Baby fever...

amymunn

HOLY COW. you just described me. and im only 21. I have been married 3 years in august. So it is too early for me as I haven't finished my degree yet. but OMG its everywhere.

I just keep telling myself how amazing it will finally be when it does happen and how it will be even better because we've waited SOOO long.

Keep telling yourself that and then when the time is finally right and you embark on that adventure, it will be the best it could ever be.

karenwill2

I planned on not having children until after I hit my 30's but nature overruled my birth control and the doctors doubting my fertility were very much wrong. I had my first baby when I was 28 and my second at 31. It derailed my life as I am a selfish mom and could not imagine putting them in day care until they were at least 2.5 yrs old.

The point is, if you are destined to have a baby in the near future and are sexually active, it will happen no matter what you do to stop it. Surprise babies are awesome and a true gift from God. Planned babies are good too. I would not plan to have a baby until you are ready. Planning to have a baby when you can't support it is kinda a bad thing. But if you have a surprise then it will work out. It did for us anyways. Now that they are almost 7 and almost 4, I am playing catch up on getting to a career. But we were able to buy our house and so forth while having these babies. We only moved once that our eldest can remember.

In summary, plan all you want and try to stick to it. Planning is good. And those people that keep popping out all those kids are missing out on life. Kids are a lot of work and mom gets put last way too often. Focus on you being happy and life will fall in to place. Good luck and I hope you get everything you want in life.

CynthiaCollin

Hi !
You seem like a mature young woman who has thought things through. You said yourself you aren`t financial as stable as you would like to be and you haven`t been married that long. I had my first child at 28 and the other at 30. I am glad we waited because I don`t think our relationship could of handled it when I was your age. Children change your life. Your life is no longer your own it changes your relationship with your husband. Some couples get stronger and some drift apart. When you add financial difficulty to it , it is even a bigger strain on the relationship. Children are demanding...even though the rewards are amazing....when your little one touches your face and says I love you mommy.... your heart melts.... but the daily grind can take its toll. Just be sure when you do have children. They need 100% unconditional love and attention....

CatoftheCanals_

I keep reminding myself everything everyone is saying and I appreciate all of it!

We love having the freedom to pick up and go on a weekend trip, or go on a long trip, or just go shopping together, cooking together.. we have an incredible relationship and I think about it sometimes and I really am not ready to share him with a baby

Just sometimes I get this just.. pull. Idk. Its such a weird feeling...

momma3sweetgirls

You'll know when the time is right for you. Don't have a baby now just because all your friends are having them. Worst reason EVER to have a child...ok, maybe not as bad as 'because I want someone to love me', but still pretty bad. Enjoy being a couple, travel, save money, sleep through the night, and watch grown-up tv. Enjoy the silence and a clean house, the lack of gray hair, and not smelling like puke, poop, and/or sour milk for a while longer. I love my kids (all 4 of them) and I LOVE that I was almost 30 when I had my first!

Seminolegirl97

You are 23!!!! You have not lived yet!! I'm 36 and only now do I feel like I have "lived" my life prior to bringing another life into this world.

That being said. You live in a particular part of the USA where having kids at a young age is what you do. Should you do it because everyone else is? No. Should you really sit down and have a this is where we want to be in 5- 10 years and how does a child fit into that goal conversation, yes. This is personal. No one on this site is gonna have any advice for you that will rock your world. These are opinions... nothing more.

Good Luck! You only get one shot at this life so make it what you want... do not live everyone else's dream, live yours.

Temporalia

A lot of great advice here. I'm 32, almost 33 and everyone in my friends and family have had kids, i'm basically the only one without kids. Bf is 36 almost 37, he doesn't have any kids. We both made the choice to wait (we've been together for 2 years now) because in our previous life, the circumstances weren't there (horrible ex, debt, health issues, etc.).

We want kids but before we even start thinking about it, I want to make sure that the work, money, health are solid enough. Live your life, have fun, you're young. I don't regret not having kids before that, it was my choice. Don't base your decision on others.

sandra80

i got married and had kids early and i can give you the words of don't do it yet, wait a while, you still have lots of life to live and enjoy before it's baby time but i love my kids dearly and i can't imagine not having them so just think things through before you do anything. that said, now a single mom with 3 kids and a bf of almost a year and even though i had my tubes tied i wish i could have a baby for him since he never had one.

xnikkiheart

I'm 19 and only graduated high school last year, but I already feel like I'm one of the only ones that isn't pregnant or doesn't have a kid. We were a class of 400ish (huge for our area) and only about 10 of the 200 girls actually have kids, but another 15 or so are pregnant now. A lot of the guys also dated girls from other schools and some off them are now pregnant. Granted that's still only like 30 of 400, but we're 19! I feel like I have to hit these people and say 'what the hell are you doing?' As long as you know you're not ready, then good for you, at least you're smarter than some of those people out there.
Edit: realized I'm not 18 anymore haha oops

CatoftheCanals_

Nikki, thats what everyone tells me, and I know I am being smart for my situation. We want to be in a better place financially when we have kids, but part of it I feel is like.. I AM in a better place financially and I AM more mature than these people... why do they think now is a good time? Why, if I AM in a better place is it not a good time for me? And I keep reminding myself... I want more. I have goals I want to accomplish before bringing a new life into the world.

bellevie23

LoL Well I am one of those girls who had her kids in her 20s, I am happy because I am DONE. Once my youngest is done being a infant, thats it, I am young and have the energy to keep up with them, not saying I wont later on, but I enjoy it now. I still did my travelling (the army made me) and enjoyed some things most people dont their whole life, with that said, my kids do make it to where it is not "me" time anymore all the time, i still get it, but you have to be prepared to be a planner after kids, cant just up and do whatever. However, for some of us, it is fine. I will still be young *not as young* when my kids are grown, and can enjoy that I want to live ideally to see my grandkids grow up, play with them, my body is being easier to get back now while I still have youth on my side, it just worked for me.

However, you shouldnt get pregnant just because everyone else is, if you and your husband want to thats great, but I wouldnt do it because its the 'trend' in your friend circle. If you really think you might want a kid, offer to babysit one of your friends newborns one night, a toddler the next, a child another night, then see how you feel lol. Itd give your friends a prob much needed break and itd give you an idea of what you are getting yourself into and how you and your husband would work together in taking care of the child. Yall need to have that understood on what each others expectations would be, because some women have kids with their men and then realize their men expect the woman to do everything, or vice versa, so just figure that out would be my advice.

bellevie23

Yikes your like a twin LOL.

i got married and had kids early and i can give you the words of don't do it yet, wait a while, you still have lots of life to live and enjoy before it's baby time but i love my kids dearly and i can't imagine not having them so just think things through before you do anything. that said, now a single mom with 3 kids and a bf of almost a year and even though i had my tubes tied i wish i could have a baby for him since he never had one.

nutandbutter

It is just hard, seeing everyone you know having kids and you having no plans to have any of your own yet. I have been married 5 months and have been asked a million times already "oh, well, when are ya'll going to have one?" which is horribly frustrating.

In my family, you are someone when you have a child. I have 2 degrees (the first in my family to even have one mind you) and a job, a house and a car, yet my grandparents and cousins just ask when are we having kids.. not how our careers are going, or any of that... when are we going to have children.

That doesn't end when you have a child. You then get asked when you're having another. When you have 2, you get asked if you're having another. If you have 3 or more, people start asking if you're done having kids yet. What I'm saying is, people just like to ask nosy personal questions.

bellevie23

It is just hard, seeing everyone you know having kids and you having no plans to have any of your own yet. I have been married 5 months and have been asked a million times already "oh, well, when are ya'll going to have one?" which is horribly frustrating.

In my family, you are someone when you have a child. I have 2 degrees (the first in my family to even have one mind you) and a job, a house and a car, yet my grandparents and cousins just ask when are we having kids.. not how our careers are going, or any of that... when are we going to have children.

That doesn't end when you have a child. You then get asked when you're having another. When you have 2, you get asked if you're having another. If you have 3 or more, people start asking if you're done having kids yet. What I'm saying is, people just like to ask nosy personal questions.

^^^THIS...it doesnt stop..you have one, then its when will you have the next, dont even get started on if your first two or however are all one sex, because then you have the 'one of each' convo...yeah dont think it stops lol..

xnikkiheart

I feel like if you know you could handle it, then it's something to think about. At the same time if you know that you can't afford the 20,000$ a year (or more now) that it costs to raise one child, then take a step back. Really it comes down to what you want and it doesn't matter if you're 20 or 40. Granted, not everyone has ideal situations and they still make it work (like the girls from my high school), but they have massive support systems. If you have people that would be willing to help out and maybe babysit for free or at least at a lower cost than daycare so you could continue to work, wonderful. It really comes down to your life and how you see things working out and if it's possible.
I know I'm not ready to have kids yet, and I have my silly 5-10-whatever year plan that I want to follow. At the same time if something were to happen, I know my family and my boyfriend's family would be more than willing to help out and that changes things than if they were to say disown me and I would have to go live in a women's shelter.
If you think you're ready, then talk to your husband about it and see what he thinks. Talk about the money and where the baby would live (if you're in a house or apartment), who would take care of the child, would you still work or would you put the child in daycare, all those other random little questions, and see what the general view from him is.

AmberFaith90

I had my first at 19. I'm 21, and I want another one so bad. BUT...I'm DEFINITELY not financially secure. I'm lucky enough to have a supportive family and be able to provide for my daughter and I by myself (other than paying for electricity, water, roof over my head, etc...which I realize is expensive). My boyfriend (who is 27) and I want to wait a 3-5 years, get a house, get our lives settled. I start nursing school in August, so I'd definitely hate to have another baby when I'm on the road to success. I mean, I had my daughter during final exams during my freshman year of college! Now THAT'S hard! Haha (:

I say wait. Enjoy your 20's. I'm barely in mine, and I don't enjoy them much. I don't get out. My "going out" consists of going downstairs and working out, haha. I feel so pressured to hurry up and grow up, get married, get out of the house, and so on and so forth since I already have a baby.