not supportive other...

hellraisedfire

it isn't that he's against me losing weight so to say, but. he isn't really helpful. we were grocery shopping the other day and I was telling him I think I wanted to be vegan for a while since I thought eggs/cheese were making me sick, and he asks if we can make sloppy joes for dinner. le sigh. and for the most part during the day I'm very good about eating everything, I pack my lunch for work and pre-put everything into MFP. I avoid all the pies and cookies around me all day. but then we just "have to go to the bar" for dinner. I sometimes go, but it just gets old cooking for myself. I bring stuff as leftovers cause he doesn't eat it much. what do I do? how can I stay motivated and not eat horrific cheesesteaks all the time?!

erineddy81

I can totally get on board with you girl. I do try to eat better and feed my family better and he goes and gets all this snacky crap, and the kids think he's the greatest *roll eyes*...Also when i started losing weight, it started in my boobs and butt, so yes I did look funny. But then he tells me "you gotta stop losing weight". Well my 'screw you mentality' took over, and I told him that I wasn't doing it for him, that it was for me. He's still not supportive of any of the healthy eating or being active, which is very dissappoining for me.
It's one thing to hear about someone trying to sabotage another person's weight loss, it's another to actually experience it.

hellraisedfire

it sucks we went to the bar last night, and he wants to go again tonight. I can't keep doing it, but I also hate sitting at home by myself. we just moved to a new place so we don't have cable or internet yet. but he gets mad if I hang out with other guys (which are basically all my friends). I feel like I'm doomed to eat mac and cheese and fruit roll ups for the rest of the century :grumble:

SueGremlin

I think part of the reason I have been successful on this journey is that I vowed right from the beginning that this is my thing and mine alone, and that I would not involve other people at all. So my husband's diet has not changed. I often (usually) make separate dinners for us.

Sonriendo

Well honey.... I used to blame my mom's good O cooking for my weight gain, but honestly it wasnt her cooking per say, it was and still is ME.... I would eat nothing but veggies during the day to keep my calories to a minimun and when dinner comes along you can indulge a lil with lil guilt. It's mainly about you! :flowerforyou:

hellraisedfire

I definitely need to do that... I think I'll focus on cooking my meals from now on and not cook his as well I hate feeling like a mother when he's my boyfriend and I'm only 23! lol. I keep trying to tell myself that MFP is the only support system I need

cbh142

That really stinks! I can only suggest that you just have to refrain. If you know you are going out, make sure you eat beforehand. Good luck.

SueStubbs

Well for me my husband will eat the low calorie meals i make for dinner. My husband isnt on the diet thing but he supports me doing this. and if he dont like what i make he doesnt complain about it he just makes something that he will eat.

erineddy81

it sucks we went to the bar last night, and he wants to go again tonight. I can't keep doing it, but I also hate sitting at home by myself. we just moved to a new place so we don't have cable or internet yet. but he gets mad if I hang out with other guys (which are basically all my friends). I feel like I'm doomed to eat mac and cheese and fruit roll ups for the rest of the century :grumble:

My hubby is a military man, and we are always moving. Yeah it definitely sucks lol...My hubby isn't one for going out to eat all the time he just likes his junkfood lol. I usually do get along better with men, but I have quit having them as real friends, I guess you could say I keep it more at an aquaintance level. Out of respect, I wouldn't hang out with another guy, at least in a private setting, i.e. my home or his home alone. I have a couple of gym rat buddies that i see all the time at the gym, but thats about it

littlebuddy84

Same problem here and im seriously fed up with it now!

chevy88grl

You can't make him change his life just because you're changing yours. However, I would sit down with him and explain to him how important this is to you. Tell him that you NEED him to understand that you can't eat the stuff you used to eat all the time - once in awhile is fine, but all the time? No. And when you do go out to dinner, TRY and make a healthier choice. I know it is hard, but you have to do this for yourself. If he wants to eat the same ole stuff, that is HIS choice. You can't change his mind. But, he does need to understand that you aren't going to eat that stuff anymore.


Good Luck.

sebbysmommy

I am going to try and be gentle when I say he isn't force feeding you the junk food. You are choosing to eat it. My hubby loves his snacks and junk as well, it is in the house all the time but I am not eating it. The one food I did have to ask him not to bring in the house was soda since that is a weakness of mine. He agreed and switched to tea which he likes just as well and I hate.

As for going out maybe you all can agree to go out every other weekend? Or pick somewhere that has healthy food options for you? Or eat before you go then just snack on a small order of something less terrible for you?

rcramer7

I used to have that lifestyle (bars, eating bad). However, I have been married for 13 years now and my wife tends to follow my trends. Partly because she doesn't know how to cook so, she eats what I make. But, I started exercising and now she does squats (secretly) every time she goes to the bathroom.
My point is...when you're in a relationship both of you have to mesh. You don't have to do everything together but, each of you have to understand and accept each other's needs.
From my past experiences, it sounds more like he has different priorities. I did too. Untill I found my wife.

I mean met. She wasn't lost or anything

Newf77

The journey is yours and yours alone. I am going to say this with as much tact as possible, there are some other issues getting ready to boil up here. You say you are 23 and do not want to be his mother. He needs to help out in the kitchen; you are his mother and going to cook for him every night or you all are going to be eatting out a lot. Maybe pointing out the cost of eating out vs home cooked meals. The second issue I hear you worried about is his green eyed beast; either he trusts you with your choice of friends or not.

hellraisedfire

it sucks we went to the bar last night, and he wants to go again tonight. I can't keep doing it, but I also hate sitting at home by myself. we just moved to a new place so we don't have cable or internet yet. but he gets mad if I hang out with other guys (which are basically all my friends). I feel like I'm doomed to eat mac and cheese and fruit roll ups for the rest of the century :grumble:

My hubby is a military man, and we are always moving. Yeah it definitely sucks lol...My hubby isn't one for going out to eat all the time he just likes his junkfood lol. I usually do get along better with men, but I have quit having them as real friends, I guess you could say I keep it more at an aquaintance level. Out of respect, I wouldn't hang out with another guy, at least in a private setting, i.e. my home or his home alone. I have a couple of gym rat buddies that i see all the time at the gym, but thats about it

I know we usually go to a bar just to hang out (I'm still in college and that's all there is) but my boyfriend is super sensitive about me going with a guy, or any amount of guys. it's really difficult too because I am one female in a class of *sixty* men. I'm not sure what he thinks my other options are we play videogames a lot, but I'm not supposed to go to anyone's house. I have one girl friend from high school and I was over her house the other night and he drove by to actually see if I was there. is that unusual?

hellraisedfire

I used to have that lifestyle (bars, eating bad). However, I have been married for 13 years now and my wife tends to follow my trends. Partly because she doesn't know how to cook so, she eats what I make. But, I started exercising and now she does squats (secretly) every time she goes to the bathroom.
My point is...when you're in a relationship both of you have to mesh. You don't have to do everything together but, each of you have to understand and accept each other's needs.
From my past experiences, it sounds more like he has different priorities. I did too. Untill I found my wife.

I mean met. She wasn't lost or anything

Haha I figured that's why you meant xD that would be interesting! "I found my wife, I mean LITERALLY, she was lost wandering around on my street!"

Becky_Boodle

I think part of the reason I have been successful on this journey is that I vowed right from the beginning that this is my thing and mine alone, and that I would not involve other people at all. So my husband's diet has not changed. I often (usually) make separate dinners for us.

I do this too...
I don't eat red meat and my man doesn't eat fish
so I'll cook sausage for him and salmon for me
but then we both have the same veggies...
I don't like to have carbs at dinner but I will still make rice or potatoes just for him

shannoni_23

My fiance would be perfectly happy eating at McDonald's or Burger King every day (with a little Shane's Rib Shack on the weekends). Actually, that's exactly what he was doing when we got together. I cook for him most of the time, but I still make things I won't eat (ribs, spaghetti, etc) I make my food separate, like 90% of the time.
Last weekend, he wanted to go to the Chinese Buffet. I said no. We finally ended up at Golden Corral lol. I swear I ate the ABSOLUTE HEALTHIEST MEAL EVER EATEN AT THAT RESTAURANT. :happy:
I had shrimp (no butter, oil-I watched him cook it), broccoli & cauliflower, salad w/grilled chicken and fat free dressing, and a really tiny sweet potato (seriously, it was tiny).
I added up the info on MFP the best I could (obviously not totally accurate) and it was around 400 cal or less I think. and hardly any fat.
So, even while he's sitting across from me eating HORRIBLY, I had AMAZING will power & ate healthy. I was super full too.
Later I had yogurt and milk before bed.
It does make it harder, but if you really want to do it, you just have to ignore what he's eating, and find a healthy option at the place you end up going (or eat ahead).

Toniithia

If I were you I'd just sit down and talk to him and tell him how important it is for you to lose weight! tell him it's your health!


I did this with my dad, because he continued to buy cookies, ice cream, and chips when he knows I've been working really hard to lose weight, once I sat down and talked to him, he hid all the sweets, I eventually forgot about them and didn't feel tempted anymore..


going out to eat, suggest a different place other than the bar? somewhere where they actually have healthier alternatives, bars don't always serve healthy food!

mlynn37

Support from your significant other is very important. My fiance does not need to lose any weight. However when ever he makes anything he's been writing down all the ingredients so that we can total up calories, fat, sodium, fibers etc. We have an 11 year old growing boy in the home so neither of them need to lose weight or diet but both have been extremely supportive of the time I spend at the gym and watching that we eat "healthier" foods. Hopefully your significant other will realize that being healthier is going to make you happier. Good Luck!

ncwingnut71

I think part of the reason I have been successful on this journey is that I vowed right from the beginning that this is my thing and mine alone, and that I would not involve other people at all. So my husband's diet has not changed. I often (usually) make separate dinners for us.

I do this also. Especially if I am making pasta or something Mexican. My daughter likes nachos....that night, I make myself taco salad, minus any shell/chips. Pasta, I make my sauce seperate, without all the meat - I load up on veggies. I LOVE fish/shrimp/etc. Hubby and daughter - not so much. I will make 2 completely different things on those nights I want fish. I do what I need to do to get to where I need to be.