Grandparents?

AmberJslimsAWAY

Do you have step grandchildren? Do you treat them different than your real grandkids? Please be honest.

AwesomelyAmber

My parents have two step grandchildren. Mostly they are treated exactly the same. One is 'mine' and one is my brother's. My stepson was treated as part of the family right from the word GO. As he has gotten older he has chosen a path that my parent's don't care for... that has changed how they treat him, not the fact that he was not born of me. My brother's step son was 3 when he came into our lives and is 11 now. He is very much their GRANDSON and my NEPHEW... Some people do not consider children born of their children as their grandkids. I think it's all in how the family dynamic is to start. :flowerforyou:

EmCarroll1990

I'm 21, so not a grandparent yet lol. But I do find that my step-grandparents treat us differently than the "real" grandkids. It was way more obviously when we were younger and the step-grandparents would buy gifts for the "real" grandkids and we never got anything.... Kind of awkward.


ETA: My fiancé has a son, and my parents treat him just like I think they would any of their future grandkids. Granted, he spends most of his time with his mom, so my parents have only seen him a handful of times.

Karrix

I don't see why they would. My mother was adopted, my grandmother treats me the same as if we were blood related.

Also, not relevant, but this thread reminded me of this epic meme:

AmberJslimsAWAY

I don't see why they would. My mother was adopted, my grandmother treats me the same as if we were blood related.

Also, not relevant, but this thread reminded me of this epic meme:

I think adoption and being married into children is different. You want the kids you adopt, know what I mean?

PeaceLoveVeggies

My grandfather [my mom's stepdad] treated me the same my entire life. I lived with him and my grandma for a really big portion of my life [I decided to go to Puerto Rico for High School & College] and to be honest, my grandma who is flesh and blood treated me differently than he ever did! LOL.

Snow__White

my son is not my husbands...but his parents treat him like all the other grand children
my SIL has a kid from a previous realtionship and her MIL treated him differntly then her other grandchildren
It depends on the person,it could go either way!

LoraF83

My step-mom treats my daughter exactly the same as her other grandchildren. I'm very lucky with my blended family - we all have pretty good relationships.
When I was growing up, my step-grandparents (my mother's husband's parents) treated my brother and I very differently than the other grandkids. It was obvious and intentional. So, I'm thankful that my mother didn't stay married to their son very long! I had a step-grandmother that was wonderful - my bio grandmother had died a few years before and when my grandpa remarried her, she took it upon herself to be the "bonus grandma". She was very fun and treated us well.

I think it's sad when families treat children differently - it's not their fault the adults have complicated lives.

ReneeG74

"Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

Pocket_Pixi

I don't see why they would. My mother was adopted, my grandmother treats me the same as if we were blood related.

Also, not relevant, but this thread reminded me of this epic meme:

I think adoption and being married into children is different. You want the kids you adopt, know what I mean?

Well if you don't want the kids you marry into why marry the person?? its kind of a package deal... you know what I mean?


I have step-grandparents. They did not become my grandparents until I was in my 20's so yes they treat me differently than they treat their "real" grandchildren because we hardly know each other. However; I still call them Grandma and Grandpa, they still refer to me as their grandchild.

I do not see why anyone would treat them differently, honestly they are part of the family. I do think that it takes time to get to know the kids, however; so if it is a new relationship - yes they will be treated differently, but it shouldn't be so much to the point that they are made to feel awkward about it... at least that is my opinion.

monroe61

My sister is a step-grandparent (her ex-husband was 21yrs older then her) It was kind of funny hearing someone call her grandma when was in her late 20's but that is all they have ever known her by because she was there when they were born and she does not treat them any different but they are the only ones she has too.

Sweet_Pandora

My husbands parents have 8 grandchildren, 3 are step grandkids, 1 being my daughter and they are all treated the same.

Karen

shiseido_faerie

I am not a grandparent, but I was the step grandchild, and I found I was always treated differently.
Smaller/less thoughtful/no gifts than the "blood" grandchildren, they didn't really ask me about how I was or what was going on etc., it's funny because I was part of their family for 16 years and never really felt like I was.

Now, having said that, my boyfriends family members treat all of their grandchildren the same, there is no "step" designation, they're all just grandchildren. It's been very interesting for me to see since my experience was so different.

AwesomelyAmber

"Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

I LIKE this a lot! It's kind of how our family works too. We have halfs, steps, etc. but they are all JUST PLAIN FAMILY :flowerforyou:

Sweet_Pandora

"Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

This is how our family is.

Karen

AmberJslimsAWAY

Well if you don't want the kids you marry into why marry the person?? its kind of a package deal... you know what I mean?


I have step-grandparents. They did not become my grandparents until I was in my 20's so yes they treat me differently than they treat their "real" grandchildren because we hardly know each other. However; I still call them Grandma and Grandpa, they still refer to me as their grandchild.

I do not see why anyone would treat them differently, honestly they are part of the family. I do think that it takes time to get to know the kids, however; so if it is a new relationship - yes they will be treated differently, but it shouldn't be so much to the point that they are made to feel awkward about it... at least that is my opinion.

I mean that the grandparents may not want the children. The reason I ask is because my fiance (I guess it's kind of complicated) treat my children WAY different than they do his son. They buy him little gifts all the time, Everything is about him, and what he wants to do, and see him and doing this for him etc. It gets really annoying because my kiddos don't know why they are being treated different. We've been together since my kids were 1.5 and 4.5. They are not 4.5 and 7.5. My kids call his mom granny, and when they tried to call his dad grandpa (like his son) he corrected them saying "My name is Tony"

AmberJslimsAWAY

"Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

This is how our family is.

Karen

And this is how MY family is. Apparently not his

pcousins13Patricia

My SIL has a child from a previous relationship but all of our family treats him the same as if he was blood related. He's my nephew and I'm his aunt. The grandparents treat him the same as the other kids.

mslack01

My child has three step-grandparents:

Her dad's stepfather treats her like his own grandkid. Worships her. Actually treats her better than his real dad does---her blood grandfather.

Her dad's stepmother pretty much has no relationship with her.

My husband (her stepfather's) mother. She treats her as much like a grandmother as her other ones do. But my dd doesn't call her grandma. I think it would mean the world to her if she would, because she is the only grandchild she would possibly have.

pcousins13Patricia

"Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

I LIKE this a lot! It's kind of how our family works too. We have halfs, steps, etc. but they are all JUST PLAIN FAMILY :flowerforyou:

EXACTLY!!!

EmCarroll1990

Well if you don't want the kids you marry into why marry the person?? its kind of a package deal... you know what I mean?


I have step-grandparents. They did not become my grandparents until I was in my 20's so yes they treat me differently than they treat their "real" grandchildren because we hardly know each other. However; I still call them Grandma and Grandpa, they still refer to me as their grandchild.

I do not see why anyone would treat them differently, honestly they are part of the family. I do think that it takes time to get to know the kids, however; so if it is a new relationship - yes they will be treated differently, but it shouldn't be so much to the point that they are made to feel awkward about it... at least that is my opinion.

I mean that the grandparents may not want the children. The reason I ask is because my fiance (I guess it's kind of complicated) treat my children WAY different than they do his son. They buy him little gifts all the time, Everything is about him, and what he wants to do, and see him and doing this for him etc. It gets really annoying because my kiddos don't know why they are being treated different. We've been together since my kids were 1.5 and 4.5. They are not 4.5 and 7.5. My kids call his mom granny, and when they tried to call his dad grandpa (like his son) he corrected them saying "My name is Tony"

My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

mslack01

"Step" is not a word in our family to describe children or adults. Family is Family.

This is how our family is.

Karen

And this is how MY family is. Apparently not his

I really like that!

AmberJslimsAWAY

My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.

mslack01

Oh yeah, and I had a step-grandfather who I called grandpa growing up. I never knew him as anything else. I almost forgot he was a step until just now. He has passed on now, but he was the only grandfather I ever knew.

EmCarroll1990

My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.

Wow... At this point, I would just avoid bringing my kids there and stick to bringing them to your parents' place. It's not fair for you kids to be in an environment where they're not welcomed. I think my mom started doing this with us as well, I remember not going to their place very often because it was just b.s... Now that we're older, we visit a couple times a year. I'm so sorry for your kids, it's not like they did anything to deserve it.

AmberJslimsAWAY

My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.

Wow... At this point, I would just avoid bringing my kids there and stick to bringing them to your parents' place. It's not fair for you kids to be in an environment where they're not welcomed. I think my mom started doing this with us as well, I remember not going to their place very often because it was just b.s... Now that we're older, we visit a couple times a year. I'm so sorry for your kids, it's not like they did anything to deserve it.

Thank you. I just wish they would open their eyes, ya know?

Pocket_Pixi

Well if you don't want the kids you marry into why marry the person?? its kind of a package deal... you know what I mean?


I have step-grandparents. They did not become my grandparents until I was in my 20's so yes they treat me differently than they treat their "real" grandchildren because we hardly know each other. However; I still call them Grandma and Grandpa, they still refer to me as their grandchild.

I do not see why anyone would treat them differently, honestly they are part of the family. I do think that it takes time to get to know the kids, however; so if it is a new relationship - yes they will be treated differently, but it shouldn't be so much to the point that they are made to feel awkward about it... at least that is my opinion.

I mean that the grandparents may not want the children. The reason I ask is because my fiance (I guess it's kind of complicated) treat my children WAY different than they do his son. They buy him little gifts all the time, Everything is about him, and what he wants to do, and see him and doing this for him etc. It gets really annoying because my kiddos don't know why they are being treated different. We've been together since my kids were 1.5 and 4.5. They are not 4.5 and 7.5. My kids call his mom granny, and when they tried to call his dad grandpa (like his son) he corrected them saying "My name is Tony"

My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

This makes me incredibly sad, I dislike some people and this is why. I am sorry this is happening, I think for some people they take the "blood" relationship a little too far, had you and your fiancé adopted these children would they have reacted the same way?

This is one of those times your fiancé is going to have to step up and talk to them, because you guys are a family... these are his children too (even if they are not his blood). You should not have to sit and watch your children be constantly hurt over and over again.

If he wont talk maybe ask they not give the one gifts infront of the other children - if they get butt hurt TFB, its one thing to give him gifts but if they are not going to have something small for the others theycould just hold off on giving it to him at all.

EmCarroll1990

My step-grandparents were the same way when I was that age, minus the not calling him grandpa. It's sad, and it's hurtful, but it's not your kids' fault, and they should know that. Maybe bring it up to your fiancé and see what he says about it.

He says "talk to them about it" I've tried that, they get all butthurt. I once said something about them constantly buying his son stuff, right in front of my kids, and his mom said " He's my grandson, they are not my grandchildren" It is hurtful. It hurts them, it hurts me. It's not fair to anyone.

Wow... At this point, I would just avoid bringing my kids there and stick to bringing them to your parents' place. It's not fair for you kids to be in an environment where they're not welcomed. I think my mom started doing this with us as well, I remember not going to their place very often because it was just b.s... Now that we're older, we visit a couple times a year. I'm so sorry for your kids, it's not like they did anything to deserve it.

Thank you. I just wish they would open their eyes, ya know?

For sure. It's totally immature, children are children. And it's bullsh*t they get insulted and their feelings hurt for something that is out of everyone's control.

cloud2011

My niece is my brother's stepdaughter. She was treated differently, but only because my sister-in-law and her extended family made it very clear that my niece was NOT our family. My sister-in-law's grandparents were the REAL grandparents, etc. My mother always remembered my niece on her birthday and Christmas, etc. But my niece never made much of an effort when my mother was alive (and after the REAL grandparents had passed away). But when my niece had her three kids, they considered my mother their great grandmother, because by this time, their biological great grandparents were gone. The whole thing is strange, because my kids don't consider by niece (step-niece) their cousin. She is a lot older than they are, and has never taken the time to get to know my kids. When we visit them (out of state), she disappears, and this is a grown woman. Very weird.

So it was always an odd situation, and sort of something that wasn't a choice on my family's part.

AmberJslimsAWAY

This makes me incredibly sad, I dislike some people and this is why. I am sorry this is happening, I think for some people they take the "blood" relationship a little too far, had you and your fiancé adopted these children would they have reacted the same way?

This is one of those times your fiancé is going to have to step up and talk to them, because you guys are a family... these are his children too (even if they are not his blood). You should not have to sit and watch your children be constantly hurt over and over again.

If he wont talk maybe ask they not give the one gifts infront of the other children - if they get butt hurt TFB, its one thing to give him gifts but if they are not going to have something small for the others theycould just hold off on giving it to him at all.

I have never met a family like this. My family loves his son, treast him like one of the other kids, but there are so many rules when it comes to "family" with his family

jenalderman

Do you have step grandchildren? Do you treat them different than your real grandkids? Please be honest.

We are raising my husband's 14 and 15 year old grandsons. I try so hard to treat them the same as my 19 year old son. I have to admit though....and shamefully.... it has to be a consious effort on my part. I'm sorry..... trust me.... so sorry.... but my heart has been with my children for the past 24 years. I love Morgan and Dan but I've only known them for 3 years so we are still feeling each other out and learning to work around each other. I really wonder if it's ever possible to love ANYONE as much as your own so I think that we have to turn our attention to loving them as much as possible and making sure that they feel loved enough. Also, even when I FEEL it, I am very careful not to SHOW a difference.