Awkward moment with friend's offensive joking...

XXXMinnieXXX

Yes, this has happened to me multiple times. They can just be so insensitive!

Actually, I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to share my success with my best friend (and I mean BEST friend). When we had lunch out, and I ordered a salad she asked why I got a salad and if I was on a diet or something.

My response was "No, I am not really on a diet just trying to eat better and workout more. Since this decision, I have actually lost 14 pounds!"

(this was her exact response) "Oh, I didn't notice. Your face is still chubby though! (annoying laugh here)"

I know she was just joking and I just smiled and laughed along. But in that moment I felt like crying, punching her, storming out of the restaurant, and a million other things!

We have had a few more incidents since then like "more your fat body over so I can have so room on the couch!" when I was just in the lounging position.

But I have learned just to laugh along and smile even though it hurts a lot. They just don't get it. But my advice is basically just like everyone else. Work up the nerve (which can take time for me at least) and approach her about it. Maybe tell her what she said was not okay and was offensive and that she should be more careful about what she says.

Anyway, best of luck on your journey! You look fantastic in your profile picture And...

Keep Calm and Carry On,
Anna :flowerforyou:

What a wonderful 'friend'. Get rid honey x

XXXMinnieXXX

She probably doesn't think of you as being heavy - you're just her friend.

^This.

My husband will make comments while we are watching TV sometimes and he'll be like "Good gravy Christina Aguilera got big" and i'll respond "You know she's probably like 50 lbs lighter than I am right?" but he doesn't understand the correlation. One thing has nothing to do with the other. He doesn't see me as fat, but he thinks she is even though i'm a gigantor compared to her.

I relate to this but in my case the Ex Husbands comments were directly squarely at me - he did see me as fat! Funny thing is that he was comparing me to Victoria Beckham and at the time I was 10kg lighter Han I m now... Glad I ditched him!!!

Glad he's now your ex Peta x

XXXMinnieXXX

Maybe she does work hard to stay slim? Maybe not? Either way I've experienced similar things being said by people who I know would never ever want to hurt me. On a night out they said 'I looked terrible on this photo, like a whale, size 16 or something' I'm a size 20-22. Hurt a lot, even though I knew they would never try to hurt me. I said nothing, but if I had I know they would have been mortified, as they clearly hadn't realised what they'd said. Only you know this person and if they would be hurtful towards you. Probably wouldn't hurt to let them know they are being hurtful though. X

ssforcey

I agree with this. While it was offensive and insensitive she obviously does not look at you as the "fat friend".

I would probably come off with a "watch it' comment or something. But a good thing, as your friend she just sees you as being you. Not you as a fat friend

Peta22

Maybe she does work hard to stay slim? Maybe not? Either way I've experienced similar things being said by people who I know would never ever want to hurt me. On a night out they said 'I looked terrible on this photo, like a whale, size 16 or something' I'm a size 20-22. Hurt a lot, even though I knew they would never try to hurt me. I said nothing, but if I had I know they would have been mortified, as they clearly hadn't realised what they'd said. Only you know this person and if they would be hurtful towards you. Probably wouldn't hurt to let them know they are being hurtful though. X

I definitely agree that she probably didn't think about what she was saying but it wouldn't hurt to try and mention that it hurts you to avoid resentment if it happens again. Zara is right - you know you friend better than us and maybe she would be mortified if she realized what she'd done... I know I would be but I fear I have probably said stupid things like this plenty of times... I've been known to have 'foot in mouth' plenty of times - its why I often chose to stay quiet!

ArtGeek22

Yes, this has happened to me multiple times. They can just be so insensitive!

Actually, I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to share my success with my best friend (and I mean BEST friend). When we had lunch out, and I ordered a salad she asked why I got a salad and if I was on a diet or something.

My response was "No, I am not really on a diet just trying to eat better and workout more. Since this decision, I have actually lost 14 pounds!"

(this was her exact response) "Oh, I didn't notice. Your face is still chubby though! (annoying laugh here)"

I know she was just joking and I just smiled and laughed along. But in that moment I felt like crying, punching her, storming out of the restaurant, and a million other things!

We have had a few more incidents since then like "more your fat body over so I can have so room on the couch!" when I was just in the lounging position.

But I have learned just to laugh along and smile even though it hurts a lot. They just don't get it. But my advice is basically just like everyone else. Work up the nerve (which can take time for me at least) and approach her about it. Maybe tell her what she said was not okay and was offensive and that she should be more careful about what she says.

Anyway, best of luck on your journey! You look fantastic in your profile picture And...

Keep Calm and Carry On,
Anna :flowerforyou:

What a wonderful 'friend'. Get rid honey x

She is my best friend as I said before but I do need to approach her about it but I still haven't worked up the nerve.... (I have learned to avoid things when it comes to that type of stuff... :embarassed: )


(Motto Does not apply here),
Anna