man advice, you know we need it sometimes

2

Replies

  • avalonms
    avalonms Posts: 2,468 Member
    Thanks guys, I really appreciate the feedback. It is a shame we are such a perfect fit, mentally and physically.
    Think about it ... if you were a perfect fit mentally, you would not have been to compelled toward your original post.
  • kat65
    kat65 Posts: 124 Member
    This is going to sound harsh, but he is not that into you. Dump him and move on. I wasted 11 years with a guy like this. I loved him. It hurt to walk away. So, I stayed. Finally, after 11 years I was so ANGRY that I was finally able to dump him and stick with is decision even though he kept calling. Back to your situation.... He knows he playing you to his benefit.This man will say he will walk away if you want him too, but he will come back to you and you will succimb to him. Don't do it!!! You deserve better. Oh yeah, the guy I finally dumped.... He was engaged and married less than 3 months after I finally split with him. I was just his side kick. I hate myself for the years I wasted. Don't be me.... Two years is one and a half years to long.
  • Zarebeth
    Zarebeth Posts: 136 Member
    He sounds toxic... and the type that will string you along for years, then eventually meet someone else and marry them within a year. I have seen it many times before... If he hasn't been serious about you in all this time, you will never be that person.

    You can play games to try to get his attention, but he sounds like a master manipulator to me and he most likely won't fall for it. Move on... you definitely deserve better than a this guy. Do you really want to be his "good enough for now" girl?
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    In a healthy relationship (and whether you're buckfuddies or exclusive, it's still a relationship) you should never feel insecure or not know how the other person is feeling. This isn't a healthy relationship for you.

    The key word in friends with benefits should be the "friend" part, not the benefit part. If he's only making time for you when he wants to get some, he's not being a good friend.
  • Kirsty_UK
    Kirsty_UK Posts: 964 Member
    I think the important bit here isn't which dog is right, lol, but that you clearly want more. Whatever his reasons, whatever is going on with him, it seems he's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship out of this.

    If you do, and you continue seeing him knowing he doesnt, then that is going to hurt.
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    I think he couldn't get another date for the casinos and he's horny. Your Birthday is a perfect way to get a little and he can look like a good guy by doing something for your birthday. That way you're still out there dangling on a string if he needs a future rematch.

    You are not making the rules in this relationship. Your only option is to play or not to play.

    Opt out. You can do better.

    This guy said it best ^^
  • PunkRockDad
    PunkRockDad Posts: 76
    The guy is using you....maybe you are using him, whatever. But he keeps you stringed along just enough to know that he can call you anytime he wants and have his cake and eat it too.

    Coming from a man's perspective who has ALWAYS treated women with respect and not played games, I cannot understand why women put up with this kind of crap, not unless they want it. I mean no disrespect to you by saying that, but he is going to continue keeping you on the side as long as you give in to him everytime he calls. It goes back to the old saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
  • PunkRockDad
    PunkRockDad Posts: 76
    And from looking at your profile - your smart, beautiful, and seem to have your s*** together working on your masters. Why in the hell would you waste your time on this guy? His loss if you ask me.
  • adamb83
    adamb83 Posts: 719 Member
    I think he couldn't get another date for the casinos and he's horny. Your Birthday is a perfect way to get a little and he can look like a good guy by doing something for your birthday. That way you're still out there dangling on a string if he needs a future rematch.

    You are not making the rules in this relationship. Your only option is to play or not to play.

    Opt out. You can do better.

    ^^^ This. The guy obviously just wants you to give him what he wants, when he wants it, and then get lost. If you're looking for a relationship and/or to be respected, look elsewhere.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    RUN RUN RUN from this guy as fast as you can.
  • stephaneb74
    stephaneb74 Posts: 151 Member
    I think you knew the answer to your question when you posted it....
    Here you have two ways to go.... 1 is to get out of this relationship that is burning you and find someone that is going to respect yiu for who you are and not only when they want some "benefit"...... 2 is be abrupt about your feeling and ask what he think.... from there either you have an healthy relationship with someone open and committed or you are back to number 1

    Either way do something about it .....
  • Karmynzahringer
    Karmynzahringer Posts: 192 Member
    If its been two years and you are still at the same point as day 1 (FWB) then I would say that it will never be more than that. Sounds like a *kitten* who is using you for a piece when he is horny and will never view you as anything more. Move on and don't let yourself waste another 2 years on this guy. Seriously I have been there and all it will do is damage your self image, confidence and ability to trust in men.
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
    Don't go. He's just not that into you. Sorry, but his past behavior shows that. Waste no more time on him!

    You are a good person who has lots to offer. Find someone who deserves it!
  • nixrun
    nixrun Posts: 44
    I asked for this advice because deep down I wanted to hear exactly what you all have told me. It's nice to have the reassurance and criticism in life. It's one of the main reasons I have grown to love MFP; some things I cannot even ask my friends because they show too much bias.

    I basically dropped a lot of people over the last year that brought a lot of negativity and bad influence in my life. I have set priorities as in obtaining my master's and getting fit before thirty. I find that I have really no desire to go out searching for a relationship because it could interrupt my progress and the goals I have set for myself.

    I keep my options open, but just really not interested in a relationship until I get to where I want to be and most importantly feel more comfortable with myself. This may be on of the first times in my life that I am really trying to do things for just me, rather than trying to please everyone else. I apologize if that sounds selfish to any of you.

    He's the next step.
  • Kirsty_UK
    Kirsty_UK Posts: 964 Member
    all the best whatever you decide :)
  • tashakk86
    tashakk86 Posts: 81
    if i were you id play "hard to get" the next time he calls you tell him you have plans or a date.. make him jelous.. if he really likes you you will be able to tell. if you going on a date doesnt affect him.. well he was just in it for the sex.. give him a taste of his own medicine... i was in teh same situation 3 years ago.. the guy i was in love with acted the same way then i gave him a taste of his medicine.. i acted like i oculd care less, i went on dates hung out with friends.. just enjoyed lie.. well that flipped a switch for him.. now 2 years later were living together and getting married in july!!! :) hope this helped
  • tashakk86
    tashakk86 Posts: 81
    yea i know theres alot of spelling errors lol my keyboard sux! but you get the idea of what im trying to say
  • Maystar80
    Maystar80 Posts: 85 Member
    I think he couldn't get another date for the casinos and he's horny. Your Birthday is a perfect way to get a little and he can look like a good guy by doing something for your birthday. That way you're still out there dangling on a string if he needs a future rematch.

    You are not making the rules in this relationship. Your only option is to play or not to play.

    Opt out. You can do better.


    ^^^^ This exactly. I totally agree. I see a trainwreck in your future if you don't get out. And that comes from personal experience of a similar situation as well....
  • avalonms
    avalonms Posts: 2,468 Member
    Why am I always the last to post?
    You owe me one.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    You were the last resort girl, all men have them. You'll always be an easy lay in his mind and that's is cause you positioned yourself as such from the get go. Please find your self worth and realize your body and emotional well being are worth more than drinks dinner and 200$. Find someone who take u seriously.

    I just asked my ex husband about this and he said the same thing as above. Girl, drop that fool. You can do so much better. :flowerforyou:

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