Does anyone else have an unsupportive spouse?

jewelsc1

It's not that my husband doesn't want me to lose weight. He certainly does. It's just that he's not willing to make any sacrifices to help me out. He continues to bring chips and cookies and other junk food into the house. And he doesn't even want to try any of the dinners that I make. So frustrating!! As someone who has always been skinny and has never eaten healthy foods he has no idea what I'm going through. I try to explain it to him but he just doesn't get it. He thinks I should just be able to resist the junk food. Well, if that were the case I wouldn't be fat, rght? LOL. Dinners stress me out because we have to make 2 different things at times. My son who is 2 will usually eat what I make, but my daughter who is 4 and does not want to try new things will not eat some of the meals. My husband is also not a planner so if I don't plan his meal also then it's very stressful coming home from work and trying to figure out what to make!! Thanks for letting me vent.

fearlessbetz

I've had this same frustration. My guy still wants to have his pizza/wing nights, oreos, ben and jerrys. It's hard for me not to want to snack when the temptation is there. He is trying to only do that once in a while, and when I can splash out a bit with my calories too. As for the dinner, he's had to adjust, he gets what I get, but more of it and slightly modified. It's got to be hard with kids, everyone wanting their own meal. We both work late a lot of nights, or get home from the gym at 8 or so. I've been making turkey meatballs or seasoned chicken breasts ahead of time. That way I have a couple of days of dinners that just need to be thrown in the pan or microwave. If your husband isn't a planner, have him fend for himself some nights. I leave some frozen dinners that my husband picked out so he can "rough it". You sound like you are managing pretty well with all this. Keep up the good work!

jewelsc1

Thanks! I should start making some meals ahead of time. That would help me out! Good idea!

rainbowfaye

Yup, last time we went out to eat I was good and got grilled chicken on whole wheat with veggies. He got a double cheeseburger with a side of fries. Then he put half of his fries on my plate because "I need some treats". Rawr

Dayna_Dax

I did. He never was on track with me on this battle. It got so frustrating, that when i took over the cooking, things went down hill big time for me. I was under sooo much stess between him , n my job, that i gave up. BUT DON'T! He is now my ex (I'M NOT SAYING TO DIVORICE YOUR HUSBAND BY ANY MEANS), n i am in a much better place for my job. Everything is falling in place, n im not giving up on me. DON'T GIVE UP EITHER! Have you had a heart to heart talk with your spouce? Try that first. Share your ups n downs. When your spouce wants to celebrate ur ups, dont go for food. Go for a hike, or buy a new piece of clothing. Let me know how it goes

MsTaurus30

I'm going thru the same and it is so hard not to have that support from the ppl who cares the most about you smh

MsMuniz

yea, my husband supports by being healthy and always says I'm looking good and comments on my weight loss but then gets angry when I won't eat bad with him or don't want to eat out several times a week...it is very frustrating.

michellegoljar

yeah i feel like that too - my husband and I previously followed a diet plan together before or wedding - now that the wedding has passed we have both gained weight back - ive been trying since january to lose weight but his heart isn't in it - he orders take aways and texts me about dominos offers all the time = im hoping he will get back on track now - its very frustrating

mseraf713

I'm not married, but I understand when people around you bring home temptations! My extended family owns a bakery that makes amazing pastries, breads, etc. Anyways, they came to visit yesterday with a ton of white bread, sweet treats, etc. I get the whole enjoy life in moderation, but no one needs 4 loaves of white bread and two dozen donuts in their house EVER! Thankfully, most of it has either been eaten or given away to other family members by now.

If he's unwilling to try new things and keeps bringing home junk, is there a place in the house he can keep his snack and you wouldn't walk by and be tempted ie- a workshop or his man cave? My brother and his girlfriend are both skinny and snack like crazy but they keep their noshes in their hangout spot so I won't go near them...

Rockontoothpicks

My girlfriend is very supportive and we have lost 54 pounds together since the new year started...HOWEVER our problem is that we let my retired mother move in with us and she cooks fried foods, butter ridden recipes and constantly eats out fast food. Lucky for us we have learned to enjoy baked foods, and low calories dishes but sometimes we feel pressured to eat the very bad food she cooks. It is hard at times to stay on track but since we have seen results it makes it a lil easier to avoid my mother's choices....we just sometimes worry that she is trying to sabotage us or just torture us with GREAT SMELLING Chinese food lol. So I know your pain.

DOElston

Girls, you must remember that men's brains work differently than ours do. They truly think differently than we do. (Now, that isn't to completely dismiss that maybe there's a guy out there who is truly being a jerk.) In these situations, a man tends to think "She's eating the way she wants. I'll eat the way I want" and they don't wrap up that simple thought with emotion.

If your husband is putting "forbidden" food on your plate, ask him why. Maybe he really does want to "treat" you. Maybe there is something deeper to it. I'm not saying this answers everything but I can say that, as women, you cannot always correctly interpret his actions through our feminine filter.

For example - generally speaking , when a woman is upset, she wants to talk about it and in talking, works through it. When a man's upset, he generally wants to sort it out and process it himself. So, when a wife sees her husband is upset, she often asks from him what is contradictory to his natural inclination. When a wife is upset, a man will stay quiet to allow her to work it out for herself, (as he would want), which is opposite from what we desire. Get the picture?

All in all - try and determine WHY your husbands are doing what they doing and not succumb to reading all kinds of things into it? You might be surprised.

xealia

I was the unsupportive (now ex) spouse in our marriage but at that point the abuse from him made me want to hurt him in other ways to get even with the humiliation and crap I was going through.

I didn't and still don't cook or bake worth nothing so when I was pregnant and breastfeeding both our boys, I insisted that he make me 2 meals a day when he was unemployed (which he was frequently since he was a drunk *kitten*). He kept complaining that he didn't want to because he was getting fat and only wanted to make 1 meal a day but I was on bedrest most of my pregnancies and afterwards because I couldn't gain enough weight. I started off under 100lbs and only gained 17lbs with my first and dropped the weight then gained 22lbs with the second child who were both late and 7 1/2 perfect pounds.

I of course didn't MAKE him eat those 3 giant helpings of potato chip battered chicken legs or open faced beef sandwiches smothered in cheese or alfrado etc... He could have stopped at one. I know I did most times.

At the store I would time and time again tell him to buy something else because it was healthier and he would snap at me accusing me of calling him fat. So it was a mess. I am glad I am now away from him and his abuse but he is still unfortionately in the boys lives causing other issues. But I started eating more junk food since I left him since I don't cook well at all, instead of meals and I'm not so stressed and my stomach isn't aways aching from the anxiety of living with him. So I've gained 20+lbs that I want to get rid of.

I'm not trying to justify my actions just pointing out that not everyone is perfect. Maybe ask your spouse to keep some junk food at a parents, or friends house and eat it there away from you. If he doesn't eat what you make that is suitable for your diet and the way you want you and the kids to eat then they can starve. They will learn eventually that they have to eat what they get. My kids are 3 and 6 and they are picky as heck with food allergies and everything so its hard to cook for all of us since I LOVE cheese and they cannot have any.

But anyways communicate with him and if he doesn't respect your wishes then you either need to be ok with it/get over it or it could reck your marriage.

Good luck!

mzhokie

I think the adjustment might be in the sides. Bake chicken strips rolled in egg and panko crumbs. The kids will just think they are strips or nuggets. Then make yourself a healthy side and cook fries for them. A cheese sauce to go over the veggies for them might make the kids try some new things.

minsann

I eat LCHF, Low Carb High Fat. Just after a couple of days I had no problem resisting candy, soda and junk food. I think it has to do with the fact that my blood sugar is on a even level so I have no cravings. I eat good, I'm not starving and I'm loosing weight.

I cook my kind of food and for the rest of the family I add rice, pasta or potatos.

My family is very supportive even if they eat junkfood...

blueeyedcristi

Hmmmm. I have been married almost 12 yrs. We've had our ups and downs like most couples. One of the issues we've had was my weight. He can easily lose weight quickly when he eats correctly and is active. On the other hand, I have struggled from years up and down in weight b/c of migraine meds I take. I think he means well - tries to be supportive but just doesn't know how to do it in the right manner. Comments he made about my weight yrs back still haunt me. He has been eating healthier for dinner w/ me but.....then after dinner he snacks on so much crap (chips, candy, etc). Or he'll get into my shelf of healthy snacks but eat A LOT more than a portion size. It's not at all tempting to me but he started an office job over a year ago and has put on weight. Guess I feel like he should be trying to lose weight as well. I've tried to talk to him about it and he blows me off. I am just hoping that the more I lose and it gets noticeable he'll step it up.

xealia

Also if everyone is STARVING before dinner and crabby and wanting to eat NOW; 30 mins before set out a plate of celery, carrot sticks, green beans, sugar snap peas (my kids fav), radishes, green pepper sticks (also my kids fav) etc... There are some really cute ways to cut them to look like logs, and bugs and butterflies and monsters and such. It will fill them up with good stuff and slow the digestion of the bad stuff when they finally get to the fries and pizza and stuff. Don't reward with food, reward with a walk to the park or to the zoo or a picnic. (Not sure how old your kids are) but just getting to ride his bike is my oldests favorite since he just learned how late last fall!

Good luck!

mygrl4meee

My husband is alright in this department. It just depends on how you look at it. He is thin and doesn't always eat right and does eat junk. Luckily for me his all time favorite cookie doesn't impress me. He used to give me a cookie and I would eat it. I finally asked him not to put food in my hand. I know where the kitchen is. I admitted I ate/eat things that are not good and I will get it on my own if I eat junk. I cook about half the meals and I refuse to cook different meals. My family is alright with the dinner part cause mostly I just added a veggie and I eat less. I don't expect my husband not to eat the foods he enjoys because I am trying to lose weight. We have changed a few things though. My husband used to cook cinnamon rolls after I got off of work and we would eat all 8 of them. He hasn't cooked them since I started counting calories. My husband was a heavy drinker for 30 years (before I met him). A couple years into our marriage he had a seizure trying to come off the booze and has not drank since. He doesn't want to drink but knows if he did that he would go back. I like to have a drink every few months and he hasn't asked me to change just because he has a problem so I think its only fair that I don't ask him to change cause I have a weight problem. I do wish he would eat more foods that are good for him overall. These are just my personal thoughts and I know not everyone can make this situation work.

chelseawellington

My spouse is generally supportive....if I stay on track and am the leader but we are each others scapegoat if we fall "off the wagon", meaning....if I am being healthy he will be healthy with me but if I get of track we give each other excuses, etc. he will not be the one too keep us on track of get us back in track, if that makes sense.

My opinion is this: you want to be healthy, you want your family to be healthy. So, I would make one healthy meal for everyone. Period. The kids are offered that meal and your hubby too. If your hubby doesn't want it, he needs to fend for himself. He is a grown man. He also needs to realize that he is setting an example for his kids. He need to show them how to be a supportive spouse, how to make healthy choices, etc. and, regardless of wha his weight is like.....if he eats crap and doesn't exercise, his HEALTH will not be good. Skinny people have heart attacks and high blood pressure and cholesterol problems and all sorts of issues, too, if they are unhealthy.

I think you should sit down with him at a calm time, with no distractions and explain to him that its not just about you losing weight, it's about your whole family being healthy and that from now on, when you cook, you will make one meal for everyone and he can choose to not eat it but he needs to think about what message that sends to the kids about health and about respecting and supporting your spouse. It's not to say you can't have treats now and then, or go out sometimes or whatever . It's about balance.

jewelsc1

Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions! It's nice to know I'm not the only one with this problem. By the way, I don't cook 2 meals. Sometimes I cook one and he cooks another. I would not go as far as to cook 2 meals....lol. But he still puts stress on me by making me feel like it's a big deal at times for him to figure out what to make for himself. I guess I can look at it this way. At least he cooks.

sebbysmommy

You know my husband drives me nuts on this point. If I make healthy meals and don't have snacks in the house then I am trying to starve him to death. When I make high calorie stuff and have snacks in the house then I am making him fat. I finally just threw my hands up and decided to do what I wanted (within reason, lol).

We made a agreement that I will not cook with eggplant or make chicken more than 3 times a week, and limited soups. And he agreed to only bring snacks I don't like into the house

magerum

Not to sound like a jerk, but when I started this change I decided it was no one elses burden but my own. If my spouse was sitting next to me eating oreos and snickers I'd reach for my sugar free jello if I felt I needed it. I didn't and still dont expect anyone else to sacrifice anything for my personal nutritional goals. You can do it! Keep your chin up! There's no replacement for willpower and no where better to work on it than home. Sometimes it was a pain eating a different meal than the wife and kid(s), but I had my personal goals.

Just my opinion. Good luck and do whatever you think you need to!

-M

dipobird

My husband is a skinny turd who has never and will never have weight issues. I can't tell you how many times I have looked to him for support and motivation to be handed something off diet, because he "feels bad" and can't see me "starve". I just had to come to the conclusion that he is going to supportive and caring in his own way and I have to do, what I have to do. He wants the best for me, but doesn't know how to help because he has never been in the same situation. I totally understand what you mean about dinners though... it's a hassle, but making meals ahead of time really helps.

LillyMosley

I eat LCHF, Low Carb High Fat. Just after a couple of days I had no problem resisting candy, soda and junk food. I think it has to do with the fact that my blood sugar is on a even level so I have no cravings. I eat good, I'm not starving and I'm loosing weight.

I cook my kind of food and for the rest of the family I add rice, pasta or potatos.

My family is very supportive even if they eat junkfood...

This is pretty much what I do, and the beauty I find, is I don't crave bad foods, I am hoping that lasts. There is no way at work or at home I would not be under high pressure to eat too much treat foods.

Mirandac2012

Husband came home today with large meat pizza, chicken strips, garlic bread and to top it off Cookie dough and Icecream!

He still eats cookies and sweets, chocolate, Mcdonalds the lot!

Its soooo hard not to snack with him but he keeps saying if i can resist now then i wont go back to eating that way once i hit my goal weight. I do see where he is coming from but its killing me!

aqm22

Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions! It's nice to know I'm not the only one with this problem. By the way, I don't cook 2 meals. Sometimes I cook one and he cooks another. I would not go as far as to cook 2 meals....lol. But he still puts stress on me by making me feel like it's a big deal at times for him to figure out what to make for himself. I guess I can look at it this way. At least he cooks.

Don't feel bad. It's his choice to eat junk and it's your choice to eat healthier. When he complains, just tell him to eat what you make. There's food just not the kind he likes. In a marriage, it's give and take. He gives a little and you give a little.

If my husband doesn't like my food, he finds his own meal (unless he works late or I feel generous). But most of the time, my husband eats everything I make even if it's "healthy". He does bring home donuts, pizza, and all the other good stuff though. But I really don't mind. I don't like them anyway

fitmommy75

We rarely eat together anymore because I can't handle going out to eat all the time. And when I do cook at home my kids eat and he might have a little, but he wants to go out and get dessert afterward. Then he ends up devouring all sorts of food later. That is teaching all the wrong things and upsets me.

stacyutley

my husband actualy doesn't want me to lose weight.. he likes me the way i am but i feel ****ty about myself so im doing it for me... he's a HUGE guy who eats tons. i finally got him to talk to the doc about deit pills for him becasue he has dieted but he burns 3500 cals just to survive cuz he is soo big... sigh.. hopefully we can both look and feel better :-) i wanna get back to what i looked like before KIDS!...

zippo32

my wife does not know how to be supportive
also i am not allowed to have a bad day
if i do then it is about her

Lesa_Sass

All I am going to say on this matter is that if my husband does not like what I cook for dinner he is more than welcome to make his own dinner or go pick it up. It is AMAZING at what that man will eat now.