Anyone else have problems with SO when weight lost?

casval75

I don't have a problem with negativity so much, but it's the "please don't lose your butt" that makes me laugh!

ahealthy4u

First I would explain to your SO that the choices and routine you have now is here to stay and he either needs to get on board and drop the negativity or STFU and get out! haha

Seriously though, it's often the people who care about you most that can sabotage you - whether they realize it or not, they fear the change and the unknown. It's also possible that he harbors resentment around your healthy choices and his own fitness/health shortcomings.

If he is important enough to you, you should have an open and honest discussion with him about how his actions make you feel and explain some of the same points you made in your post.

In the end if he can't offer support to you around your new lifestyle and you have given him a chance to change his behavior towards you, you might need to seriously consider moving on. There are plenty of people out there who applaud and admire your dedication to living a long and healthy life.

I agree and I have a simlar issue but I have come to deal with it I just figure if they don't want on board with me that is their issue not mine my family thinks it is great that I am losing and all but when it comes done to me trying to help them or explain it they don't want to listen or they say we are just cursed from both sides of the family we are to fat or we have the fat gene. Then on the other hand my SO he gets that he needs to eat healthy but choose's not to . I have esplained that I get he needs to gain weight not lose it but you have to eat healthy to be healthy. I just shrug and go about doing what I need to do for myself. Sooner or later they will come around.

jamiesadler

He should be very supportive and willing to help you out in any way that he can. My hubby will help me with my meal plan, protein supplements, he even massages my muscles fro me after a strenuous work out. If he cant come on board with your new life style and the changes you have made and he wont 'allow' you to openly talk about your success and plans it may be time to tell him he needs to accept it or go.

kit_katty

I totallly hear you, I have not talked about it with him since before xmas, Its just if we go out for something to eat or if I go out for a run then he gets irritated...... Its not like Im constantly updating him every time I step on the scales.... I dont even tell him i'm going on mfp to log my calories-if Im on the phone doing it and he sees im on mfp then that irritates him, if he doesnt see me then its ok..... if we go out for a meal and I pick something healthy or dont want a pudding then that irritates him. I dont constantly push my diet/exercise down his throat..... xxx

I think you need to get to the heart of why it's bothering him so much. You're not shoving it down his throat, you're just being health conscious. And as you said, this is permanent, he has to calm down or you two have serious issues. I couldn't imagine being with someone who would get annoyed at healthy choices and my health routine. Good luck!

Linbo93

perhaps the thinner you get the more worried he has to be about someone stepping in and stealing you! you were both overweight at one time and that is comfortable...but if you start looking better and he stays the same someone else might be checking you out and that woories him......maybe?

I would have to agree with this! I've seen this before with other people in relationships going through weight loss alone. In my experience, the SO who is still overweight feels threatened by your success. In my friends case, he was afraid she would want to leave him, now that she was skinnier/healthier. He was behaving pretty much the same way as you describe, resentful of her success, actively trying to get her to stop her efforts, and it was all because he was afraid of the change. He was afraid the relationship was going to fall apart because they no longer had their weight/lifestyle in common.

Jweb8969

this is interesting, bcuz i have just begun to encounter this with my DH of 17 years. i have been on MFP for 40 days and i've lost 22 pounds. i've been talking about the whole process the entire time, but last night when we went to dinner, i was inputting what i was going to eat (before we even left the house - haha) so i would be accountable for it and he began teasing me "oh boy - can you only have two leaves of lettuce . . . etc." i wondered at that moment if it was going to become "a thing", but i am hoping he was only kidding. for us, i do think it might have something to do with the fact that i have *said* i was changing before and didn't commit - but this time i am actually doing it!!

i guess if he does tease me again, we'll have to have *the talk* bcuz i am definitely determined to reach and maintain a healthy weight this time. good luck to you. and if your BF doesn't like it, maybe he's not the one for you! keep up your great work, girl!

mohawk1971

I get the same occasionally from my SO and step kids. I guess it will eventually tamper completely away though as they see its a lifestyle change i have made.

Fight through the BS.

AmoreCouture

I agree that he is insecure with his own self as he sees your changes which is causing him to be jealous and bitter toward you. I think he is trying to drive you to quit so you can go back to indulging with him so he won't feel insecure about himself anymore. I doubt he believed you would continue with this. He probably thought this would just be temporary then you would go back. As far as your personality change, he is seeing your awareness, diligence, and self-discipline with food and exercise that you once didn't have, but he still does, and it annoys him.

worej

It could be that when you led an unhealthier lifestyle, he was able to validate his own. Ordering takeaway several times a week, eating junk and seldom exercising doesn't seem as bad when there's someone with you doing the same thing. Now that you're eating better, paying attention to your health and exercising regularly, it could be that he thinks you're making him look bad and he's finding it harder to justify his own lifestyle decisions. Rather than make some healthy decisions himself, he chooses to take this out on you.

This was my first reaction. The people who tell me I "never needed to lose weight in the first place" and am "already too skinny" (yeah right) are the same people who want to go get ice cream and drink a ton and eat fried Chinese food and such. If I refuse to do those things with them like I used to, they have to think about why I am choosing not to, and perhaps think about their own choices.

My boyfriend has always been in great shape, but I have noticed that when I say I'll be late because I want to go to the gym first, or something like that, I notice he makes an extra effort himself, too. There's definitely a little unspoken pressure, or at least loss of justification.

MissJenn33

I am right there with you. My husband is the same way. He doesn't want to see me logging my food, he HATES that I post here about fitness & nutrition. I am also doing a 90 Day challenge with my boys' karate school. He HATES that I weigh in once a week, that I track my food, that I eat different foods than he eats....etc etc etc.

Basically as long as I don't rub it in his face and talk about it and "obsess" he'll tolerate it but he doesnt like it. I just keep it to myself and get my support elsewhere. It totally sucks but it's my reality and I have to deal with it. His negetivity isn't going to stop me from reaching my goal.

lorenzoinlr

Assuming this isn't because you obsess or won't allow him to live his life the way he chooses, which at least from what you wrote doesn't seem to be the case, I have something a little harsher to say than the others. For one to be an SO and not just an O, they need to support you in your pursuit of your goals, particularly if they involve your health and happiness. And you're entitled to an SO not just an O.

I understand misery loves company, I also comprehend the fear of losing someone who might be getting more attractive but you might remind him what it means to be an SO and not an O.He seems to be legitimizing his shortcomings by trying to drag you down. At this stage of my life I won't accept that as I believe it's important to love thyself and those in my life who aren't supportive don't further that.

Rosered3333

My husband actually supports my attempts to lose weight and he acknowledges that he needs to be healthier too. I've tried repeatedly to encourage him to start exercising again and I try to not keep unhealthy food in the house.

I know that when I eat healthier, my husband does too. And when he makes poor nutrition choices, I still try to make healthy ones and sometimes we come into conflict over it. He knows that he should be making better choices and my healthy choices make him feel guilty for making bad ones.

As for your boyfriend, it sounds like he is taking your healthier lifestyle choices personally. My guess is that he's afraid that if you lose all of the weight and become a healthier person that you'll want to lose him too and his insecurity is dictating his behavior towards you. This is his problem and if he can't figure out how to support you in your journey to a better you (that sounded less corny in my head) then you're going to have to make the hard decision.

Good luck!

ednawhatnot

So sorry to hear you've postponed the wedding Emma, especially as that was a main factor for changing your lifestyle to start with. If you've always looked a certain way, people (especially those close to you) are used to that and can be unsettled by the change. Maybe he is a bit worried about being left behind or threatened by the increased confidence that your weight loss has given you. As another poster said, he might feel a failure himself for not sticking with it and losing more. Whatever the reason, I'm sure you'll work it out. You seem like a strong couple and a great family unit. Is there some exercise you could do with Rik and/or the kids so that he doesn't feel excluded?

One thing I will say is that you look slimmer, healthier and more confident than in all the years I've known you. Your success is a big inspiration to me and thinking about how well you've done helps to keep me on track. You've come way too far to let it slide now. Well done Bird xx