need some guy advice asap

tylersmama1224

so my husband and I have been separated for a little over a year now, I walked out, long story. I want to work things out and he is single again and we have discussed it with not really a decision on either end. a couple of weeks ago he messaged me talking about he wants to have sex with me again.... wtf? does this mean he wants to work things out or is he just looking for a piece of *kitten*? he has even talked about taking me out to dinner and a movie, but he is talking really sexual with me and says he misses sleeping with me... but then when I try to talk to him about other things like seeing my son more often and him letting my son stay over with me, he says no, you know how things are.... I am so confused and need guy advice.

DarrenSeeley

Honestly, it sounds like he is trying to use you.

If he wants to rebuild the relationship then that's great, but you should tell him that you don't want it to be based around sex. I would even go so far as to suggest you ban the subject as this will allow you to concentrate on the foundation of any new relationship you can build together without the physical part getting in the way.

Just be careful and never give something you feel uncomfortable about; your instinct will usually be right.

Best wishes and I hope things work out for you

tylersmama1224

Thank you. I have been so confused lately. I want so badly for things to work out, my son deserves a family.

Prestonofcourse

without knowing more details this sounds messed up to me. he wants to take you on a date and bang you, but not work on other areas? sounds like he is horny.

50nfit124

without knowing more details this sounds messed up to me. he wants to take you on a date and bang you, but not work on other areas? sounds like he is horny.

"ditto"

tylersmama1224

Well, that is kind of it. It was a nasty split and things have not been civil this entire time, then out of the blue, he is nice. Kissed me the last time I saw him and said he wishes we could have been a family. Then starts with all this sexting and has me just sitting here scratching my head.

solarpower03

Well if he is your son's Dad, then he should be worried about him rather than more about satisfying his biological needs. For me, my son has always come first- before anything that I need and my partner has taken advantage of this to certain degree. Without sounding objective, I would suggest stay away unless he sees you and your son as integrated pillars of family.

tylersmama1224

He takes excellent care of our son, there is no question there.

solarpower03

He takes excellent care of our son, there is no question there.

If that is the case, won't your son be happy with both mum and dad?

Maggie821

Have to agree with the others here - trust your instincts! While we don't know what transpired between the two of you, it's obvious you know this isn't what you want. Stay strong, focus on yourself and your son - things will look better down the road!

Matt_Wild

I'd say don't do it. He doesn't want you in a relationship sense, he wants sex and a place to put his head.

tylersmama1224

Absolutely no doubt there. I just need to know if he is willing to do the work required to make things work. We married fast and had a kid within our first year together. Our son is special needs and it really took a toll on us and instead of working it out, we stuffed it down and let it fester. There are things he needs to commit to before we try again. But I don't know if he even wants to try again, or if he is just trying to get into my pants.

Natx83

No deal he is not interested in a relationship at all.

tylersmama1224

Thank you for all of the excellent advice guys! I want things to work between us, but there has to be work on both ends, not just sex.

AntWrig

I'd say don't do it. He doesn't want you in a relationship sense, he wants sex and a place to put his head.

Concur.

Marley112586

Im not a man. Sorry if im butting my nose where it doesnt belong But I dont nessicarily think its going to be based off sex or hes just horny. My husband is a very sexual person(only with me dont worry :P) And thats just how he shows affection. We have a great realtionship. We communicate. We trust. Everything is as it should be. Was that how he showed affection when yall were married or is this a new development? He might be torn. Maybe he wants you but hes just afraid of getting hurt again so he pulls back when the more real things come into play?

twinsanity

Thank you. I have been so confused lately. I want so badly for things to work out, my son deserves a family.

For starters, this isn't the reason to get back together. All your son deserves is two parents in his life that love him to pieces and are willing to put his needs above their own. You don't have to be together for that to happen.

From what little information we have to go on here, I'd say he's looking for a piece of *kitten*. I'd say it's also likely that he's testing the water to see what he can get. I think it's a great idea to put a ban on the whole subject until both of you are ready to sit down and talk about the fundementals of the relationship, what went wrong in the first place, and how you plan on correcting it and moving forward. Without that step, it's doomed for failure because you're not taking the time to fix the problem, you're just putting a bandaid over it and hoping it gets better. It won't, I promise. It takes constant work to make a marriage work.

hongruss

OK this is coming from a single Father that has full residency. Without judging I can understand why he may be reluctant to let your son stay over, it can be confusing & disruptive to the child & he then has to pick the peices up. Now for the sexting, he is probably lonely & maybe hasn't the time to invest in a new relationship, but he thnks he can get his thang on by playing you with sweet words. Yer he probably misses you, Yer he probably wanted to work it out BUT that was a year ago, he thought FU, because he was angry, spread his seed & thought he had it all, BUT now a year later he realises the dating scene is a viper pit & his responsibilities take precedence! Wait maybe I can talk nice to the ex & get a booty call.

If he is serious, he will be looking at ways of intergrating you back into the family routine. This has to be your focus & then if the feelings are still there, then by all means "Get it On"

Russ

tylersmama1224

Im not a man. Sorry if im butting my nose where it doesnt belong But I dont nessicarily think its going to be based off sex or hes just horny. My husband is a very sexual person(only with me dont worry :P) And thats just how he shows affection. We have a great realtionship. We communicate. We trust. Everything is as it should be. Was that how he showed affection when yall were married or is this a new development? He might be torn. Maybe he wants you but hes just afraid of getting hurt again so he pulls back when the more real things come into play?

This is where I am torn because it was his way of showing affection. He has been holding my hand and kissing and hugging me, even told me he misses me. But he has expressed concern over being hurt again and I completely understand... just kind of don't know what to say to him to get out of him what he wants.

grassette

There is a really great program that helps couples to reconcile. It is called Retrouvaille. It starts with a weekend, and with weekly sessions that go on for 3 months, and really work on re-establishing communication within the couple. If the program takes place in another city, you can do the sessions by conference call. Nobody gets between the couples, so that it is only the two of you. It might be just the thing that will help you and your husband connect again. Do look into it. They have a website: http://www.retrouvaille.org

samf36

I would insist on couples counclsing . Having a special needs child is very, very stressful on a marriage. Issues need to be worked out before the is a booty call.

WingMan380

If he was serious about working things out he would not have started off by telling you he wanted sex. I spent the first 13 years of my marriage thinking it was all about sex and how to get it next. When I changed my prespective and realized that marriage was about making my wife happy and not myself, our marriage imporved dramatically including our sex life.

militarydreams

He just wants sex, stay away from him

tylersmama1224

OK this is coming from a single Father that has full residency. Without judging I can understand why he may be reluctant to let your son stay over, it can be confusing & disruptive to the child & he then has to pick the peices up. Now for the sexting, he is probably lonely & maybe hasn't the time to invest in a new relationship, but he thnks he can get his thang on by playing you with sweet words. Yer he probably misses you, Yer he probably wanted to work it out BUT that was a year ago, he thought FU, because he was angry, spread his seed & thought he had it all, BUT now a year later he realises the dating scene is a viper pit & his responsibilities take precedence! Wait maybe I can talk nice to the ex & get a booty call.

If he is serious, he will be looking at ways of intergrating you back into the family routine. This has to be your focus & then if the feelings are still there, then by all means "Get it On"

Russ

That's what has been so hard. I had our son, he practically told me to take him when I moved out, then when he started dating this woman since custody wasn't arranged yet, he took my son on a normal visit and never brought him home. He said he had a new mommy and I was no longer needed. I devoted everything I had to my son, I was a stay at home mother for almost four years. I didn't persue school or work because his therapy needed all my attention and I did everything I could. I think it would be good my our son to see me more, I only get to see him once a week as it is and that is just because we live so far apart. Thank you though, it does sound like a booty call to me too.

rml_16

Never mind. My question was answered.

Now that I've read more, I'm wondering why you would want to rekindle a marriage with a manipulative creep?

Matt_Wild

This is where I am torn because it was his way of showing affection. He has been holding my hand and kissing and hugging me, even told me he misses me. But he has expressed concern over being hurt again and I completely understand... just kind of don't know what to say to him to get out of him what he wants.

You show affection to get T&A. It wouldn't work to be mean and expect it, would it?

tylersmama1224

There is a really great program that helps couples to reconcile. It is called Retrouvaille. It starts with a weekend, and with weekly sessions that go on for 3 months, and really work on re-establishing communication within the couple. If the program takes place in another city, you can do the sessions by conference call. Nobody gets between the couples, so that it is only the two of you. It might be just the thing that will help you and your husband connect again. Do look into it. They have a website: http://www.retrouvaille.org

Thank you, I will def look into this.

tylersmama1224

Never mind. My question was answered.

Now that I've read more, I'm wondering why you would want to rekindle a marriage with a manipulative creep?

Yes, it is our son.

AR73

Without knowing the full details is hard to tell but sounds like he is just horny.

Marley112586

Im not a man. Sorry if im butting my nose where it doesnt belong But I dont nessicarily think its going to be based off sex or hes just horny. My husband is a very sexual person(only with me dont worry :P) And thats just how he shows affection. We have a great realtionship. We communicate. We trust. Everything is as it should be. Was that how he showed affection when yall were married or is this a new development? He might be torn. Maybe he wants you but hes just afraid of getting hurt again so he pulls back when the more real things come into play?

This is where I am torn because it was his way of showing affection. He has been holding my hand and kissing and hugging me, even told me he misses me. But he has expressed concern over being hurt again and I completely understand... just kind of don't know what to say to him to get out of him what he wants.

I would just straight out ask him where yall stand. Ask him if he wants to start over. Start with little dinner and movie dates or just going to a coffee shop and talking. It doesnt have to be much but just see if he is interested in the one on one intellectual part. If hes not then theres your answer. But dont push. Very small steps.

tylersmama1224

Never mind. My question was answered.

Now that I've read more, I'm wondering why you would want to rekindle a marriage with a manipulative creep?

Yes, it is our son.

He has great qualities, just isn't great about talking things out. I have always seen the best in him and he can be a great guy when he tries.