So, tell me about pre-teen girls from a parent's view.

papa3x

OK, I have twin daughters that are almost 11. They are truly the best part of my life, AND I AM HOPING TO KEEP IT THAT WAY..... most of the time they are just plain wonderful to be around. But one of them has, in the last few weeks been rather "sullen" for lack of a better word that I can think of. She's still nice, but not smiling near as much, and so many things seem to upset her.

Both my wife and I have talked to her and she says nothing is wrong. Coincidentally we had a meeting already scheduled yesterday with her teacher and guidance counselor about her particaipation in the school district's "gifted" program. Both my twins are in it. The teacher and counselor both said they have not noticed any changes in her while at school.

Do you think this is just a phase that will pass in a few weeks, or is this what I have to look forward to for the next several years?

She is still polite. She still behaves well.... but she just doesn't appear as happy as she always was.

_Bob_

I'm a guidance counselor and have noticed that a lot of girls go through this faze when they are entering their teen years. it when they develop their individuality and for some it is a really hard time. boys go through it too but they deal with it much differently.

greeneyed_beachgirl

I don't know if I have any advice, but I think you are doing everything right. Talking to her, talking to her school, being concerned. It could be any number of things. Just keep letting her know you are there for her to talk to, keep checking with her school to see if they notice any changes. Maybe she could talk to the school guidance counselor? She might be more willing to open up to someone at school. They might be able to make a better judgement as to what is going on with her.

Good luck. She's lucky to have parents that care!

1shauna1

Could she be starting to menstuate? That's a lot of extra hormones....and having been a (pre)teen girl, sometimes you just want to be left alone! As long as you're paying attention and letting her know you're there for her, she'll be okay. Luckily she has her sister to help her as well.

papa3x

I'm a guidance counselor and have noticed that a lot of girls go through this faze when they are entering their teen years. it when they develop their individuality and for some it is a really hard time. boys go through it too but they deal with it much differently.

I'm thinking that it "might" have something to do with moving on to middle school for 6th grade.

papa3x

Could she be starting to menstuate? That's a lot of extra hormones....and having been a (pre)teen girl, sometimes you just want to be left alone! As long as you're paying attention and letting her know you're there for her, she'll be okay. Luckily she has her sister to help her as well.

Funny you ask that... her twin had her first period at age 9... Ay yi yi! And her twin is not shy about telling us when she has it... so I am guessing that if this were the case, she would probably say something to us.

bademasi

I have two teen daughters. One is 17-1/2 and the other is 19 years old. Both of my girls began to become moody around that age. Hormones and peers have a great deal to do with it. They are growing and changing. I wouldn't worry so much unless you see some drastic changes in her. We are friends so if you need me...just message me.

lambertj

Two tweens at the same time, my thoughts are with you. I have one teenage stepdaughter, moody and sullen doesn't even begin to cover it :frown:

cal1973

Don't worry about it - they usually grow out of it by around the age of 25!!!!!!

bademasi

Could she be starting to menstuate? That's a lot of extra hormones....and having been a (pre)teen girl, sometimes you just want to be left alone! As long as you're paying attention and letting her know you're there for her, she'll be okay. Luckily she has her sister to help her as well.

Funny you ask that... her twin had her first period at age 9... Ay yi yi! And her twin is not shy about telling us when she has it... so I am guessing that if this were the case, she would probably say something to us.

My older daughter was shy to discuss periods and such.... My younger daughter talks to me about everything. Children can be so opposite of each other. My oldest stressed out for two years about using a tampon. She wanted to but didn't know how to use it correctly and wouldn't talk about it. Until one day when she was 16 and a boy wanted her to go swimming... then well, she learned with me on the other side of the bathroom door. Her younger sister and I talked her thru it. lol Oh the memories....

Sh1tsRainbows

I have an 11 yr old daughter and in the past year is has been CRAZY..attitude, meltdowns, i have no clue why maybe hormones.. i just try and keep an open dialogue with her and try and ride out the storm. :drinker:

Munque

I have a 14 year old and an 11 year old (and then some but those are the ages you asked for) My 14 year old started acting strange about 6 months before she started. My 11 year old is doing that now, so if she starts in about 6 months, I'm guessing that's it. I also have a 15 year old boy and an 11 year old boy, they both started acting wierd about the same age, my 15 year old boy got over it about a year ago and my 14 year old girl got over it shortly after she started. It's a very high hormone time for kids about that age and I think it messes with their heads a little bit and for girls can make them feel very fatigued.

Your doing all the right things though. It's good to see a concerned dad. In my little town where there are mostly single mothers and deadbeat dads, it makes me happy to hear about all the good guys still out there, because good daddys raise good kids. And that means that my 4 girls, and one of my boys, have a better chance at finding a good man when they are older. And the other boy will have a better chance of finding a good girl.

bademasi

I have a 14 year old and an 11 year old (and then some but those are the ages you asked for) My 14 year old started acting strange about 6 months before she started. My 11 year old is doing that now, so if she starts in about 6 months, I'm guessing that's it. I also have a 15 year old boy and an 11 year old boy, they both started acting wierd about the same age, my 15 year old boy got over it about a year ago and my 14 year old girl got over it shortly after she started. It's a very high hormone time for kids about that age and I think it messes with their heads a little bit and for girls can make them feel very fatigued.

Your doing all the right things though. It's good to see a concerned dad. In my little town where there are mostly single mothers and deadbeat dads, it makes me happy to hear about all the good guys still out there, because good daddys raise good kids. And that means that my 4 girls, and one of my boys, have a better chance at finding a good man when they are older. And the other boy will have a better chance of finding a good girl.

I agree with this!!!!:bigsmile:

papa3x

....

Your doing all the right things though. It's good to see a concerned dad. In my little town where there are mostly single mothers and deadbeat dads, it makes me happy to hear about all the good guys still out there, because good daddys raise good kids. And that means that my 4 girls, and one of my boys, have a better chance at finding a good man when they are older. And the other boy will have a better chance of finding a good girl.

Thank you. I do my best.

Chagama

My daughter is almost 20. As soon as she grows out of that phase I will be happy to let you know how long it lasts.

goodfido

I think that was a tough age for my daugher as well. Not sure if it was the hormones, catty classmates or a combination. I just continued to talk to her and ask questions about school, her friends, the weather, a tv show, anything to keep her talking and knowing I was interested and that I was there for her. So my recommendation is just keeping that Communication channel open!

Roni_M

I have a 21 and an 18 year old daughter. That age is deffinately hormones and self esteem issues. So far yiu are doing a great job! If you haven't done these things yet, here is what i recommend.

As her dad you have a lot of power here.... make sure you "spontaneously" tell your girls how pretty they are, how nice an outfit looks, how pretty their hair looks in that style. It goes a long way when they are starting to question if they are "as pretty" as the other girls. Be attentiive to your wife in front of them as well.... girls will ultimately want a boy who is like their dad...so set the bar really high so they pick a good one when the time comes. I was so happy the first time mine said "boys were jerks" and she "would never find one who treats me as good as dad treats you". Eventually she did but she was very picky with who she would date. Both were very fussy and ended up with great boyfriends who treat them well.

If your wife hasn't had the "talk" yet, it is a must. Include how hormones can effect mood... if she's feeling "sad" and doesn't know why, she may think there is something wrong with her. My youngest has an mild anxiety disorder... you'de be surprised by the thoughts that can run through their heads when they don't understand why they are having the feelings they are and how much better they can cope with them when they have a "reason" for them.

Good luck! They hit another one at about 15/16!!!

papa3x

Roni, "I" had the "talk" with them.... these are not shy kids.

I think I already do most of what you said.... but now I will make a point of it....

Roni_M

Roni, "I" had the "talk" with them.... these are not shy kids.

I think I already do most of what you said.... but now I will make a point of it....

Then you don't have anything to worry about...just keep up what you're doing! Talk her ear off and she'll come around when she's ready.

Flyer615

There is also the "Horseshoe of Intelligence." When our children are young, they perceive us as kings, and more intelligent than the greatest thinkers (Einstein, Plato, etc.). As they near the teenage years, our I.Q. begins to dip a little, as we start to have less and less knowledge of what it is like to be a young person (it couldn't possibly have been the same when we were young). By the time they reach the age of 13 or 14, our I.Q. is plummeting, until by 16, we can do little more than drool and hand out money. Luckily, there is hope. As they reach the end of the teenage years, our intelligence begins to rise out of the abyss. Then, around age 20 to 23 we are back to a more normal I.Q. level. We will never reach the lofty heights to which they held us when they were children, but at least we no longer need assistance to perform the most basic daily tasks. If you look at this on a graph, our child-perceived intelligence level somewhat resemble an upside down horseshoe. Good luck with the teenage years.

_Bob_

I'm a guidance counselor and have noticed that a lot of girls go through this faze when they are entering their teen years. it when they develop their individuality and for some it is a really hard time. boys go through it too but they deal with it much differently.

I'm thinking that it "might" have something to do with moving on to middle school for 6th grade.

that might be part of it, the whole new friends thing can be hard too. it's better to move while their younger, at high school though it can really cause problems when you have to move around