Has anyone had a hard time emotionally accepting themselves

Jbarbo01

I've used food as an emotional crutch for some time, and after getting into therapy I'm at least able to tolerate my emotions better and not use food as a coping mechanism as much. Ive been doing really well for a few weeks, and have lost weight but I've started to notice I dislike my body more than I did before I even was trying to lose weight. It just seem to all of the sudden appear, and I could be okay before and think I looked pretty good anyway but now that Im trying to lose weight its harder to see myself that way. It doesn't seem to make sense, I should feel good about trying to do something good for myself but I just feel worse. Has anyone else struggled with this? How did you move past it or were even able to?

fieldsy4life

I had a similar experience. I was going through a difficult time about a year ago, and definitely used food as a crutch. I stopped going to the gym, and just ate comfort food every meal.

When I started dieting hardcore, I was disgusted with myself. I'd look in the mirror and ask, "Why did you do this to yourself?"

That was back in September. By Christmas, I was down about 25 pounds. I was starting to look better than I did in college, and that's when my confidence came back, and my friends and coworkers definitely noticed it.

You're doing the right things, and this website will be great for emotional support. Keep your head up and let me know if you ever need anything hun!

militarydreams

Losing weight doesn't change the person that being overweight made you. The key to my life has been thinking less. All my youth I spent over analyzing things to the point of distraction and upset, desperate to change something inside myself... and I did... but not the way I imagined. I became an edgy recluse and tried to pin past event on everything in the present, even tried to predict the future.

Thinking less is an art form, exercising has helped a lot but in the end I had to ask myself if it was all worth it. Holding on to the past was killing me so the answer turned out to be a big no.

I really hope you feel better soon, I know things are rarely as simple as 'misery loves company' but I know how you feel.

buzzcogs

I know exactly how you feel. I use food to alleviate stress. Of course it doesn't work but I still do it! ;-) I even joke about saying "food is love" because frankly that was how I was raised. My children were and are naturally slim (like their Dad) and although intellectually I was glad that they wouldn't have to struggle with their weight as I have had to, the little voice inside me said, "You are a bad Mom! Your kids are too skinny!!") ;-)
I also start hating my body way more when I am losing weight. I don't know the reason, maybe we are paying more attention to our bodies and being more criitical? Who knows? What is important is REALIZING that our minds and emotions are playing tricks on us. Realize that you are starting a healthy lifestyle to be happier and healthier, embrace the process and know that it won't be an overnight change. It is a process and the value is in the journey even more than the destination. While you are losing weight, you are learning to reward yourself with something other than food, make healthier eating choices, and exercise you body. That is where you will win!. So ignore that irritating inner voice who tries to drag you down!
Go for it!

wickedcricket

no. I don't hate myself. I hate men. LOL - like especially Rush Limbaugh, Santorum & Boehner. We all have issues I guess. Are you still in therapy? You have to love yourself - I'm not a professional & don't really know HOW to teach that, I wish I could help you. If you believe in God, believe (he) doesn't make junk.
You are worthy of love & acceptance. Do you have children? Remember when they were born and you loved every finger & toe? Well YOU'RE someone's baby too. Love EVERY finger & toe. You're perfect, just the way you are.
We are all stardust

alladream

I think that a lot of times once we let go of the 'crutches' that we used to deal with stress of all sorts, feelings come up, good, bad, and whatever. and they are more present in our view since we're not blocking them out with food or drugs or clutter of whatever sort any more. I've heard people talk about it being like turning on the light at night in a kitchen with roaches, and getting freaked out because you see them, but they were there all along: now you just know about them! I find this also happens in relationships, that you feel feelings for the other person, but then you also feel other feelings from old issues that you forgot about, or ignored, or didn't know you had. Good luck getting the support you need--I find that dealing with it (with therapy, friends, meditating or prayers or whatever, etc.) just helps give me the skills to deal with other things too.

alladream

I didn't come out and make the connection in my reply above about you being in a relationship with your body, but that's what I meant! I also think that these days every magazine or website has people completely botoxed and airbrushed and photoshopped until a regular human body is hardly even seen anymore, much less regarded as good and normal!

militarydreams

I love the roaches analogy, that really hit home

oh_mg

I have dealt with this on my whole weight loss journey. It's easy to say that the weight is the source of a lot of deeper personal issues - and sometimes, they are part of it - but weight loss isn't a cure all. The only thing losing weight does is make you weigh less physically. Emotional weight loss is an entirely different beast. I read an article once that referred to "the lottery effect" - the common dieter's mentality that losing weight (like winning the lottery) will make all your problems go away. Some problems go away, but many remain - and some new ones are created, even.

Talking with a therapist and/or a supportive group of friends (on or offline) can be incredibly helpful with developing a healthy relationship with yourself. My salvation along this journey has been writing a blog, and the people I've met through blogging. It's so wonderful to share my experiences and read those of people in similar situations. In this, as with most things, we are never alone. ♥

dg09

This is something I'm still struggling with, which I'm sure is the case with a lot of people.

Counting calories helps change you physically, but there are definitely some mental obstacles still in place after losing weight.

sma83

I feel this way too sometimes. Before I started trying to impove my health and change my life style I was in complete denial about how big I was, about what my body really looked like. "Its not that bad" I would say, or "Im not that big". But I it was that bad and I was that big! Now that I have become aware of how badly I was treating my body by putting all that crap into it I realize just how unhealthy I really am. I am aware of the fat, and the rolls, and the bad skin, and the heartburn...I notice every little flaw now that Im not deluding myself and pretending I dont have a problem. I just keep trucking along anyway and hope that maybe one day I can learn to love myself again. I dont expect it to be easy or to happen over night, but I am making the best choices I can for myself on a daily basis now and eventually I will see the results.

Isolt

I used to obsess about every little thing, but then I became busy.

A flippant line, but honestly I think we all have too much leisure time and most of that seems to involve sitting aroung gazing at our navels.

What changed my mindset was taking up a whole load more passtimes; most of them outdoors. Hiking, hedge-laying, foraging and doing voluntary work.

I wish it was my wisdom, but it's basically an extension of my 92yr old Grandmother's assertion that "When I was young, nobody had time to sit around feeling sorry for themselves!"

jmmelnyk

The most important thing you must always remember is becoming healthy, not just by what you put in your mouth. But spiritually, and emotionally.. They too are very important part of your life. You were born with this body and you must do the best you can to care for it.

Why do people take care of their cars better then themselves. Why do you put gas in your car? Your body needs gas to keep going, and believe it or not the most important thing to give your body is water. Some people may think they're drinking enough water, but they aren't. Drinking plenty of water is an important part of maintaining a healthy weight and a nutritious diet. Water plays an essential role in helping your body process nutrients, maintain normal circulation and keep the proper balance of fluids. As a general guideline, a person should drink half their total body weight in ounces a day "Minimum"

When you diet your body takes on a completely new look this is what you do not like when your looking at yourself. What you need to do is give it a chance. I really don't think that there is anyone in this world that doesn't have an issue regarding their body. No one is perfect. By the way what is perfect?

Here's a quiz
Sometimes when we think we're hungry, we're really just thirsty.
If you think something to drink might help quench your thirst and your hunger pains, which would be the best choice?
a.- 12 ounces of lemonade
b. -12 ounces of cranberry juice
c. -12 ounces of grapefruit juice
or d.- 12 ounces of canned mango nectar

Which one do you think is the correct one?

slkehl

I've always been insecure about my body, but I have an amazing boyfriend who makes me feel amazing. He tells me I'm perfect all the time, and I know he means it. Although that has raised my body image, I want to be able to feel that way without a guy having to tell me that.

vger11

it's like the old saying....for every 1 negative you must express 5 positives.
I approach my students and my children with this ideals and was indirectly able to love myself, as well.

LOVE YOU first...

HorrorChix89

I have a problem accepting myself from time to time. It usually happens when I'm surrounded by women that look better than me. One reason I refuse to hang out with females. All my friends are males because then I have no one to compare myself to. Food was never my emotional outlet. And I've never been overweight. I just love food. I'm on this so-called weight loss path to lose my big belly. People keep asking am I'm pregnant and it gets annoying. Sad part is I'm losing weight everywhere except my stomach. Pretty soon I'm gonna look like a toothpick with a bump on it.

But oh well. Maybe one day I'll love myself. But right now life is okay enough to not complain out loud.

HorrorChix89

Here's a quiz
Sometimes when we think we're hungry, we're really just thirsty.
If you think something to drink might help quench your thirst and your hunger pains, which would be the best choice?
a.- 12 ounces of lemonade
b. -12 ounces of cranberry juice
c. -12 ounces of grapefruit juice
or d.- 12 ounces of canned mango nectar

Which one do you think is the correct one?

Can't say which is the CORRECT choice. But since I only like one of those I'll go with A. I hate cranberries, I have grapefruit, and who the hell invented the mango? GROSS!

jmmelnyk

Of the four choices, grapefruit juice has the fewest calories per ounce. Twelve ounces of grapefruit juice has about 150 calories, all the others have 200 calories in a 12 oz. serving because they all have added sugar.
Better yet when you are thirsty, try mineral water or just water and add just a few tablespoons of juice. It's refreshing and tasty, but you will minimize calories considerably.
Drinking water helps to break down the fat and flushes it out of your system. It is important to continually hydrate the body to keep your body water % above 50% and higher at all times. The concept is the higher your water percentage, the more lean muscle and better weight loss.

mariakbaker

I totally understand having a hard time with acceptance. It was easy for me to ignore what was in front of me...I have a husband that never complained, so the pressure didn't come from that direction. Regardless of how we got here, it is about walking towards the cliff with our eyes closed, for whatever reason; knowing it is there, but choosing to ignore the reality of it. I know I am fat, but I have glimpses of HOW badly I have let myself go...especially when there is someone that takes a picture of me. I avoided those like crazy.
But here is the thing. Although I am still trying to change my lifestyle and relationship with food and my self-image, it was a tragedy that made me look at everything in a different way.
We lost our daughter in a freak car accident this last Mothers Day. It was not untilwe lost her that I realized that I have VERY FEW captured moments between us, there are very, very few pictures of me with my daughter. Why? Because I am fat. And I loathe to see myself in a photo.
MY WIEGHT, has forever created a loss in my fife that I can never reclaim. I chose to REMOVE MYSELF from what was in front of me. I did not fully engage. And now I have forever lost the chance to capture our relationship.
I have gained 30+ pounds since the accident.
I have lost, then gained back, 13 lbs.
But I can not quit.
I have a long way to go, and even though I have "fallen off" I have have to get back on. I have realized too, that when you start this journey, taking stock (a true hard look) is not such a bad thing, but it is a hard thing. We have taken off the blinders and taken a look at where we are, right now. And sometimes the reality of how long that journey might be, triggers anger, sadness or is overwhelming.
But we are like a chunk of rock, waiting for our form to take place, over time, to chip away at the extra pieces. The beauty is all there and the process is long and thoughful and you have to stand back from time to time to see your progress.
Although I have not done as well as I had hoped, I am here to keep working on my journey and learn to accept the process, accept myself and try to focus on the excitment of the emerging form.
Even though there is an image of what you want to discover inside, REMEMBER that every rock was chosen because of the beauty in its starting form and the mystery of what is contained inside.
So though I do not have a lot of PHYSICAL changes to show for my work, it has made me look at myself...and the changes are taking hold inside.
It is a long process, but look at the small victories, and forgive the setbacks.

dme1977

I know exactly how you feel. I use food to alleviate stress. Of course it doesn't work but I still do it! ;-) I even joke about saying "food is love" because frankly that was how I was raised. .....

I also start hating my body way more when I am losing weight. I don't know the reason, maybe we are paying more attention to our bodies and being more criitical? Who knows? What is important is REALIZING that our minds and emotions are playing tricks on us. Realize that you are starting a healthy lifestyle to be happier and healthier, embrace the process and know that it won't be an overnight change. It is a process and the value is in the journey even more than the destination. While you are losing weight, you are learning to reward yourself with something other than food, make healthier eating choices, and exercise you body. That is where you will win!. So ignore that irritating inner voice who tries to drag you down!
Go for it!

WOW!!! thanks for this, I needed to see that I am not the only one who is going through/ has gone through this.... and your helpful and encouraging words have been taken to ... thank you.

DOElston

Yup, food can be one's drug-of-choice to quell emotions and quiet stress. We all know that ultimately doesn't really work. I've found that when you start craving the pizza, chocolate or whatever - ask yourself what's going on in your head? Think! You may find that you're tired, bored, stressed, frustrated and therefore, you can utilize other non-caloric means to deal with your emotions in positive ways that yield good results. You have to follow the mental trail back to its source and deal with it accordingly.

As for body image, like some posters have said, I have experienced that as well and, as mentioned, I do think it may be partly because we're really looking at ourselves more critically than ever. I also think it may be physiological as I don't think we generally loose the fat first where we want it gone the most! I've heard it said that in the process of weight loss - a large pear shape will becoming a decreasingly smaller pear shape. An apple shape will be a smaller apple shape. I think that may attribute to our frustration and may contribute to our not seeing the progress we really have made. The problem areas still seem to remain. We still see the "ugly" belly or the bottom or the thighs we've always wrestled with. (That said, I do think that adding a toning regimen will aid in our attaining the best shape we can be in. I don't want to make anyone here depressed! Lol!)

I've found regularly measuring myself has been a great help in the process. You can't argue with the cold hard facts of inches lost!

Remember, it is a process and you must purposely focus on embracing and accepting the little victories on the way to the big goal.

saragato

As someone else pointed out, the dislike or even hatred for your transitioning body could be you being overly critical since you're already scrutinizing your food, why not your body? Another reason could be a sort of emotional distancing, as in you define "you" as the person you've seen in the mirror for years and now that the mirror shows changes, you don't quite recognize yourself and it can lead to hatred for whatever reason. When people are emotionally fragile in even small degrees, change can really set them for a loop, whether for good or for bad. And sometimes, unfortunately, our brains can work against us as far as thought processes and emotions.

If your therapist hasn't already recommended it, I would try to look up some Cognitive Thinking exercises. They're designed to help you feel better about yourself, others, and just generally give you a more positive perspective. When I used to attend group therapy it was something the therapist liked to teach and work on with us and many people who had self esteem problems or negative thoughts found them helpful. It takes time and a lot of effort to change your thoughts around, but you're already making the effort to be healthier physically, why not make the same to be healthier emotionally and mentally?

MercenaryNoetic26

I had a complex as a kid in school and highschool. My confidence emerged when I met my man and he showed me how to lift/push weights penitentiary style. LOL In other words, when I got my body the way I wanted it, and realized I was in control of how I looked, it's been peachy ever since. I can get fat and lose it pretty easily with the knowledge I've gained. I know, why get fat at all? Because life is too short without enjoying food every now and then. I have phases of indulgence followed by phases of hardcore discipline. It's a cycle, but I'm happy!

Bpothik13

If it werent for the feel of my clothes I dont know that I would even know for sure that I was losing weight. I know that when I was a teen, I was overweight and then became active (turning 16 and getting off my *kitten* and getting a job sure helped!) and lost weight dramatically. The sad part about it is that I was an unhealthy thin person and coudnt even recognize it (both the unhealthy and the thin parts).

Fast forward 20 years and I am almost 43 years old and making better choices for myself and making life changes based on a great deal of work-related stress: if work is out of my control, then what CAN I control? A lot of things...including what I am eating. I am happy with the 15lbs. I have dropped, but am worried about my expectations for when I reach my goal weight: I have been single for about 5 years now and my belief that I will find the man of my dreams when I am thinner is what rests in the back of my mind (personal appearances are put up pretty high in the gay community and being thinner will supposedly make me more desirable). I guess my whole point is that we are loveable no matter how much we weigh and we/I should enjoy the journey to being fit and healthy and not delude myself/ourselves or have unreasonable expectations.

Not sure if anyone really read that, but it felt good to get it out there! So, I have to say thank you for the topic and the opportunity to get real with myself (and anyone else who might find inspiration in something I said!)

XXXMinnieXXX

This is totally normal, and happens to me also everytime I start really wanting to loose weight, feeling determined and bam it hits me really bad, this self loathing. Its awful. I think its just your more self aware, but also because you really want to do something, and you want it done quickly its frustrating. It does pass. One thing I did which actually helped is keep a diary and at the end of each day I wrote atleast 1 thing I was proud of myself for that day, it helped getting emotions out and to see myself in a more positive weight. My motto now is that every day I will do something to make myself proud. It can be something small or something big. X

rjsbdsjas

I also struggle with emotional eating. In fact, joining MFP has made me realize more and more that if I didn't eat to calm stress, soothe sadness and curb anger I wouldn't have a weight problem at all! If the day is going well and eat my planned meals, including "treats" from time to time - basically eating whatever I like to eat - I easily keep to a low calorie level that would MAINTAIN my GOAL weight (and I have over 80 lbs to lose!) IF (big if!) I didn't use food as a crutch.

When starting a diet or making any change that positively effects my physical body I often will also find that I hate my body more than usual. I think it is because I am focusing on it and every imperfection is magnified.

I'm reading a great book on the subject of emotional eating right now - "Life is Hard - Food is Easy: The 5-Step Plan to Overcome Emotional Eating and Lose Weight on Any Diet" by Linda Spangle, RN, MA. It contains a lot of "you are not the only one doing this" information as well as many practical solutions. I highly recommend it!