Bitter friend.

LaylaSparkles

I personally try to look at things from both perspectives before making rash judgments about jealousy and or she is not your friend...

If you think about it, your changing your life. I am sure somewhere deep down inside of your friend she is happy for you. However, think about it from her side of things. All those things that you two did together, eating out, sharing icecream, being couch potatoes if thats what you did, I dont know....thats all changed. Its a life changer for her too, A change she didnt ask for or anticipate happening. So yes she is bitter and no she is not giving the support you need, but its not because she doesnt love you its just because she was not ready for this change. Try a bit more patience and push her to open up and get it all out, how she feels about all this if you are really that close, if not then just distance yourself and see how that goes.

Just my two cents...who knows I could be wrong but I know change is hard for all people. Not just the person who is changing but for all who are involved in your life.

CrazyDaisysMommy

I don't know the details about your friendship, but sometimes when people change the "roles" they've played in a relationship, the other person doesn't know how to adjust. I used to be the supportive friend to a woman who was glad to have me in her life as long as she was the cute one and I didn't get the male attention. When I started to be more confident and assert myself socially she decided to get rid of me. Maybe your friend doesn't like your new, positive lifestyle because it takes the attention away from her? It stinks to drift apart from a friend but in the end, you deserve to get back what you put into your relationships. Keep doing what you're doing and she might come around.

EricNCSU

Sounds like she's not your best friend anymore. That sucks.

ARDuBaie

I have a similar problem with a friend of mine. I play cards on Saturday night at her house. She and her brother are overweight. She had bypass surgery, but has more or less given up after losing a bunch of weight. Her brother has diabetes. The amount of carbs and other high calorie foods that they serve as snacks makes my head spin. She often makes food using Splenda, but the food is still high calorie because it has fats and flour and such in it. She doesn't understand that I am not on a 'sugar-free diet', but an entire lifestyle change which includes calorie reduction. Maybe she does understand, but she is just not dealing with it well. I don't know. I just accept the fact that she is not all that supportive and bring my own snacks.

I have given this advice to many people: You can handle these things in one of two ways. If you choose to expect them to be supportive and they are not, then you are going to be disappointed by them all the time. On the other hand, if you choose to expect them to be unsupportive and they continue on that path, then you will never be disappointed. Then, if they ever do give you support, you will be pleasantly overjoyed.

The choice is yours. Do you want to be disappointed all the time or not? If you can't reduce your expectation to the level of not expecting support, then the best thing to do is lose the unsupportive friend. Both of you will only become frustrated if you continue the relationship.

jamiesadler

Sometimes its the people closest to you that do the most damage. She may be jealous or feel like since you are changing she is going to lose her friend.

poedunk65

Unfortunaley my wife! Last night she made a pan full of brownies. She said I made it for our son, but she knows i have no self control. I just cannot get her to understand that I need the support of my family and that she could have let him have an apple or something instead of making brownies!.

fionarama

Sounds like an addict (alcoholic for example) being separated from their addiction. Was a big part of your friendship going out and eating together?
Maybe the kick she was getting out of the friendship was pigging out with someone who was maybe bigger than her which made her feel ok about doing it, or something.
maybe have a think about the friendship in terms of where food fitted into the equation.

I'm quite horrified by how so many people in this thread automatically think the person should just cut her friend out of her life. Maybe it will take some time to adjust. Maybe you need to talk and tell her how you feel and how much you care about the friendship. but you wouldn't be much of a friend if you just cut someone out the minute they don't behave exactly in the way you want.

gp79

It's a defense mechanism because they know how much hard work it takes and they're plain ole' lazy. Taking their faults out on you.

TeresaWash

Yes, with my sister and some friends, but my sister really bothers me. OMG... I've been fat since I was 6, really you can't be happy for me. I weighed over 400 pounds (that's so hard to say). I was so frickon unhealthy, if you are so jealous cuz I'm losing weight and looking good can you at least be happy that I'm healthier? And that's the approach I have started taking with people. I always turn it around to my health, not my size or how I look. It seems to make it not so hard for them.

Keep up the good work!

finchest

your good choices are probably making her feel bad and insecure about her own bad choices with food and fitness (or lack thereof) - don't sweat it. there's nothing you can do. she just doesn't want to feel bad about herself, but she's obviously comparing her lack of effort to your hard work. all you can do is not bring it up and focus on other common ground, ie. food-free activities.

sparkly96

When you diet it seems some people around you throw bad foods your way or at least try. Unfortunately people dont want to hear about others successful weight loss, especially when they have weight to lose too and may be struggling. I'm not saying your friends behavior is right because its totally wrong. A real friend will support you no matter what.
I have been offered desserts and when i turn them down people are like come on just have a little and again when i turn them away they are like wtf?? I've gotten over the whole "i dont care if im being rude by not taking offered food". It's their problem not mine. If they cant understand or accept your lifestyle change maybe its time to move on to other friends who will.

RunHardBeStrong

This "friend" isn't really your friend. Her insecurities are her own issues to deal with. I'm sorry you're going through this, because it sucks to lose friends, but you really don't need someone like her in your life right now.

Congrats on your success so far! Keep it up!

As sad as it is, I agree with this. I know how you feel, I've been there. My best friend has become extremely distant since I've lost weight and gotten healthier. At first I took it personally and eventually learned it is her insecurities causing the gap and nothing I did. I have however made great new friends because of my getting healthier and working out. A couple of my greatest friends I met at the gym and we have common interests besides working out etc. It's also great because I have some great workout partners. People change, goals and interests shift. May be time to find some more friends with like goals and interest.

Genevievesbees

" I'll have to take a break from people who couldn't do that. "

I think is the best advice. Who knows the reasons behind her behaviors but if you have been friends for a long time it is worth not writing her off. At some point you two may be in a place where you can resume the type of friendship that you had.

LaylaSparkles

delete***

Amanda_Rae_Rae

That is most likely one of the biggest problems. We wouldn't really go out to eat that much, but we would drink almost every weekend. This weekend we are supposed to go out for St. Pattys day and I know she really wants me to have a drink or two, and I understand if I don't she will most likely be upset about it. Like one of you said I know she's had to make compromises, and I should try and do that for her.

My1985Freckles

I'm going to play devil's advocate - think about it from her side. She is used to going out for pizza or ice cream with you and now she can't. The things that you use to do together you no longer want to do. It might feel like you are participating by showing up but it might not feel the same to her. She is most likley feeling neglected. So try a compromise - she wants ice cream so why not suggest a park with an ice cream parlor near by? You get in your exercise in and then order a small treat afterwards. Or if there are nights that you know you are going to go out save up some calories or do an extra work out so you can eat/drink a little more. I'm sure that she won't notice that you aren't eating as much but she will definetly notice if your not ordering anything! And if you are feeling couragous - ask her about it. A simple way to start - "Hey, Since I've been losing weight I've noticed a change in our friendship. I really cherish our friendship and noticed that you seem angry at me. What can I do to make sure that we have fun together but still stick to my goals?"

I personally try to look at things from both perspectives before making rash judgments about jealousy and or she is not your friend...

If you think about it, your changing your life. I am sure somewhere deep down inside of your friend she is happy for you. However, think about it from her side of things. All those things that you two did together, eating out, sharing icecream, being couch potatoes if thats what you did, I dont know....thats all changed. Its a life changer for her too, A change she didnt ask for or anticipate happening. So yes she is bitter and no she is not giving the support you need, but its not because she doesnt love you its just because she was not ready for this change. Try a bit more patience and push her to open up and get it all out, how she feels about all this if you are really that close, if not then just distance yourself and see how that goes.

Just my two cents...who knows I could be wrong but I know change is hard for all people. Not just the person who is changing but for all who are involved in your life.

Ditto these two. I'm doing this lifestyle change as are a few of my friends, but if we say we are having a pizza party, I would be VERY offended if they showed up and didn't order anything. This was a party and not a last minute type deal (the ice cream invite sounds like it was). You should have planned into your allowance a slice or two of pizza. Likewise, if you really want to keep her as a friend (which is for you to decide), maybe pre-plan an ice cream outing that way you know friday night I am having ice cream, I am going to save a few extra calories to make sure I can have a treat.

What you did by going to a pizza party you knew about well in advance and not eating anything, was say "Hey, Jenny. The food you eat just makes you a big fat cow and I don't want any part of it. You can be a big fat cow all by yourself." Sure, you didn't actually say that, but I'm sure she felt very judged.

Hakarn

I have encountered a somewhat similar situation. I have been supporting my mother in changing her life style for many years. Whenever she starts dieting or exercising, I cheer her on as much as possible. Her sisters, on the other hand, are huge enablers. Whenever we all have dinner together, I hint to my mother that she will probably feel sick and down with herself if she has multiple pieces of cake. Her sisters then start attacking me, along with doing the eye roll BS, and telling her to eat more. Then, behind her back they tell me how great she looks and how they think it is wonderful that she is trying to change.

I do not think your friend is your enemy like many others are saying. I believe she still cares about you. micki said:

its like they think we're trying to change them or make them feel bad about what they're eating.

They don't want to be against you, but at the same time they don't know how to properly deal with the situation. Just as you want her to be supportive of you, you need to realize that she may feel left out of your new lifestyle and is fighting not to lose you. Try not to let it slow you down. If you can keep up your lifestyle and somehow manage to include her in it, she will come around.

audreygonzy

I know exactly what you're talking about! I love my best friend but she basically live on fast food which is a pain when I'm with her. When I log in my meals while we're together she calls me obsessive and thinks it's some crazy disorder I have. I just think it's so crazy that us being the ones paying attention to our health makes use the bad guys

Raynn1

Unfortunately friends can be cruel to each other without ever intending to be. I would suspect your friend is jealous of your weight loss efforts and is trying to sabotage you, (un)intentionally. Friends like that can make it very hard for you to be proud of your accomplishments, even if you never brag about them in the first place.
The problem lies with her, not you. YOU are not responsible for her poor behaviour. If she keeps asking for you to go out for treats, keep telling her No Thank you. If she keeps making comments about why you choose not to eat anything while out, call her on it! "Why is it any of your concern whether I choose to eat at home or eat out??" You will probably find her insults stop soon after that.

And there is nothing wrong with taking a step back. In fact let her know that too. "I can't continue to be friends with you, if you are going to deliberately try to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I need support, not jealousy"


You can only control what YOU do. And you need to decide whether to let her get under your skin or not.
Be proud of your accomplishments.

SoDamnHungry

Wow, your friend isn't a very good one. Especially if she's ignoring all of your calls and texts, too. I don't know what to say about that.

I feel like I'm constantly being sabotaged. I tell people not to buy me food and they buy me a bag of cookies. My boyfriend, who I only see on weekends, was baking a loaf of fresh bread when I got there last weekend. He's never baked it before in his life, but now that I'm dieting he does. Ugh.