either. One day, finally, he came home from a business trip and mentioned he read an article in Atlantic while on a flight, it was all about Obesity, and he was able to see where he landed on the scale. He came home and said "So, what is the website you are using???" Then I downloaded the app, and helped him lose 15-20 lbs. Much of the time I plugged in his dinners, but he quickly liked the app and learned how to do it for himself, was pretty great at it for 4-5 months, and was enlightened by the whole process.

Well, he hasn't been quite the maintainer that I am, and has gained quite a bit of weight back. But it really taught him something....he knows how to do it when the he feels the time is right once again. And, he now at least exercises a few days a week.....

I just continue to conquer new fitness goals and try to look the best I can, and have the best foods in the house I can so at least when he eats too much, it's on whole foods, not processed stuff. I'll just be there for him when he returns. I sometimes get mad at myself if I cave in and say something disparaging to him. Like the other night I asked him if I didn't make enough dinner because he's always hungry a few hrs. later. I know it's just habit that he eats then, he really can't be hungry. Anyway, again, I have to remind myself, I can lead by example but it'll have to be him, not me that takes the step to make changes.

Good luck with everything....with patience, maybe he'll come around to your way of thinking!

zephyrionitis

My lovely SO is a member of the bacon-of-the-month club. Kid you not. I'm a vegetarian, I work out 6 days a week, go hiking etc. He can subsist off Mtn. Dew, Bacon, and Taco Bell. Granted, he's an ASM, so he does get a bit of a workout, and manages to stay pretty lean. But going out to dinner or cooking together is always a bit of a hassle.
However, we got over the hitch of making separate dishes for ourselves.

scubagoil

My BF loves to eat processed junk food and I have a gluten allergy, so we almost always eat separate meals. If I happen to be making something he would eat, I always ask if he wants some, but usually he will choose some horribly unhealthy meal for himself.

I was always complaining that he was pushing my fruits and veggies (with very short shelf life) to the back of the refrigerator to make room for his preservative filled garbage that could probably last for years. My stuff kept going bad because I would not see it and forget I had it. We solved that problem by buying another refrigerator - now we have his and hers and I can always see my veggies!