Bitter friend.

sparkly96

When you diet it seems some people around you throw bad foods your way or at least try. Unfortunately people dont want to hear about others successful weight loss, especially when they have weight to lose too and may be struggling. I'm not saying your friends behavior is right because its totally wrong. A real friend will support you no matter what.
I have been offered desserts and when i turn them down people are like come on just have a little and again when i turn them away they are like wtf?? I've gotten over the whole "i dont care if im being rude by not taking offered food". It's their problem not mine. If they cant understand or accept your lifestyle change maybe its time to move on to other friends who will.

RunHardBeStrong

This "friend" isn't really your friend. Her insecurities are her own issues to deal with. I'm sorry you're going through this, because it sucks to lose friends, but you really don't need someone like her in your life right now.

Congrats on your success so far! Keep it up!

As sad as it is, I agree with this. I know how you feel, I've been there. My best friend has become extremely distant since I've lost weight and gotten healthier. At first I took it personally and eventually learned it is her insecurities causing the gap and nothing I did. I have however made great new friends because of my getting healthier and working out. A couple of my greatest friends I met at the gym and we have common interests besides working out etc. It's also great because I have some great workout partners. People change, goals and interests shift. May be time to find some more friends with like goals and interest.

Genevievesbees

" I'll have to take a break from people who couldn't do that. "

I think is the best advice. Who knows the reasons behind her behaviors but if you have been friends for a long time it is worth not writing her off. At some point you two may be in a place where you can resume the type of friendship that you had.

LaylaSparkles

delete***

Amanda_Rae_Rae

That is most likely one of the biggest problems. We wouldn't really go out to eat that much, but we would drink almost every weekend. This weekend we are supposed to go out for St. Pattys day and I know she really wants me to have a drink or two, and I understand if I don't she will most likely be upset about it. Like one of you said I know she's had to make compromises, and I should try and do that for her.

My1985Freckles

I'm going to play devil's advocate - think about it from her side. She is used to going out for pizza or ice cream with you and now she can't. The things that you use to do together you no longer want to do. It might feel like you are participating by showing up but it might not feel the same to her. She is most likley feeling neglected. So try a compromise - she wants ice cream so why not suggest a park with an ice cream parlor near by? You get in your exercise in and then order a small treat afterwards. Or if there are nights that you know you are going to go out save up some calories or do an extra work out so you can eat/drink a little more. I'm sure that she won't notice that you aren't eating as much but she will definetly notice if your not ordering anything! And if you are feeling couragous - ask her about it. A simple way to start - "Hey, Since I've been losing weight I've noticed a change in our friendship. I really cherish our friendship and noticed that you seem angry at me. What can I do to make sure that we have fun together but still stick to my goals?"

I personally try to look at things from both perspectives before making rash judgments about jealousy and or she is not your friend...

If you think about it, your changing your life. I am sure somewhere deep down inside of your friend she is happy for you. However, think about it from her side of things. All those things that you two did together, eating out, sharing icecream, being couch potatoes if thats what you did, I dont know....thats all changed. Its a life changer for her too, A change she didnt ask for or anticipate happening. So yes she is bitter and no she is not giving the support you need, but its not because she doesnt love you its just because she was not ready for this change. Try a bit more patience and push her to open up and get it all out, how she feels about all this if you are really that close, if not then just distance yourself and see how that goes.

Just my two cents...who knows I could be wrong but I know change is hard for all people. Not just the person who is changing but for all who are involved in your life.

Ditto these two. I'm doing this lifestyle change as are a few of my friends, but if we say we are having a pizza party, I would be VERY offended if they showed up and didn't order anything. This was a party and not a last minute type deal (the ice cream invite sounds like it was). You should have planned into your allowance a slice or two of pizza. Likewise, if you really want to keep her as a friend (which is for you to decide), maybe pre-plan an ice cream outing that way you know friday night I am having ice cream, I am going to save a few extra calories to make sure I can have a treat.

What you did by going to a pizza party you knew about well in advance and not eating anything, was say "Hey, Jenny. The food you eat just makes you a big fat cow and I don't want any part of it. You can be a big fat cow all by yourself." Sure, you didn't actually say that, but I'm sure she felt very judged.

Hakarn

I have encountered a somewhat similar situation. I have been supporting my mother in changing her life style for many years. Whenever she starts dieting or exercising, I cheer her on as much as possible. Her sisters, on the other hand, are huge enablers. Whenever we all have dinner together, I hint to my mother that she will probably feel sick and down with herself if she has multiple pieces of cake. Her sisters then start attacking me, along with doing the eye roll BS, and telling her to eat more. Then, behind her back they tell me how great she looks and how they think it is wonderful that she is trying to change.

I do not think your friend is your enemy like many others are saying. I believe she still cares about you. micki said:

its like they think we're trying to change them or make them feel bad about what they're eating.

They don't want to be against you, but at the same time they don't know how to properly deal with the situation. Just as you want her to be supportive of you, you need to realize that she may feel left out of your new lifestyle and is fighting not to lose you. Try not to let it slow you down. If you can keep up your lifestyle and somehow manage to include her in it, she will come around.

audreygonzy

I know exactly what you're talking about! I love my best friend but she basically live on fast food which is a pain when I'm with her. When I log in my meals while we're together she calls me obsessive and thinks it's some crazy disorder I have. I just think it's so crazy that us being the ones paying attention to our health makes use the bad guys

Raynn1

Unfortunately friends can be cruel to each other without ever intending to be. I would suspect your friend is jealous of your weight loss efforts and is trying to sabotage you, (un)intentionally. Friends like that can make it very hard for you to be proud of your accomplishments, even if you never brag about them in the first place.
The problem lies with her, not you. YOU are not responsible for her poor behaviour. If she keeps asking for you to go out for treats, keep telling her No Thank you. If she keeps making comments about why you choose not to eat anything while out, call her on it! "Why is it any of your concern whether I choose to eat at home or eat out??" You will probably find her insults stop soon after that.

And there is nothing wrong with taking a step back. In fact let her know that too. "I can't continue to be friends with you, if you are going to deliberately try to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I need support, not jealousy"


You can only control what YOU do. And you need to decide whether to let her get under your skin or not.
Be proud of your accomplishments.

SoDamnHungry

Wow, your friend isn't a very good one. Especially if she's ignoring all of your calls and texts, too. I don't know what to say about that.

I feel like I'm constantly being sabotaged. I tell people not to buy me food and they buy me a bag of cookies. My boyfriend, who I only see on weekends, was baking a loaf of fresh bread when I got there last weekend. He's never baked it before in his life, but now that I'm dieting he does. Ugh.

dragonsheart84

My mother lives with my husband and I. I have been trying not to buy crap and bring it into the house. I have told her this on numerous occasions and she still brings it in and claims it is for the girls. So the girls have something to eat. yeah right, you want me to stay as big as you are so you can feel better about your own weight issue. When she sees me doing any form of exercise she rolls her eyes. She told me once, I wont change for anyone. I am not about to stop eating what I want to eat to please someone else. Although I do want to look good for my husband, I am doing this for me. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. The lowest adult weight I have been was 207 lbs back in 2007-8 after my daughter was born. I had to have a hysterectomy after that and I was at 215 for a while. My mom moved in and the stress started and I ballooned up to 248 lbs. I don't blame her. I blame myself but I wish she would just support it instead of doing the off handed comments or bringing temptations into the house.

annafonte

People just tend to laugh at what I'm doing. A lot of people roll their eyes. One colleague of mine, behind my back started saying to my friend, why is she calorie counting? If she's on a diet, shouldn't she do this or that?

I'm just leaving people to their own things because they've obviously got nothing else better too do with their lives and concentrate on mine.

Anyways, I'm 8 pounds lighter and better off!

Don't worry, you'll have the last laugh. Unfortunately it is the way life goes and the way people are.!!!

fionarama

That is most likely one of the biggest problems. We wouldn't really go out to eat that much, but we would drink almost every weekend. This weekend we are supposed to go out for St. Pattys day and I know she really wants me to have a drink or two, and I understand if I don't she will most likely be upset about it. Like one of you said I know she's had to make compromises, and I should try and do that for her.

thats it then, it really is alcohol. People who like to drink find drinking buddies. Is called enabling or something isn't it?
You can go out withher and factor in your calories/drinks portion butyou need to tell her you no longer drink like you used to, and you may find you have to see less of her if you want to be successful in your goals.

Tannedtiffers

Yes, and to be honest, for me it is so hard to be around them. When i was first dropping weight they were supportive all the time. Now, since dropping over 120 lbs., hardly ever do I hear anything positive. I'm the one that will send out motivation stuff, wtg texts and just trying to keep positivity going with friends and family and i am the one that feels left out. This has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster for me.

I'm sorry you are having to go through it, but keep your chin up and do what's right for you.

bushidowoman

I'm going to play devil's advocate - think about it from her side. She is used to going out for pizza or ice cream with you and now she can't. The things that you use to do together you no longer want to do. It might feel like you are participating by showing up but it might not feel the same to her. She is most likley feeling neglected. So try a compromise - she wants ice cream so why not suggest a park with an ice cream parlor near by? You get in your exercise in and then order a small treat afterwards. Or if there are nights that you know you are going to go out save up some calories or do an extra work out so you can eat/drink a little more. I'm sure that she won't notice that you aren't eating as much but she will definetly notice if your not ordering anything! And if you are feeling couragous - ask her about it. A simple way to start - "Hey, Since I've been losing weight I've noticed a change in our friendship. I really cherish our friendship and noticed that you seem angry at me. What can I do to make sure that we have fun together but still stick to my goals?"

I personally try to look at things from both perspectives before making rash judgments about jealousy and or she is not your friend...

If you think about it, your changing your life. I am sure somewhere deep down inside of your friend she is happy for you. However, think about it from her side of things. All those things that you two did together, eating out, sharing icecream, being couch potatoes if thats what you did, I dont know....thats all changed. Its a life changer for her too, A change she didnt ask for or anticipate happening. So yes she is bitter and no she is not giving the support you need, but its not because she doesnt love you its just because she was not ready for this change. Try a bit more patience and push her to open up and get it all out, how she feels about all this if you are really that close, if not then just distance yourself and see how that goes.

Just my two cents...who knows I could be wrong but I know change is hard for all people. Not just the person who is changing but for all who are involved in your life.

Ditto these two. I'm doing this lifestyle change as are a few of my friends, but if we say we are having a pizza party, I would be VERY offended if they showed up and didn't order anything. This was a party and not a last minute type deal (the ice cream invite sounds like it was). You should have planned into your allowance a slice or two of pizza. Likewise, if you really want to keep her as a friend (which is for you to decide), maybe pre-plan an ice cream outing that way you know friday night I am having ice cream, I am going to save a few extra calories to make sure I can have a treat.

What you did by going to a pizza party you knew about well in advance and not eating anything, was say "Hey, Jenny. The food you eat just makes you a big fat cow and I don't want any part of it. You can be a big fat cow all by yourself." Sure, you didn't actually say that, but I'm sure she felt very judged.

I personally would budget the pizza into my day and enjoy it with my friend. I've figured out that 2-3 slices of thin crust veggie or cheese pizza with a salad won't ruin my day (the sodium content may make me retain water and appear as though I've gained a pound the next day...it goes away, though.) If my friend wanted to go for ice cream, I might suggest a place that offers frozen yogurt or sorbet.
(This is easier when you have an iphone...there are apps out there, like Dottie's Food Score, that have nutritional information listed for tons of eating establishments. If I'm gonna be traveling or eating with friends, I pull it up and figure out what I'm going to order before I get there. But if you don't have an iphone, you could still Google.)
Not only will you still be enjoying time with your friend, she will see by your example that people don't have to give up everything fun to be healthy.

sam363

That is most likely one of the biggest problems. We wouldn't really go out to eat that much, but we would drink almost every weekend. This weekend we are supposed to go out for St. Pattys day and I know she really wants me to have a drink or two, and I understand if I don't she will most likely be upset about it. Like one of you said I know she's had to make compromises, and I should try and do that for her.

thats it then, it really is alcohol. People who like to drink find drinking buddies. Is called enabling or something isn't it?
You can go out withher and factor in your calories/drinks portion butyou need to tell her you no longer drink like you used to, and you may find you have to see less of her if you want to be successful in your goals.

She does want a drinking buddy! I would want my friend to have a few with me. I wouldn't call it enabling if it's a once in awhile thing. You can compromise and set a limit for yourself and let her know that next weekend you will not be going out. Find a balance for yourself and your friend will respect that. She will love the fact that you are willing to go out and have fun with her this one time. Personally, I would be really disappointed if my friend bailed on me a couple days before.

gertudejekyl

Don't go to food events and not eat anything. Don't make others uncomfortable about their eating by sitting there not eating anything! Just try to eat some and be part of the group or don't go.

Shaz_74

Don't go to food events and not eat anything. Don't make others uncomfortable about their eating by sitting there not eating anything! Just try to eat some and be part of the group or don't go.

^^This.

While losing weight I have to walk a tightrope when it comes to socializing and "social eating."
I eat before going out (like the OP did) but always leave room to have something with the friend(s) and do things like fill up my plate with salad, have thin crust veggie pizza, water instead of soda, etc... I don't even think anyone notices!

I'd feel (and probably look) like a real tool just sitting there while everyone's eating.
It's a balancing act for sure but absolutely necessary for long term health, fitness and keeping friends.