For those of you with children - taking off work for kids

Laceylala

I want to "poll" the MFP population to see what their view point is in regards to parents taking time off work when children are sick, have doctors appointments, school holidays, etc. For my husband and I we have no family here and it has been hard to find a sitter for our daughter so it is basically up to us to do it all. Tomorrow my daughters school is closed and we had discussed for over a week now my husband calling in sick to take care of her - telling them that we have no babysitter. That I couldn't take any more time off work, I was already negative in both vacation and sick hours...and that I would be taking three hours of work Monday to take her to the her doctor appointment in the middle of the day. Then I get a call sayiing that for a variety of reasons his work cannot let him have the day off. I get it, but come on. To me it feels like he is copping out. Again.

I would say that 98% of the time I take the time off or take her to work with me. It seems to not even be an option for my husband to do it, he hates asking for the time off for these instances. This is becoming an issue for me because I feel like I have to do it all with no help in this one regard and I find it more and more frustrating. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, that isn't an issue, I like to spend time with her, but I also have to work to pay the bills and to me it seems fair to split these days up as much as possible. And if you look at it from a money point of view, I make much more...so yeah.


So my question is this: do you guys, men or women, feel that in the work place it is much harder for a man to take off time for their children than it is for women? To me this seems to be a gender issue arising, because if any of the women at his work had to do it, it would be more accepted. Obviously he and I have some issues to work out here, but I want to know how you guys do it, and how do you find this to be where you live? How is it accepted in your work place?

SueInAz

I was like you, it was usually me taking the time off. However, at the time, my husband made more money and I actually had a sick bank for taking care of family (incredible, right?!?).

My son is now grown, but at my current job I know two men who take turns with their wives. I'll hear "My daughter has the flu and it's my turn to stay home sick tomorrow." These guys are engineers earning 6 figure salaries and they still know that these kinds of things should be a 50/50 proposition. You need to sit down and have this discussion with your husband. Either he needs to start pulling his share or you need to find someone who you can pay, and trust, to stay with your kids when they are sick. Ask him what he wants to give up, the money to buy something fun or his time at work.

hbrittingham

It was always me taking time off for my son when he was sick or had appointments. My husband never did.

OFFMYBUTT

For my wife and I it depends on what is happening at work. I am in business development/proposal writting and if I am in the middle of a proposal effort my wife will take the time off. If I don't have anything pressing at work I will take it off. It usually works out to a 60/40 split with myself taking more time off, because I typically have more PTO available than my wife. I also have family less than a mile away so if push came to shove my son goes to my parents, my dad is retired. It takes a lot of coordination.

LauraMacNCheese

When I was married, my mother-in-law actually lived with us as sort of like a nanny. So, my ex & I really only had to worry about doc appts & such. And for those appts, it was always me who took them.

My ex works for his best friend now; so whenever the kids are off, are sick, have doc/dentist appts, or whatever, he takes them. I don't get child support because he's perpetually broke; but at least I don't have to miss time off work (because I don't get paid if I'm not here for sick days & such). I did take the time off when my son had his tonsils removed; both of his ear tube surgeries and when he had to have 2 teeth pulled. My daughter, thankfully, hasn't had any issues like these. But if, God forbid, she does then I will happily take the time off with or without pay to be with her.