"You need to stop losing weight" ... URGH!!!!!!!!!

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13

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  • angimac
    angimac Posts: 145 Member
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    Thank you for your responses thus far everyone.

    My husband has become supportive, and has even started utilizing this site. It isn't everyone in my life, but just in the past couple of days, I've had people that are supposed to be very close to me who have said things, some obviously meant to be hurtful and some that weren't so obvious, that were very disheartening.

    Thanks for the support. I love this site
  • luhluhlaura
    luhluhlaura Posts: 278 Member
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    First of all: YAY for being overweight!! Congrats!! Over 100 pounds--You deserve to feel proud of yourself.

    And trust me, I know the feeling :(
    I often feel that my mom (unconsciously) tries to to sabotage me because she's overweight and unhappy with herself.
    I think that's always behind of the negative comments--jealousy and/or insecurity.

    Just remember you're a sensible person, and you're doing what's right for you and your happiness! :)
  • peacefulsong
    peacefulsong Posts: 223 Member
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    When I lost my first sixty pounds a few years ago, I remember my mother saying something along the lines of how she couldn't handle me being smaller than her. She said it jokingly, but I think she was serious too because she started losing weight not long after. I stopped losing for a few years, and she has too, but she's about the same weight difference from me now as she was then. I know my mom will be happy for me when I lose the rest of my weight, but I also think it'll be hard for her to wrap her head around the idea that I'm not bigger than her anymore, because I have been for pretty much all my adult life.

    I think a lot of times when people say that sort of thing it comes from them feeling guilty about the choices they are making for themselves. It's easier to justify things when you're not the only one doing it, you can look at others and say "Well it's not just me, it's just how this family is," or something. When those around them start taking control of their own health, they don't have that security blanket anymore.
  • Laura80111
    Laura80111 Posts: 958 Member
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    I just read your profile...since you did go to a Doctor...I'd just refer my Mom to him and let him deal with her:wink:
  • quill16
    quill16 Posts: 373 Member
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    I had the same reaction from some people after losing over 150 lbs. I just tell them "my doctor wants me to be at a healthy weight and I have so many lbs to go to acheive my healthy goal". They pretty much don't say much to me about it after that.
  • coreykantola
    coreykantola Posts: 65
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    That is a beautiful rant! Remember 1 out of 5 adults are clinicly obese. They will all tell you that you need to stop or that your"too" skinny now and look sick.
    We as a society are soo use to seeing over weight people, when we see people that are in the "healthy" range they are considered abnormal or too skinny.
    Family above all should be supportive, do they not want you to live a long live? I dont know about any of you but i get sad when i see family and friends out of breath just bending over to tie thier shoe or climbing 10 steps.

    I wish more people would see the life style change that we all make and praise us for the effort.

    If you have just started or have been healthy for years good for you! it takes a very strong person to change their life! Don't ever forget that!
  • chauncyrenayCHANGED
    chauncyrenayCHANGED Posts: 788 Member
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    "Mom: You just won't be happy till you're smaller than your mama, will you"

    Bingo! Sounds like your mom has a sense of identity in being smaller than you. She'll have to get over this. In the meantime, keep up your good and healthy lifestyle. It suits you well. :flowerforyou:
  • kaizen31
    kaizen31 Posts: 74 Member
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    Congratulations on escaping the "obese" class! That's wonderful! Someday I hope to join you. ;)

    Whether they realize it or not, it sounds like those people are threatened by your positive changes. The more you improve yourself, the more they are reminded they need similar improvement. Change is scary, but that's no reason to undermine others. Stay strong and keep it up! Keep doing it for yourself.
  • PatasDeGallina
    PatasDeGallina Posts: 155 Member
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    *hugs*

    The other day I told my best friend that I wanted to lose another 20 lbs and get to 130. We're the same height.

    Immediately she said, "OH GOD NO! 130 is WAY TOO SKINNY. When I was 130 I just looked sickly." :noway:

    I didn't know how to handle this. I just said, "well, when I get there I'm going to start building muscle so my weight is going to go up," and that calmed her down.

    WHAT THE FART?! Of all the people in the world that I thought would be super supportive, she says that?! Whatever. I'm going to blow it off.

    a) We don't have the same structure so 130 won't look on me as it does on her.

    b) Wait a sec... she's over 130 now? You mean I might weigh less than my skinny friend? Surely this can't be her problem... Good lord I hope not.

    I don't want to be anyone's chubby friend anymore. And just because I'm losing weight does not mean I'm by default that I'm personally discriminating against overweight people. I hate that assumption as well.

    I've been there. Why would I crap on someone who is there right now?

    I'm sorry about your mom. Tell her you're not doing this to hurt her. Tell her the doctor gave you this number and that's what you're losing all this weight for.

    People tend to hush up when you say the words, "because my doctor said I had to or I'll die."

    Friend me if you like, I'm here for you! :flowerforyou:
  • rrgrove
    rrgrove Posts: 73
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    its probably just jealousy
  • Riley4ever
    Riley4ever Posts: 225 Member
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    Love this thread - made me laugh. Experiencing the same thing but just either ignore the comment or tell them to "back off"!

    You should definitely get another dog - they don't judge you :)
  • frogger581
    frogger581 Posts: 17
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    i have the same problem with my coworkers, when i was strict on my diet, theyd always be there with cake or desserts telling me "oh you can have just one its okay!", then when i'd faulter theyd be the first to say "oh so the diet is over?" theres just no pleasing some people, and the best part is you dont have to! please yourself dahlin!

    and for that one chick, yes ranting is just fine! its nice to know youre in the same boat as others sometimes!
  • luhluhlaura
    luhluhlaura Posts: 278 Member
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    Rants are only good for you. We don't really get a lot out of them.

    Mmmm, ok, thanks... if you read past the rant, you'll see a success as well.

    Wow, how incredibly rude. It was a waste of that guy's time to read your post, then write a response about not getting anything out of your rant.
  • SkettiGurl
    SkettiGurl Posts: 186 Member
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    Try your best to ignore it. Jealous, yes...but they're also not used to seeing you this way. You're doing great! Keep up the good work!
  • Elisirmon
    Elisirmon Posts: 273 Member
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    I find people speak before they think, not out of jealousy (always), but because they don't know better. Sad, but true. Hopefully when they see you feeling good about looking great they'll shut their piehole.
    I agree with this also they are scared maybe you will look bad on them for their ways if you successfully change yours...Just remember it isn't about them it's about you and just set aside their comments they still love you.
  • mjf0461
    mjf0461 Posts: 470 Member
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    THe ones closest to you are usually the ones that hurt you so much. Just advise them you appreciate their concern but you have a medically safe goal in mind and that is what you are working towards. I think when it comes to our children it's not JEALOUSY. It's shear concern. I am smaller than my 20 yr old now and I am 50. She tells me I am good where I am at, only because she is seeing collar bone hip bone and such showing on me for the first time in her life and mine. It's love, concern and I thinks that's it.. Do what you gotta do to be happy with the person you are becoming and eventually become..Great job btw...
  • lksee
    lksee Posts: 1 Member
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    You are the ONLY person you need to answer to about your weight. You are working hard and you deserve to be recognized and not belittled for all you effort. It's really important to be around people who support you, especially when you're trying to make healthy eating choices. Stick to your goal and don't let anybody tell you different! Congrats on doing such a great job already!
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
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    I think you are doing great to have lost as much as you have already! And definitely keep going until YOU are happy with your weight loss. You aren't doing it for them, you are doing it for you.

    I get the same things from people. I lost around 60 pounds to get to where I am at now, but I have changed my goals. I am not looking to just "lose weight" anymore, right now my goals are much more specific. I personally want to lower my body fat percentage to around 16% which is the highest level of body fat for most female athletes. That's just want I want to do. And everyone's going on and on about how "sickly" I will look if I lose more weight and crap like that. I showed a picture of Jamie Eason (female bodybuilder who looks fabulous to me) to my mom and told her that I wanted to get down to about her level of body fat, and she was like "but she looks so skinny and gaunt and you will look anorexic!" I wanted to scream at her, but I tried to keep my cool. That woman eats more than I do!!! Just because my goal is a size 2 doesn't mean I want to be unhealthy. I am pretty short, and I have loads of muscle. I eat 1400 or more calories a day. I am certainly not unhealthy.

    But I do just chalk it up to jealousy. Maybe if they were working towards a goal, they'd be more supportive. But some people seem to think they know what's best for others, and that best must be exactly what they have. Cause if anyone else surpasses their own level of fitness, then they *must* be unhealthy. Whatevs...
  • Leiki
    Leiki Posts: 526 Member
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    I admit, I'm guilty.

    I'm concerned about my friend who lost 80, and wants to lose 20 more. I just asked her questions like "are you doing it healthily?" "How many pounds are you losing a week?" "What will help you decide when you want to stop?" She had legitimate answers and I was satisfied. When our mutual friends raised concerns, I told them I think she's doing it in a healthy way. She is doing 1-2 lbs. a week, and she will be smack dab in the middle of healthy when she is done.

    I ask because I'm concerned. It may not seem like it to the person hearing it, at times, though.
  • somerman
    somerman Posts: 17 Member
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    People always are giving me 'free' advise.
    I am morbidly obese and when I started telling my friends that I was starting a medical weight loss program, the advise came flying. Most of them meant well. But most of their advice was wrong!

    They either have to be suffering from a savoir complex, jealousy, or arrogance. Don't know, don't care. I just nod and ignore them.

    Sorry it's you Mother doing it though. When my Parents were alive, and I started my first weight loss program, I felt they were trying to sabotage me. In my case, it was the only way they know to communicate.

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