Let's talk about not jumping to conclusions

radosti1

I'd like to talk about stuff we all do every day. Jumping to conclusions and passing judgement. The perceived is not always the reality. That is why there are so many unhappy threads on here. People not being supportive, people defriending those who slide back a bit, people who insist that only their type of eating/exercise is the "right" way.

So, I wanted to change perspective a bit. Not sure if you've ever heard this particular story from Steven Covey's 7 habits class:

He told the story of the day he was on a packed subway car heading home for dinner. Everybody has worked at least eight hours and most people are tired. Many are quietly reading. All except for these two kids who are carrying on loudly as their dad, sitting right next to Covey seems not to notice. 

After the collective frustration of everyone in the car had risen to match his own, Covey leaned into the man and asked if he would please reign in the kids. People were tired and the children were so loud, please. You know that feeling: Aghhh! Could you just get a grip here! No, I don’t have to explain to you what Covey was thinking. We’ve all been there and done that. What on earth was this guy’s problem? 

I’m sorry, his seatmate responded, barely lifting his eyes. We’re coming from the hospital where my wife just passed away. I’m in shock and my kids probably are too. I’m overwhelmed with grief, not sure what to do. Their world has changed tonight and this is their way of dealing.

You see, this event has had such an impact on Covey that he made a point of telling this story as a lesson on trying to see an event from someone else's perspective before jumping to conclusions.

Still not convinced??? Here's a story I recently read on Facebook. We've all had this moment:

it starts out with a woman waiting for her flight to be called. She’s reading her magazine and eating her bag of lemon drop cookies and all is well. Any minute it will be time to board. It is a nice day.

Then it happened. Without looking she reached into her bag for another cookie. And what? The man next to her had his hand in her cookie bag! She smiled that teeth-clenched smile we all muster up in times like these and turned back to her magazine. And you and I both know exactly what she must have been thinking. It’s what we’re thinking when the tollbooth guy doesn’t have enough money or an SUV cuts in front of us. It’s that free-for-all feeling of judgment, disgust and consternation. It’s that I can’t believe this is happening—and to me! sort of feeling.

For all her shock, the lady in the story couldn’t help but notice that the guy was smiling, almost even chuckling to himself. Of all the nerve! Not quite bold enough to move the bag, she gobbled up her cookies faster and faster; eyeballing her frustration so he’d know she was hardly pleased.

And then finally her flight was called. What a relief! Dismissing the urge to speak, she grabbed what was left of her cookies and found her seat on the airplane. Throwing her book bag down on the seat next to her she took a deep breath. Then something strange happened. She heard a very familiar sound. It was the crunchy cookie bag sound and it was coming from her book bag. 

Digging through her book bag she is flabbergasted. There is her unopened bag of lemon-drop cookies!

We've all done that, passed judgement or talked about someone, realizing only later how incredibly wrong we were.

In grad school, in one of the management classes, we all were given the MBTI personality test. I came back as ENTJ. Extrovert, intuitive, thinking, Judging. It's in my nature to judge, so I end up stopping myself a lot. The first thought should always be, what is the situation from THAT person's perspective? Are they having a crazy busy day? Are they angry because of something bad that happened earlier? It's not me trying to find an excuse for the person. It's me trying to not see the world as "my way or the highway."