Jealous friend?
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PunkyRachel
Posts: 1,959 Member
Sadly in my group of friends I'm the "skinny" one @ 210 lbs. and a size 16. My best friend (since preschool), who wanted me to get healthy with her, has been getting angry with me, and is on the verge of just giving up, because in the past two months, she's only lost 2 pounds and I've lost 12 pounds. I encourage her to stay with it, tell her to try different things, and to exercise at home without me on the days we can't get together. She has Wii fit and a elliptical at her place that she don't even use. I find it very frustrating, because I'm always trying to motivate her, and can't take joy in my success, without her getting all angry with me. It sucks, because we have been best friends for over 20 years. I'm to the point that I hate being around her. Any suggestions? I don't know what to do, or if I can save our friendship. 
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Replies
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I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like your friend isn't taking accountability for what she is doing/not doing and is getting mad at you because of it. I know when I was above 200 I could easily lose 3 lbs in a week, but I had to hold myself accountable for everything. Does she have an account on this site?0
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no, I've suggested it to her. I love MFP, she says she don't have time to try and track everything, like I'm doing. She has to share a computer with her older sister, and don't have a smart phone. :ohwell:0
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You don't need to save your friendship...it is there...Unfortunately your friend has not committed to the lifestyle change you have. Your friend has to want it for herself and not for anyone else and it is easier to become mad at her best friend than to hold her ownself accountable...Don't be afraid to tell her how YOU feel about the situation....Good Luck!0
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I agree. If she wants it bad enough she'll do it and I just don't think she does right now. This takes a lot of work and nobody else can do it for you.0
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I know this may sound strange, but sometimes people only see their own failure in your success. It's not actually about you, it's about her inability to lose the weight at the same rate as you. She probably feels like a failure, and therefore feels angry at the mention of your success. The only way to help her is to get her to realise that everyone is different, and the weight comes off at a different rate for each person. She might be finding it tough now, but later on the role might be reversed, and you need her there to support you through your tough times just as you plan to help her through this tough start to her journey.:flowerforyou:
Sorry, just wanted to add that she doesn't sound ready to face this journey, you know the saying "you can take a horse to water, but you cant make it drink"! Well this applies here too. You need to look after your own health first, if she needs time out to deal with that, that's her problem, not yours. Let her go, and when she's ready, you can be there to support her. Dont allow anyone no matter who they are, get in the way of you getting healthy.:flowerforyou:0 -
I know, it just sucks. We weighed in together a couple days ago, and she went off on me because she gained weight. Then the next day when a group of us went for for dinner, I asked our other friend Alisha if she has lost anything,(cause she is trying to get healthy too) and I got the nastiest dirty look from my best friend Sara. So I didn't even say if I lost anything. It's making me not want to even be around her. I'm just not going to even mention the topic around her anymore!0
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It can be hard to watch a friend be successful while you seem to not be doing as well. As much as we don't want to admit it, humans are naturally competitive. If I were you, my best advice is to keep doing what you are doing (Oh, and suggest this site to her as well!). If she continues to be negative and hurtful, tell her how you are frustrated. Confrontations don't HAVE to be arguments. There are many ways of approaching a sensitive subject with out having to hurt anyone's feelings.. and I am sure since she is your best friend you can be more honest with her than you would someone you aren't as close with. If she is STILL being negative after all of that, simply find a new support system for encouragement (like your mfp friends!) while continuing reaching your goals in silence (around her, anyway). I definitely wouldn't end a friendship over a little jealous dispute such as this, but if she really is hurting your feelings and bringing you down, just ignore the subject of getting healthy around her.0
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Do not let your friend stand in the way of your own success...if you give her the power to do so...you will not achieve your own goal!!! If you don't want to talk about your weight loss success with your friend...then celebrate it here!!! My best friend who is 115 pound dripping wet called me fat the last time i spoke with her...she has no clue what I am doing and how I am working so hard to lose weight...I will see her in June and boy is she going to be in for a big surprise...she may have given me the wake up call but I am totally doing this for me and not for her or anyone else for that matter!!!0
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I love this site, and I am glad I can come here for motivation and support, because other than my husband, I feel like I have no-one. I'm doing this for me, cause majority of my family is obese and have tons of health issues because of it. I don't want to join them. I hate that my best friend ever, ain't even supportive of me. I'm just not going to bring up the topic around her, and just keep doing what I'm doing regardless. thank-you, I just had to vent0
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Have you tried asking her what types of challenges she faces emotional or physical and don't give her advice on fixing it just sympathies. Then tell her when she needs some one to talk to about it your here and if she wants to you would like to join her at working out sometime. You should do this when it its just you two out somewhere brought up casually.
Be the stronger person and don't let what she says effect your personal goals.0 -
and just keep doing what I'm doing regardless
do this! and stay friends.......... if shes not ready to do it you cant make her, if she cant be happy with you making a change for the better just keep going its your life not hers
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It might be sad but I read somewhere you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. I really believe this as I see it time and time again. Make new friends and perhaps slowly introduce your old and new friends together. I bet you will she slight changes in how she acts and eats overtime. It will take a long time but I think it might be worth a try.0
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On the small part about her not having enough time on the computer, if she wrote down with pen and paper what she had in the day and then transferred it once a day onto computer to keep track?
Just remember it's her insecurity, that it's not really about attacking you. It's frustration. Keep strong, just tell her you're there for her, it's tough. If you want to bring up the subject of weight loss, do it at ok times and be sensitive about how you're talking about it.0 -
Just keep supporting her the best you can...... there's nothing else you can really do ( because you have done nothing wrong) to fix the situation. I can relate. When i first started dieting I was weighing in around 180lbs. At the time, I was living with my best friend who was around 230lbs. She hated the fact that I was losing weight. Telling me to eat, bringing home pizza's and trying to break me down. She later on (about a year ago) admitted to me that she was trying to savotage my diet because of her jealousy. Since then, which is about 4 years, she has came around and also gotten into better shape and is weighing in around 155lbs! I just had to wait out the storm I guess. Jealousy can ruin friendships... even the strongest ones. I stuck through it and we are still best friend even after all of that and we are closer because of it. I hope you two can work things out. Good luck hun :flowerforyou:0
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I've been in the same situation. The friendship split apart after 25 years. You can't make your friend change. And if she has issues with your success, then it might be good for you to step away for a while.0
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Have you maybe offered to track it for her? It'd be as easy as a quick phone call. Or she could write it on a piece of paper and slip it to you in the morning. It could else help you guys grow closer being able to share something as personal as what you eat every day.no, I've suggested it to her. I love MFP, she says she don't have time to try and track everything, like I'm doing. She has to share a computer with her older sister, and don't have a smart phone. :ohwell:0 -
The thing that gets me, is originally this was her idea. She was all, I'm tired of being fat, and we started walking together as often as possible, and trying to eat healthier. Then, I become the bad guy, cause I'm losing and shes not! I started for her sake, but now that I've started my mind set has shifted to doing it for myself. We still walk together, and do Zumba together twice a week, but when we walk, she always wants to quit after like 15-20 minutes, that frustrates me! I don't feel like I've burned anything and want to keep walking. We both have full times jobs, and I can't be there to "hold her hand" so to speak, all the time. I just don't know what to think anymore0
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