He MOVED on and for someone reason I'm NOT over him

trying2findmyway

Seriously this is making me quite upset.
I've posted before regarding an ex of mine. I ended the relationship about a month ago... simply because I just felt like I was settling... like he was not God's best. but I did really care for him- I went with the flow but it just felt below mediocre. Good days but a ton of bad days and nothing in common. He also wasn't always that nice( but then again I am sensitive) he had a lot of questionable "trashy" female friends... and it made me beyond uncomfortable because I find it hard to believe the "she's just a friend" BS line.
It was also our second time around and I always said I wouldn't date an ex... should have left well enough alone
I feel like I have sooo much to offer but I've been single for forever I feel like my best years are flying by and I'm honestly lonely...

But I saw something (yes... I've been putting myself through torture and looking at his facebook :brokenheart: ) and for some reason I get he vibe he's dating someone new.
Just seems rather fast... guess he was full of ****

I'm just upset and I'm not sure what I'm upset about. I HATE that I still t hink about it him.. WHy the hell do i? considering I called it quits.
It's making me sick

What do you tell yourself when you see an EX of yours has moved on?
I know I sound stupid... but I want him out of my head. God pleaseeeeeeee

ElleOQuent

You have to realize that you are in control of your thoughts.

Do yourself a favor and stop snooping on his life. This will only make you further obsess over him and ,in turn, disallow you from truly moving on. Spend that time doing something that is enjoyable and beneficial.

I'm sure that as soon as you stop focusing on his life and start living your own, you will find the happiness you so deserve.

Best wishes to you. :flowerforyou:

zinok

I think we have all been there at some point, I feel for you.

My suggestion to you is to remove him from your facebook and any other social sites you have him added to. Try to prevent yourself from "checking in" on him, because you will just dwell and not move past it. Keep super busy, keep your mind occupied with other things. Exercise, take classes, see friends, shop, watch movies, read, anything really. Just make sure that you don't have downtime to wallow in "what if's". The upside is that it will increase your social life too and you'll realize that you don't need him to be happy and that you have tons of other people to spend your time with. And who knows, maybe you will meet someone special while you're out experiencing new things!

I wish you luck, I know it's hard, but you'll get through it. (:

ruby_red_rose

I am sorry you are going through this. The quickest way to get over him is to stop all connection with him (including reading about him on Facebook). Just do it, you will thank yourself in a few months when you are finally completely over him. Best of luck.

ninerbuff

Fear of loss is one of the biggest fears people deal with. What you have to ask yourself and honestly answer is "did you really lose out?" If you didn't then you're dealing with a false fear.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

zorbaru

i hate to be the one to say this, but you dumped him. he is allowed to move on with his life and not feel guilty.

i know it sounds a bit harsh, but its a peeve of mine when a girl dumps a guy, then gets upset with him for moving on with his life.

if you didnt want him dating others, you shoulda kept him.

like what the others say, its time to cut him off. what you dont know wont hurt you.

caroleslaststand

yep- you have to resist the temptation to see what he's up to. Maybe you're upset because you wanted him to experience a lot of sorrow over losing you. You don't realize how lucky you are to be rid of him and how strong you had to be to dump him. I stayed a decade with a guy who is still my friend, but as my boyfriend he was abusive, distant and dishonest. He's been forgiven because he was addicted to a buttload of narcotics at the time. Now that he's clean, we're good friends, but that's all. He was also very bothered by my weight, which made for a lot of pain for me. If he changes his mind when he sees me thinner than I was when we met, I may need help resisting the temptation. I kind of look forward to it, because he deserves some rejection after the way he treated me. But, yeah- spare yourself the jealousy and avoid any connection to him - no FB. Zinok was so right about getting busy - a life well lived beats the hell out of pining for a jerk.

Ready2Rock206

I know the feeling! I was so pissed with my ex for being able to move on. How dare he have this great fabulous life when he left mine a mess. I didn't want him anymore but was so angry! The best thing you can do is live a great life without him. It will get easier with time...

GabeRami

I am going through something similar. You just have to stop looking at their page and keep busy. Focus on yourself, that's the best way. Go out with friends, workout, it's not easy. Hasn't been easy for me, but, her and I have children together. It's never easy to move on when you still care for someone, but, if you keep them in your life, it makes it even harder when they move on. Believe me, I'm telling you from experience. Stop reading his page, block him if you have to, that way you can't see it.

Lolli1986

I find seeing what they're up to helps me to realise that they don't love or want me anymore. It hurts, but it helps. It's hard to continue loving someone who you know has fallen out of love with you.

I actually work with my ex from two years ago... we were together about a year. Now he is getting married to one of the other girls who has just arrived in our workplace. He has known her for like 3 months. LOL, even though I do not want him, it still irks me that this magical girl can just turn up at the right time and get the best of him, when he learned a lot of what it means to be in a good relationship from me. I was subjected to paranoia due to his ex before me - he was constantly on the lookout for me trying to control or manipulate him. Now he has learned FROM ME that there are girls out there who do not wish to control him (lmao, i don't even know how he got so paranoid, but he was)... but the one who gets the benefit of him finally settling down within himself is the girl who appears out of nowhere. Don't get me wrong, she is lovely and i'm so glad he met her, but I still see it and somehow it just reminds me that my most recent ex did not even want to take care of me after surgery.

I guess my point is that it's never easy to stop thinking about an ex, especially if you loved them.

Even though I don't want EITHER of my exes, my heart has not yet caught up to my mind regarding the most recent one. i still wish that he had loved me. And in the meantime my old ex is happily flaunting his new-found confidence in women right in front of me, treating this girl with all the trust that I deserved (and that she deserves, until proven otherwise), all based on the fact that he was able to trust his ex - me! I dated him when he was a boy and she bumps into him when he's a man... while i am in the middle of breaking up with another boy! haha.

Of course, my real frustration is that I seem to be unable to identify boy-men, hahaha. I guess this just suggests that i still have a lot of learning to do!

Give yourself more than a month if you really felt for the guy. I needed a year after the first ex, and I will need another month or so at least after the second one. (we also broke up a month ago).

EDIT: oh, and YOU called it quits because he didn't seem into it, so you're probably still heartbroken that he wasn't as into it as you wished.

firesoforion

The reasons you're not over him:

1) You're lonely.

Response: This can be a hard thing to deal with, but focus on yourself, doing your thing, meet some new people, and have some fun. If that doesn't make you forget being lonely, it'll still make you realize how much better off you are without him.

2) It feels like things have slowed down to the point where you have been single and there's just that bit of nervousness that you won't find someone else, and that, therefore, breaking up was a big mistake.

Response: In my personal experience, this is the hardest thing for people in being able to let go of someone, even if they weren't right for each other. But once you think of this as a cause, it starts to correct itself because you start to realize "I broke up with him because he was mediocre and I wanted someone better. And I'll find that person, at the right place in the right time, and what I should do now is act in a way to bring me closer and closer to that place and time, while becoming the person I truly want to be, and enjoying my time as a single." Once you've realized that, you'll forget all about him.

3) You're wondering what "could have been."

Response: You didn't lose a relationship. You lost a potential future. You kind of want to know what that future would have had in store for you (plus the whole the devil you know being better than the one you don't thing), because maybe in some way, it was a good one. But actually you currently know what that future would have been, and that's why you left in the first place, to find a better one. Right now you don't see what the future holds at all, so it makes that look more appealing, but it's not. If you were still in the relationship, you'd wonder if you could have a better future, and ultimately you would have wound up regretting not pursuing the better future. So put him out of your mind, and go forward into the next adventure.

Rozz77

Just think someone else will be putting up with him and his skanky mates and feel happy you had a lucky escape. And find something healthy to take your mind off him and fill the void.

Rozz77

And he moved on fast because he's a needy p*nis that uses people, by the sound of it.