Body Image Feelings

hanahlai

Do you think you ever get over "body image" issues where you still feel larger than you should be? Is it a mental thing to work through or is playing the comparison game to random strangers at the mall smaller than you just really not a good idea? lol I have always struggled with body image issues. I never had an eating disorder, but I remember looking in the mirror thinking I am "fat" when I was skinnier than I am now. I had all but given up that I would even be at the weight I am now, but here I am trying to lose it. BUT then this wicked part of me thinks you're not where you are supposed to be yet though instead of dwelling on the good.. I was feeling good for a short bit about the weight loss, and then I got out and about yesterday seeing younger and thinner girls. My husband says I am being too hard on myself because the girls I was comparing myself to were teenagers (like 15-19ish as opposed to my 26 yr old self), but I saw women around my age and older thinner too. How do you get yourself to not compare yourself? Anybody have any self-motivating strategies? It's usually always about legs too. I have a curvier bottom half than bottom which has always fueled this idea. Thanks in advance, could really use some ideas and motivation on how to keep me off this negative train of though!

ranmca

im in the same boat as you. no matter how many times people say i look good, i still cannot see it. i look back at pictures when i was younger and i see a skinny, but curvy beautiful lady...but back then i still thought of myself as fat.i had stretch marks before i was 12 years old, and i wasnt even a big kid... i hold a grudge to a kid who called me fat over 10 years ago...what the heck. i dont want to hold a grudge. now ive lost 25lbs and am very close to my goal weight and still cannot feel good about it???? the one thing, however, that does make me feel better is looking at my "before" and after pictures. to know that ive come that far definitely gives me a but of a confidence boost. i wouldnt say it fixes my negative body image but it makes me feel pretty good. its not about how much you weigh now, its about how far youve come from before. we are working our way to a healthier lifestyle and a great body, we will get there!!!! im sure you look awesome, and we are always our own hardest critic.

HauteP1nk

I remember always having body image issues, even when I was a size 4. I have always had insecurities. I am really trying to work on it though by challenging myself and trying new things. By pushing myself I am starting to gain confidence and grow as a person.

It isn't healthy to always be coveting other women's bodies when I should be appreciating what I have. When I am older I know I will look back and regret that I wasted all those years hiding my body and not trying new things because I was unhappy with myself, and didn't believe in myself.

fteale

Can I ask, do you have children? I think most people get over their body image issues when they realise what amazing things their body is capable of. It is ironic that the whole pregnancy thing pretty much ruins most people's! Even with stretch marks, saggy boobs from 5 years of breastfeeding and a caesarean scar, I am far less concerned about my body now than I was at 24 when I had a near perfect (if only I had known it then) body.

I think age has something to do with it too. I think once you get past about 30 you realise in the grand scheme of things, the minor imperfections in your body are utterly unimportant. As long as you are healthy and happy, the details don't matter.

orange_you_glad

I think it's unlikely those feelings are going to go away (without help), even if you lose more weight. Your husband is right -- you're being hard on yourself, and you're comparing yourself unreasonably to young women whose bodies haven't stopped developing yet. No one looks the way they did at 15, and your emphasis (fetishization?) of that body type isn't doing you any favors. Imagine it from your husband's perspective -- wouldn't you be super grossed out if he'd rather be with a 15 year old than with you??

If you continue to have these feelings that your body is ugly or fat, even as you continue to lose weight, consider seeing a therapist -- especially if there seems to be a big gap between what you see in the mirror and what your husband sees in you. Body dismorphic disorder is a real thing, and can definitely lead to eating disorders. As someone who grew up in a family where both my mom and my sister have struggled with ED, it is difficult and painful to watch. Worse, eating disorders are like a kind of cancer, in that once the idea takes root, it can spread and totally destroy you. You are beautiful and deserve to love your body as it is!

hanahlai

Can I ask, do you have children?

I actually have two kids, 6 & almost 3. Had them naturally, and the only stretch marks I have are from puberty. It's just a really hard feeling to shake some days. Most of the time, I can be rational about it. Today is just one of those irrational days I suppose. Just trying to shake that feeling. :-)

Imagine it from your husband's perspective -- wouldn't you be super grossed out if he'd rather be with a 15 year old than with you??

You know he actually said the same thing when I mentioned some of the skinnier females that I had noticed. I definitely would be grossed out! So that does help thinking about it from that perspective. I guess I was mostly noticing my legs are more jiggly than I'd like compared to them. I know I complain a lot to him about my weight, and I have now forever it seems. More so in the last several years, until I finally decided to take control of portions and etc. I think I am just having a bad perspective day.

tashaa1992

I can completely relate to this, the only difference is I've suffered with anorexia throughout my whole life and I have always been underweight but it didn't change what I saw in the mirror:( It's not just my body though it's my face too. I feel ugly 24/7. I hate it, I've looked into surgery for my face but my mum said to wait until I'm twenty two, she wants me to change my mind and believe I'm beautiful but I just can't.
I believe everyone is beautiful, but me, I'm something else. I feel like an alien:(
Have you spoken to anyone(a therapist)about your body issues though hun?