Starting to get extremely unhealthy relationship with food..

Sofithomas

Urgh these past two months have been going so so well, looking fitter than ever loving my healthy lifestyle until these past two weeks...this week is the anniversary of my sisters death and this has really, really affected me and I have turned to food for comfort....some days I am fine, however the past three days I have gone over my calories and today I had a massive binge, as if I was in a trance. iused to self harm a lot when I was greiving for my sister but obviously I don't want to return to that except I ate about 2.8k cals today then took laxatives to get rid of it all as I felt SO guilty and horrible....I can only see food as either an enemy, as something that shouldn't be consumed for fear of weight gain or a comfort blanket in my time of need, for example today I ate SO much brown bread and jam purely because my sister and I used to have it every morning together and it just felt like I connected wth her for once and felt so sad...I know I will gain weight and get even more miserable I don't know why i do this to myself I can't just stop And I guarantee I will starve myself for two days then the cycle will start again...I was fine before but snce the annviversarys been looming my attitude to healthy living and been completely out turned...and I did so well...:'(

UponThisRock

I recommend getting yourself some professional help.

Sofithomas

I recommend getting yourself some professional help.

I've seen about 3 counsellors in regards to this but they haven't really helped and/or my parents have brushed it off as a teenage phase/concern with food so I don't know who to really turn to I might try and see my school counsellor without them knowing as I know it would upset/stress them especially during this time

TiffaniBarrett

I agree with Upon.. You should look to get some help. Some specialist massage/yoga/healthy mind places do relationship with food seminars - that may help you if you don't want to go to your doctors.

xx

beccala18

First off, I'm sorry about your loss. It's hard losing family, especially if you were close. Second, I suggest going to talk to a grief counselor or another professional that can help you work through these issues. From how you describe them, it seems like an ongoing struggle for you that is not going away. In the meantime, try taking some long walks or doing an exercise class - they might help burn off a few extra calories, and sometimes they help you sort through mental issues.

Sofithomas

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful words, everyone, I think I will try get some help from my school counsellor....yoga really does help, I do bikram which is amazing but have neglecte dit for the past fortnight which I think might be partially why I am not as mentally zenned out (lol) as I usually am....does anybody have any tips to control/stop a binge? I'm lucky at my age I have a fairly adept metabolism but I can't count on it forever and I envision I may have this proble, for a loooong time

susannamarie

Oh, you're still in high school?

The counselor might help ... also really, it sucks about your parents, not listening to you/believing in you ... but they probably can't face it at this point what with going through their own grieving process ... so even though it feels like they're brushing you off ... that's probably why.

Also ... when you're feeling the urge for food to connect with your sister ... is there any other activity that you used to do together that you could substitute? a musical instrument, scrapbooking, something like that?

Sofithomas

Oh, you're still in high school?

The counselor might help ... also really, it sucks about your parents, not listening to you/believing in you ... but they probably can't face it at this point what with going through their own grieving process ... so even though it feels like they're brushing you off ... that's probably why.

Also ... when you're feeling the urge for food to connect with your sister ... is there any other activity that you used to do together that you could substitute? a musical instrument, scrapbooking, something like that?

Yep, last year, which is why its so difficult as well because none of my friends have (thankfully for them) gone through a death so they can't really relate to me so I feel even more isolated :S

No I don't blame them at all, plus I do't really want to burden them with all this crazy stuff in my head when they've had enough trauma in their lifes :P Haha!

Actually there is, she used to love love spanish (she did it at uni) and I'm doing it as well so I could just do some extra spanish homework or something like that to relate to her/remember her.

Literally just before this I was fine...I workout EVERYDAY because I love it, it keeps me fit and I feel so good from it and makes me stronger...today has been the first time in a LONG time that I have actively decided of my own accord not to go to the gym...ormally my mum forces me to take a rest day purey because she doesn't want me worn out lol

susannamarie

I have been thinking about your thread. I hope you are doing okay.

OneSchrutebuck

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be to lose a sibling at such a young age. I really think that you should try to talk to your parents again and tell them that you NEED to see a grief counselor of some sort. I know that you don't want to burden them, but I highly doubt they would see it as a burden. But if 2 years from now your unhealthy relationship with food has continued and put you into a darker place, I promise you that they will be wracked with guilt about it and wishing they had known/been able to help you.

I think using something else that makes you feel close to her is a great idea. For me, writing has always helped. During those times that I feel the lowest I write that person a letter. I tend to cry my eyes out at the same time, but it helps me get the things out of my head and onto paper. Then I feel a bit more in control of things. I wish you nothing but the best, hang in there!!

41degsouth

So sorry to hear about your loss.

This week is going to be a tough time, so why not revise your goals a little. The first thing you might want to do is to set your MFP settings to "maintain current weight", just for this week. That gives you a little more room in your target and you can still know that if you meet that total target for the week, you haven't gained any weight! Putting off any planned weight loss for a week doesn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things.

The biggest factor in a binge is that people feel like they have blown everything, feel despondent, and that pushes them further in the direction of giving up. Actually, while 2,800 calories might seem like a huge number, let's think about what that actually represents.Your diary shows that your daily goal is 1,680 before exercise. What we don't know obviously is whether your target is set to maintain current weight, or to lose 1/2 a pound a week. Lets assume the worst case—you're set on weight maintenance. That means your binge was only actually 1,020 calories more than you needed for the day. Most MFP users are set to loose 1/2 a pound a week, which is a 500 calorie deficit. So you could entirely recover from this binge based on only *two days* of the lowest weight loss setting on MFP. And if you've already got a deficit of 500 built into your target, you were only 520 calories over your weight maintenance target and the very next day you meet target, you've compensated for that binge day.

When you can see a binge (or even a part-binge) as a lapse, rather than a relapse, you won't over-react. The typical reaction of people is to over-react however, and saying that they've "blown it all" they then proceed to continue to over-eat, feeling like they have "lost control". In fact, if you just say "that was a lapse, I wish it didn't happen, but today will be different, and it won't take long to recover, you'll actually find that you can much more easily get right back on track, and feel more resilient next time.

Finally, the Spanish. That sounds perfect. But don't just do more Spanish homework. Write your sister a letter... in Spanish. Try and make it as deep and wide and good as you can... really stretch your Spanish capabilities. Learn new words and expressions in Spanish to be able to tell her what you want to say to her. You'll feel doubly close to her, and at the end of the process your Spanish will be so much stronger, and that in itself will strengthen that sense of having made your special connection even stronger.

Just a few thoughts. Hope this is useful.

babsbabe

I am terribly sorry that you are going through this. Maybe you could find another way to connect with your sister and lift your spirits at the same time. You mentioned that she loved Spanish. Do you think listening to Spanish music could help? You could go to a website like Pandora or Grooveshark and stream some upbeat music online. One simple thing that I do to keep myself from eating food as night is just to chew sugar free gum. Have you ever tried that? If those things don't work, anything that keeps your hands busy might do the trick. I hope it helps & good luck to you.

amyy902

i have exactly the same problem (except mines my dad not my sister). i wish i had answers to help but i dont. sop i feel like im useless to you in this post. try not to use laxatives, if you're gunna try purge it out, do an exercise binge... xx

GauchoMark

Sorry about your loss. It must be tough to deal with, especially at a young age. I can't imagine.

There have been some good suggestions, but I have a question. You were saying that you could relate with your sister through food, but how did she feel about your weight loss and healthy lifestyle? Was she proud of you for changing your habits and being strong enough to stay focused? I know that my family is very proud of me even though most of them are overweight themselves. They understand what a commitment it takes and how hard it really can be. Maybe you can use this as motivation to stay healthy. Whether she told you or not, I bet she admired you for improving yourself. I bet she would still want you to be healthy now, too.

I hope you get it worked out.

seebeachrun

Why can't you talk about this with your family? Everyone in your family is grieving in one way or another and you all need the extra help if even one person feels they are not fully over your sister's death. I strongly suggest family counseling, specifically grief counseling if you can find it. Seeing a counselor is not being weak, it's being smart enough to realize when you need the help and sometimes a moderator is needed to open the lines of communication between family members.

If you don't deal with it now you will inevitably have to deal with it in the future over and over again. In my job I see families over and over that didn't deal with the grief of losing a family member (especially a sibling or child) and it severely affects the family's ability to function normally. Sadly, by the time I am involved family services is usually removing another child or family member from the family because things have gotten so bad. Then the family has to commit to court ordered counseling and sometimes substance abuse treatment in order to get their family member back home (and many cannot deal with reopening the wounds and choose not to complete treatment and end up losing their family members to the system and/or substance abuse.)

*Binging is a type of addiction that can be treated through counseling. It is also a gateway to other addictions such as alcohol abuse.

Caniacgirl59

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how alone all of this must make you feel, but please just know you are not alone. There are many people who really "get" that unhealthy relationship with food and guilt feeling after a binge, myself included. Please just remember to be kind to yourself during this time. Try to imagine how you would treat a friend going through this, and treat yourself that way. If a binge happens, it's not the end, it doesn't take away the progress you've made, and it definitely doesn't have to be something you can't overcome. For me, beating myself up about it, or talking down to myself in my head, only made it worse. There were a lot of good suggestions on here, like writing your sister, yoga, or talking to your counselor. A friend asked me once "if a child ate too much cake, would you yell at them and say horrible things to them? Would you try to make them feel guilty about it?" The answer is, of course not. The same goes for myself. If I eat too much, or go on a binge, why torment myself and make it worse? What I CAN do, is try to be better prepared for next time. Have a healthy alternative in mind in case an urge to binge comes up. And even though your friends may not be able to relate to what you are exactly going through, maybe they would just be willing to listen, and let you talk. Journaling can be very powerful as well to get your thoughts out. Sometimes just getting them out of your head and onto paper helps to set them free. Keep reaching out, and talking to those who support and care about you. You are not alone, and most importantly, please please take care of YOU during this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.