Dating Question... More for the ladies

RedHotChiliSteppers

So me and this girl get along really really well. I met her from a friend, we like the same music, shows, same sense of humor and she plays tennis just as good as me (bonus!). We've hung out maybe 5 or 6 times before via tennis or the bars. I've asked her to go out to dinner a few times and she has had to decline for various reasons, which is fine. She is super super busy (first year med student).

So if she doesn't really ask me to go out to dinner or any activities, do you think shes just not that into me or maybe because shes just so busy (she studies A LOT)???

Let me know, I am just trying to get a few different opinions!

fionarama

I think you ask her one more time and if she refuses ask her the question you are asking us i.e. is she making excuses because she's just not into you romantically, or is she genuinely busy.
she may not want to get involved in a relationship while she is studying.

kit_katty

Hmm, if a girl likes you, she'll say something more like "I can't go out X time, but how about Y time." If she's not doing any suggesting of times that she might be available, I'd say that she's just not that interested... sorry!

neverstray

Not a lady, but...

Does a few times mean 3 times?

I have a 3 time rule: if I ask 3 times, and get refused, no matter the reason, I ain't asking a 4th. It works for me. The 4th looks like begging and gets annoying for the other person, IMO.

If she really wanted to, she would offer alternatives, like, "i can't go on Saturday, but I have some time Wednesday to hang out for a bit." but, if she's not trying, then it's not likely she's into it. Just my opinion. People make time if they wanna.

darylinny

Hmm, if a girl likes you, she'll say something more like "I can't go out X time, but how about Y time." If she's not doing any suggesting of times that she might be available, I'd say that she's just not that interested... sorry!

I agree with this!!

jplucheck

I agree if she was into you she would make time, maybe not a lot but how much time off studying could one dinner date be? Or maybe she is not into because she is so focused right now and really doesn't have the time for a relationship, priorities first! If you really like her just be patient sometimes the best romances start from supporting friendships!

WhatDoesLisa

I think she doesn't want to go out with you but doesn't know how to handle it properly. I have been asked out a couple of times in the past few months but there was no connection there. BUT, I still feel awful declining because I know that it took courage to ask. Hey, it's like the deli counter, just grab another ticket and go "Next"!

strandedj

If she is interested she would try to find the time. jmo

rossi02

Hmm, if a girl likes you, she'll say something more like "I can't go out X time, but how about Y time." If she's not doing any suggesting of times that she might be available, I'd say that she's just not that interested... sorry!

I agree with this!!

Yes.. this is my take on it as well. If I guy I was into asked me out, especially the first time I would do whatever I could to make that day/time work. If I knew there was no way that day/time could work, I would offer up a time I had open.

htmlgirl

I don't think she's into you that way. If I liked a guy, even if I was really busy, I would suggest an alternate time to go on a date. Seems like she is making excuses to not hurt your feelings. She also may not want to even go near starting a relationship while she is busy with school so she doesn't get distracted.

MrsLVF

Not a lady, but...

Does a few times mean 3 times?

I have a 3 time rule: if I ask 3 times, and get refused, no matter the reason, I ain't asking a 4th. It works for me. The 4th looks like begging and gets annoying for the other person, IMO.

If she really wanted to, she would offer alternatives, like, "i can't go on Saturday, but I have some time Wednesday to hang out for a bit." but, if she's not trying, then it's not likely she's into it. Just my opinion. People make time if they wanna.

Yup, what He said.
If you keep asking you run the risk of looking desperate, or worse, a stalker.

If you really want to know what what's thinking,you can always say:
Ii really enjoy your company and would like to take you out for dinner, I know you have a bust schedule, whats a good time for you?




As a side note...
I was "that girl" And i made sure the guy knew why i couldn't make it on those particular evenings. Both being very busy, we kept talking & eventually got to do on that date. Three years later, we're so happy we got the chance to talk on the phone and really get to know each other before that 1st official date.

msmith2020

... I agree. She would offer an alternate time. But to help you out, even though this movie/book was directed towards woman.. Have you ever heard of "He's just not that into you?" Seriously... It changed my perspective on dating. After watching the movie, that really truly put the truth out there, and read the book that was more documentary/true stories, I don't wonder if a guy is into me, I can usually tell right from the beginning now.. It might help? I love the movie though, its funny too!! Just a thought! xoxo! :flowerforyou:

RedHotChiliSteppers

Yea she did offer a different time when she couldn't make the dinner. We played frisbee golf and went to some St. Patties Day parties this past weekend in a group.

felice03

Hmm, if a girl likes you, she'll say something more like "I can't go out X time, but how about Y time." If she's not doing any suggesting of times that she might be available, I'd say that she's just not that interested... sorry!

I am super busy as well, if I like someone I will make the time...if she suggested another time then you still stand a chance. However, my ultimate advise would be to ask her! that is the best way to find out what she is thinking...communicate!!!

ElizabethRoad

Yea she did offer a different time when she couldn't make the dinner. We played frisbee golf and went to some St. Patties Day parties this past weekend in a group.

Wait, so you did go out with her after the refusals? I don't really understand the problem then.

Think about this though: if she's so busy that she has to turn down multiple offers with someone she wants to go out with... she won't have time for a boyfriend.

GuruOnAMountain

I have been the girl on both sides of this: I once was asked out (and did actually go out with a guy) who then kept asking me out on a second date and I wasn't really that into it. I was young and shy and didn't know how to say "I'm not that into you." so told him I was too busy with Uni at the time (which I kinda was, since I had just started my final year of my Undergrad) but he still kept asking me out again and again. Which was awkward and embarrasing for both of us, I'm sure.

But then again, with my boyfriend now, I'm in the middle of a PhD and have been doing the PhD since I first met him while also working part-time (a lot of the time holding down two or more jobs at once), so there's been plenty of times when he asked me out and I had to say I couldn't and couldn't even always offer him an alternative time to meet as I didn't know what my shifts were going to be at work etc. We've been seeing each other a year and a half now and we both know the score so it's all good now but yeah, she could be interested or not.

I echo what other people are saying and I know this is the hard way to go about it because it might meaning making it really obvious to her that you are interested but to just ask her if she's interested in maybe starting to see you right now as more of a friend or not. Explain that you know she's busy and that if she doesn't feel she has time for that or isn't interested in a relationship with you, that you're OK with that and will happily just stay friends. Then take it from there. Good luck!

theleftie

In the immortal words of Joe - from Say Anything - "find a girl that looks just like her, nail her and then dump her".

No really - I agree here with all above. The signals point to you coming right out and asking her. Good luck, she sounds cool.

nhendri

I really think it is the whole busy thing. I work for the University of Utah's School of Medicine and I know that the PhD programs are INTENS!! Some times the students are so busy they even forget to eat (I now keep snacks on my desk). I am also a student and it is extremely hard to find time to do anything other than homework at times. She may also really like you but may be keeping her distance because she does like you and does not want to lose focus on her schooling. I am also a student and kind of avoiding the whole relationship thing because I have the tendency to spread myself thin.

RBXChas

I know for a fact that med students are BUSY. (I was not a med student but have close family members and good friends who are/were.) I'm sorry, but my gut feeling is that if she really wanted to go out with you, she'd have found a way.

That said, when I was in the middle of my appellate brief in my first year of law school, a guy whom I was into asked me out, but I had to decline because it was CRAZY then. I basically told him I would love to but was so busy (which was true); however, I kept talking to him regularly (and made certain that he knew I was looking forward to finally going out with him) until we were finally able to go out. I made it pretty clear that I wasn't trying to give him the slip. Most (not all) women are not going to let a good thing go just because we have to study, meaning that even if we don't want to/can't give up the necessary studying, we'll still make it clear that we like you and want to go out when the timing is better. (I don't mean to imply that women are willing to (or should) give up school, good grades, etc, because of a guy but just that we will try our best to get together if we're really interested.)

If I were you, I'd give her one last chance before I wrote her off as potential girlfriend material. Ask her out, and if she declines in a general sense, then let it go. If she declines for a specific reason (e.g., "I have a class that night and have an exam the next day"), then ask her if there's another time/day that would be good for her. If she doesn't come up with anything at that point, you should be able to tell whether she is hemming and hawing because she doesn't want to go out with you or if she is hesitating because she honestly cannot predict her schedule very far in advance. Like I said, though, she should be enthusiastic in her desire to go out another time, and if she's not, it might be that she doesn't want to go out with you.

Try not to take it personally, too. She may think you're boyfriend material but be really, really dedicated to school to the point where she has basically vowed not to have a love life. It is really, really hard to maintain a relationship when you're in a tough academic setting like that, so adding personal stress to professional/academic stress may not be what she wants or needs. My 3-year relationship was a casualty of law school, and most people I know who started law school in a relationship were no longer in said relationship by the end of the first semester. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend became a major strain on my academics during that semester (and vice versa), but once I got over the break-up, I was so relieved to be able to focus almost completely on school. (My grades were MUCH better second semester.)

Even if you don't work out as a couple, she'd still be a good friend, though, right? At best, you'll stay friends, and hopefully she'll eventually come around!

ETA that I apologize for the novel. I'm wordy. I know it. I get paid to write, then talk, in case you couldn't tell!

Scott613

You've been Friendzoned

10acity

No really - I agree here with all above. The signals point to you coming right out and asking her. Good luck, she sounds cool.

Yep. Outright ask her.

And don't believe all the "friend zone" hype. Not that it doesn't exist, but I've been friends with guys for years before developing an attraction on a couple of occasions. It happens.

Ready2Rock206

I was working full time while going to law school at night and I have a kid. If I wanted to see someone I found time. If I didn't - well...