"You've lost enough weight now"

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  • lozzae85
    lozzae85 Posts: 35
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    I dont always think that this is something someone will say because they are jealous. My friend lost a lot of weight last year after she broke up with the partner and she looked ill. You could see her ribs and hip bones. We were very concerned about her and we would constatly tell her that she had done well to lose weight but thet she had lost enough and should stop dieting.

    She had an eating disorder.

    We were saying it because we loved her. not because we were jealous.
  • Nikstergirl
    Nikstergirl Posts: 1,549 Member
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    I get this too. I'm not quite to where I want to be, but at least I'm healthy now. I know the people who say that are well-meaning, but they don't realize how far I've come and how much more I have to go. I just smile and thank them for caring, I don't have to tell them I'd still like to lose a few more pounds!!! Of course, they love my energy and are proud of my running and stuff, so it's all good! These last few pounds have been trying for months to leave, but they are like an annoying roommate who just WON'T leave!! Ugh...
  • wordynerd76
    wordynerd76 Posts: 6
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    The way I see it, it could be one of four things:

    1) You're being crabby and/or otherwise acting unhappy about the diet/exercise regimen and they would rather you be happy than miserable. (My hubby unwittingly tells me he loves me the way I am - which is great, but completely undermines me when I'm having a bad day. I'd rather he say something like "you can't stop now, you've come so far".)

    2) You've become like the newly-quit smoker who preaches about how he was "saved" and how "evil" smoking is... only with diet/exercise. To the point of annoying the crap out of everyone around you by telling them about how unhealthy they eat and how they should exercize more. (Even if you mean well, this behavior is SUPER annoying!!)

    3) You've replaced one addiction (food) with another (diet/exercise) and your loved-ones are concerned that it could lead to annorexia. (I have a friend in this situation right now but she's too far in denial to see it.)

    4) You're already *at* the annorexia point and your loved-ones are trying to reach you before you get worse.
  • Evelyn_22
    Evelyn_22 Posts: 70 Member
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    I used to get this from my mom when i was around 135-140. It kinda made me feel good.
  • fitphoenix
    fitphoenix Posts: 9,673 Member
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    At least in my experience with being told this, I think most people have meant it in good faith. They're used to the old me and they're having trouble reconciling the new me to that old image. I found it very easy to brush of people in the general co-worker/acquaintance category.

    I had a little more trouble hearing it from a family member and my house-mate. I reminded myself that they are just looking out for me and want to ensure that I don't take things too far. (I have a somewhat obsessive personality, and my family has a history of eating disorders.) But I would be happy to sit down and have a long and involved discussion with anyone who will listen about how I want to be *healthy*, not skinny. I'm lifting barbells at the gym and eating enough calories to fuel this part of my journey, thank you very much. Sometimes I point out that what they see when they look at me in my flattering clothing is not the same thing I see standing naked in front of a mirror letting it all hang out. ;)

    These days, people tend to leave me alone when I tell them that I'm concentrating on losing fat and gaining muscle at this point. ^_^
  • wordynerd76
    wordynerd76 Posts: 6
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    Honestly I think after youve lost a significant amount of weight it makes you look smaller than you might be, just because they are so used to looking at a "bigger" you. With that said, if you are in the healthy range and aren't trying to go to a underweight or unhealthy weight, I would disregard the comments. ...

    appreciate they think you look good how you are now, we are our worst critics and sometimes outsiders see what we dont.

    Ditto!!
  • SalishSea
    SalishSea Posts: 373 Member
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    Mostly I get people telling me how great I look! It feels so good to hear that. It gives me inspiration and determination to keep going.

    The other day my MIL said, "you could stop now" I said, "I want to be 150#" She said, " well that will be too thin". I said, "it is a healthy weight for me". I can't believe someone was trying to talk me into reconsidering my progress and momentum!

    I think my MIL meant well. But it would be nice if people said:

    You look great
    How are you doing it
    I'm proud of you
    Can you help me


    Among others. I LOVE to hear how great I look! Best feeling ever!
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    i say that i am not losing weight anymore and smile.
  • brookepenni
    brookepenni Posts: 787 Member
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    Yeah Ive been getting it lots lately too. I still have a BMI (which I know isnt everything) of 27.1 - so I know a few more kilo's wont hurt me. I have 3.2 to go - but people tell me quite often I am starting to look too skinny. I just stick to the plan :)

    I often thinks it is because of jealousy, and perhaps ignorance. I mean some people really do have no idea on how to be healthy or what healthy is or looks like.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    I haven't said it in those words, but I did very cautiously ask my husband how much more weight he wanted to lose. After he lost 50lbs, he looked very different. At 70 lbs down, I can't imagine him much skinnier, but honestly, he could probably go another 40 and still be in a healthy weight catagory.

    My hubs is very muscular though, and I would hate to see him lose that. However, it's not my body, so I can't tell him what to do.

    And I'm not a doctor, so I don't even know.
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
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    I dont always think that this is something someone will say because they are jealous. My friend lost a lot of weight last year after she broke up with the partner and she looked ill. You could see her ribs and hip bones. We were very concerned about her and we would constatly tell her that she had done well to lose weight but thet she had lost enough and should stop dieting.

    She had an eating disorder.

    We were saying it because we loved her. not because we were jealous.

    I think there are differences in the way someone comes across when they are generally concerned for your well being and when they are just trying to give a compliment/or insult in a weird dysfunctional way.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    I think a good way to get people off your back is to tell them that according to your BMI, you're still overweight and therefore at a higher risk for a bunch of diseases. It's actually surprising. I've had friends who have lost a ton of weight and look awesome, and it turns out they still got more to lose based on those calculations.
  • abyt42
    abyt42 Posts: 1,358 Member
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    The only person who gets a say in this, other than me, is my husband. Because, honestly, his opinion matters to me.... And, after 23 years, he's figured out that I'm a little sensitive about my weight/appearance/family/politics/stuff, so couches his opinion with statements like, "While you're attractive at whatever weight, [insert opinion here]."

    This is a far cry from the accidental use of the word "gut" when we were much younger....and the "not any fatter than you look in the rest of your clothes" (to be fair, I've not asked that question again.)
  • stopdropandstay
    stopdropandstay Posts: 16 Member
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    there is definitely something about seeing others succeed that makes people angry. I won't lie, I have a very small amount of annoyance when my friend works out because I feel like that's "my thing". But it's stupid. People always tell me that I'm too skinny, or I don't need to lose weight, but it honestly doesn't affect me. They don't understand what being "skinny fat" means, and honestly, I'm not that skinny. I'm pretty average, and I look practically the same as all my other friends. i guess when you break out of that circle of "average' people will do whatever it takes to pull you back in. They don't want you to be "better". But yeah, I'm doing this for me, and so no matter what anyone says to me, EVER, it's not that I DON'T let it affect me, it's that it just doesn't. I will tell myself when to stop, and it's honestly nobody else's business in what i do, or what I'm trying to do. I want to look good, feel good, and know that I'm doing something better for myself, and so whenever someone tells me that what I'm doing is "useless" or unnecessary, I just think about how I'll show them, and prove them wrong after.
  • minadeathclutch
    minadeathclutch Posts: 375 Member
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    Yes, I get this from a "friend" who is jealous of my weight loss. According to her if I lost anymore weight I will look "bad" because I'm "naturally a big girl" and shouldn't be "small" :-/

    Gotta love "friends"!

    wow screw that friend! lmao that would not be my friend ever again haha
  • kgordon7
    kgordon7 Posts: 130 Member
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    It gets on my freaking nerves. I could really hurt their feelings by saying, "You've gained enough weight now", but nope I just smile and say it in my head. I don't tell you when to stop gaining, so I think I can decide when to stop losing.

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  • kgordon7
    kgordon7 Posts: 130 Member
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    Oh yeah, some people are just jealous :)
  • kgordon7
    kgordon7 Posts: 130 Member
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    OMG, I can't believe she would say that, and by the way you look GREAT! I've had plenty of people to tell me that's enough, but since those comments, I've gotten smaller and still look great and not sickly.
    Yes, I get this from a "friend" who is jealous of my weight loss. According to her if I lost anymore weight I will look "bad" because I'm "naturally a big girl" and shouldn't be "small" :-/

    Gotta love "friends"!
  • Surisaddai
    Surisaddai Posts: 142 Member
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    I have shared my journey with pretty much anyone who will listen, and once I reached my first goal of 45lbs I said I wanted to go for another 30. One of my co-workers who was being really nice asked me where was I going to get it from, and even though it was sweet of her to actually see me as small I know that is what I need for me to be out of the overweight BMI range :/
  • kayleesays
    kayleesays Posts: 564 Member
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    Parents... they have no idea how much I weigh and keep telling me my "diet" is "stupid" and I should just "eat what I want".

    My favorite is "you're not fat". No **** I'm not fat! Does that mean I'm not allowed to lose a little weight and watch what I eat?

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